SwimModSponges

You can't claim Judaism isn't part of christianity. Thats like saying Jurassic Park has nothing to do with Jurassic World.

I dunno, my religion is pretty baller.

""Smart move with that lamp, Banarr." I said as I watched him and his troll battle. "Trolls are super weak to fire, So he should be on his last legs." As I shouted encouragement to Banarr, Neflet joined me in looking around for clues about the missing cart and lizardfolk brothers. *We keep looking for clues and shit.* D20 roll: 4 I sniff the air loudly, attempting to use my new enhanced senses to help us along. Neflet looks over at me. Her expression is hard to read, but I've got the paranoia like a motherfucker going on right now. Oh god. she knows. she knows she knows she knows she knows she knows. Get a hold of yourself goddamnit. I cough. "Goddamn allergies, right?" I say. I awkwardly return to the search.

24, and i did it more than once.

Nobody did. Except me.

"Y'all got 'em on the ropes!" I said, shouting from the periphery of the fight as Neflet and Banarr engaged in combat with their respective trolls. "I'mma just look around for clues and shit, y'all can help after you finish them off." *I look around for clues and shit* D20 roll: 12 I investigated the path using my tracking skills and discovered 3 separate sets of footprints. Two of them smelled of lizardfolk, but the third is unknown.

So I've been told, emphatically, again, IRL.

Alien 3 was my favorite Alien movie.

Yeah, that's happened IRL.

My list is so goddamn long, but here's one specifically that everybody says I'm supposed to experience but never did- Rocky Horror Picture Show. Apparently it's like, some sort of event?

Banarr, Neflet and I make our way down the path of the lizardfolk, but we do not find them or their cart. "His brother must have gotten back with help already," said Banarr. (@jezebelthenun I'm not sure how much detail you put into this random encounter or if we can just freestyle it, so in the interests of "yes, and..."ing I'mma just go with it. If it goes against some plan you had just assume my character was doped out his gourd.) "Well, that's that mystery solved I guess. Back to the bagpipes." "Hey hang on a minute..." I said as I sniffed the air. "Do you guys smell that?" D20 roll: 3 "Fuck," say, as I look around the wilderness for any sign of movement, body tensed in preparation to run the opposite direction of any I see. "Fucking trolls man. Shit." "Wait how the hell could you 'smell' a troll out there?" said Banarr, motioning to the silent forest around us. "Oh shit, never mind THEY'RE RIGHT OVER THERE!" "Fuuuuuck." I say as I realize escape at this point was unlikely. *All right lets beat the shit out these trolls* D20 roll: 7 I charge the closest of the advancing trolls; attempting to run it through with the end of my spear. The beast jumps to the side and I miss. "All right everybody, pick a troll. If we work together we can each kill one, and then we'll see if they hold any clue to the disappearance of the lizardfolk brothers" *the troll attacks me* D20 roll: 13 As I am distracted by speaking, the troll strikes at me with outstretched claws. I am able to deflect the majority of the force of its attack, however its claws leave large cuts into my gauntlets. *I use them spiked gauntlets to bash this motherfucker right upside the head* D20 roll: mothafuckin' nat 20 y'all. Even though I had redirected it to the side, the creature's attack carried considerable momentum as its body traveled towards me. Using that force, as well as my own, I bashed that motherfucker right upside the head so goddamn hard his brains popped right on out. "Aight, got mine." I said, bits of brain dripping from my spiked forearms.

Banarr, Neflet, and I finished our breakfast and proceeded to pack up our camp. Afterwards, we all sat around bullshitting waiting for Terrell. For a short time we were worried something had happened to him, but then we figured he was more than capable of taking care of himself. *"Y'all like Orc war poetry?" I ask* D20 roll: 4 "This piece is called 'Crack.' The name of the first Orc to utter this has been lost to the erosion of the stones, but its passed through the throat of almost every orc since." The other members of the party were visibly annoyed as I unfurled a scroll from my pack. "HYYYYAHA-AYY A HYYYA" I shouted in a harsh war cry. A crack split the air as the scroll in my hand disintegrated. "The fuck dude?" I asked Banarr, who simply holstered his pistol and began to play his bagpipes. "You know what? Fine. Whatever. Yo Neflet, lets go fuck with them lizard bros."

Seriously though- this guy ticks all the boxes for right-wing mass shooter. Some day Tim Pool is going to post a video that sends him over the edge. Be ready.

ITS BUCKET THEY ARE ALL BUCKET

Y'ever have one of those moments of revelation and its just like "OMG... duh!" ? That song by The Killers- "Somebody told me, that you had a boyfriend, who looked like a girlfriend, that I had in february of last year... etc."? I just realized the line was "Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my whole life." Legit spent like 10 years thinking the line was "Never thought I'd led a rumor rue in my whole life." TF is a 'rumor rue'? IDK, but this dude sure never led one.

You should probably start carrying a gun in case you need to kill him in self defense.

You should gather up a group of marxists and beat him.

Hey hows that screenplay working out for you?

welome new users

Being unable to return to sleep after my vivid dream, I sat watch, tending to the fire. Neflet had spoken to me when I first woke screaming, but in all honesty I could barely recall what was said. Even now as I sat tending to the fire, I felt... I felt as if I were in a waking dream, the nightmare feeling somehow more concrete than the reality. I reached into my cloak and pulled out my traveling pipe once again, lighting it with the burning tip of a stick I pulled from the fire. Near me the dwarf snored as Neflet wandered the periphery of the camp. Terrell had stayed behind to bury the dead. I stared into the hottest part of the fire as I smoked; meditating on the dancing flames in an attempt to clear my head. I reflexively reached for my holy amulet to pray, but of course I knew that it was gone. Faint voices came to me through the trees, looking up from the fire I noticed Neflet had gone. It was her voice I heard, and another. I instinctively sniffed the air. Lizardfolk were about. "Yer a man?!?" Shouted the dwarf with a start as he woke. Not anymore, dwarf. Not anymore. Neflet stepped back though the treeline into the camp and shared with us the conversation she had with the dragonborn, though I had mostly already heard it. "Well, Terrell's still not back yet, and we need him to lead us to the halfling so we can get back on our way to the fort..." I said in response to Neflet's offer of another side quest. "So I'm down I guess. First things first though I need some goddamn breakfast. Be right back." I excused myself and began trekking into the forest. Alone now, I sat among the various scents and sounds of the wild. *I close my eyes* D20 roll: 11 A branch cracks nearby and I instantly launch myself in its direction. I catch a rabbit bare handed. I return to camp and prepare breakfast for the group.

"Well that was climactic." I say to the party. "Just in time too, suns gettin' mighty low. I suggest we get off this battleground before the scavengers show up, make camp for the night." As we head out, I stop to check Pahn's corpse; figuring that 50 gold bounty he put on me was rightfully mine *searching Pahn's body* D20 roll: 12 I only find a few gold coins and a handful of coppers. "Cheap fucker." I say as I step over him. "Hey Banarr, don't suppose I can pay out my debt with this?" "Not on your life." chuckles the dwarven pirate. "Eh, just as well." I say as we continue down the road. After a short march we make camp, I cook another traditional orc meal for dinner (spiced venison kebabs ans wild onions). We sit around the fire for a while, swapping more stories of our past, before turning in for the night. As I lay next to the fire, my fever flairs again, I begin tossing and turning and mumbling in my sleep as a nightmare overtakes me. *nightmare sequence* D20 roll: 10 I run through the woods, faster than I have run in my life. My breath is ragged, the pulse pounding in my ears a deafening tremolo. As I run, the pounding becomes clearer. They are drums. War drums. Beating along to the rhythmm of my heartbeat. Another sound joins the cacophony; a chanting. It is familiar yet I cannot place it. I break free from the woods, into a clearing. In the center is a dead elk; wolves dancing around it. I feel strangely at home. The drumming and the chanting grows louder, before long I realize that the bestial shouts are issuing from my lungs as well as those of the wolves. I am with them in the circle, dancing around the dead elk. A horn blows in the distance, and we fall silent. Above the treeline, a mountain begins to move, The massive shape in the darkness turns, rises, and stands before a full blood moon. It is the figure of a man, in place of his head, the skull of an elk. Hircine- lord of the hunt, father of the werebeasts. Without need for words, he looks down at me and I am paralyzed by the fear of his might. I clutch at my amulet of Akatosh, but it is nowhere to be found. My god of Time has abandoned me, I realize as the wolves begin their dance anew. Hircine throws back his head, issuing a deafening howl. I have been chosen by a new god. I wake screaming. My fever has broken during the night. My compatriots believe my infection has healed itself. They do not suspect the change that has overtaken me.

I follow the scent of Banarr's cigars and reach him just as he pops off a shot on Pahn, taking out his hand. "Oof, sucks to be that guy." I say, stepping from the underbrush. "Chicks dig dudes with sexy scars. The do not dig dudes with fingers missing." By this point very few of Pahn's warriors remained in the battle, the rest being defeated, demoralized, or lost to the forest. Those that were still engaged in combat were mostly preoccupied with Neflet and Terrell, but a handful (heh) of soldiers turned their attention to our vantage point after Banarr took his shot and launched a counterattack. *Pahn's soldiers attack* D20 roll: 3 Only a few soldiers were able to disengage from Terrell and Neflet, None of them carry ranged weaponry and cannot attack our position easily. *I draw my makeshift bow on the warriors* D20 roll:19 Enemy roll: 11 I am able to take a few shots before the bow breaks to pieces in my hands, each finding its mark in my enemy. None of the soldiers are killed, but they have all been incapacitated. "It's on y'all to finish these mofos up!" I shout down to Neflet and Terrell.

I catch the scent of something in the air as i run through the trees D20 roll: 13 I smell Banarr's cigars, he must have escaped into the forest as well.