SwimModSponges

I didn't figure we needed to get that specific- interpret your dice rolls however you see fit. I generally figure above ten means you succeed, below 10 means you fail. 10-15 means you succeed barely/success has negative consequences, 5-10 means you fail but not that badly. Under 5 means you fucked up son, above 15 means you did a good job. Figure just throw weapon damage on the same roll- 15-20 it hits hard, 10-15 it hits barely, 5-10 you miss but can recover, below 5 means you fucked up son.

"These can'tbe regular wolves," i agreed as i readied my makeshift bow. "When i came across them they were standing in a circle around a dead elk. And they looked to be chanting..." the party looked at me like a crazy person. "Fine, don't believe me. Still got these wolves to deal with." *fires at injured wolf* D20 roll 9 A long crack in my bow appears as i let an arrow fly, the sudden change in the bows structural tension sending my arrow a few feet off course. I drop the bow for now and take a defensive stance with my halberd against the advancing wolves. *i am attacked by wolves* D20 roll: 8. A wolf leaps at me as i swing the blade of my hafted weapon the sharp edge sailing through the air above the nearest wolf's head. Using the momentum of the failed attack I swing the long handle of the halberd and hold it as a shield between myself and the wolf, who bites down on the wooden shaft and refuses to let go. "Motherfucker i am not losing this weapon too." I shout at the beast. Time for some of the intimidation tactics the orcs taught me. *i try to intimidate the wolf holding onto my weapon* D20 roll: 13 I roar as i suddenly rush the wolf pulling on the handle, momentarily setting it off balance and loosening its grip on my weapon. I tear it free and swing again at the beast, which dodges the blade and retreats back to the safety of the pack, growling and licking its chops as it stares us down. "Well shit."

Does Jeff like to party? My character likes to party.

I follow Terrell out the door of the tavern, along with the rest of the party, making sure I stay in the middle so as to not get kicked by the horse lady for stepping out of turn. "So hey uh... Neflet, was it?" She looked down her nose at me with a haughty expression. "Monocles." she replied coldly. "Yeeeaaahh...." I began. "Chief is just a nickname the folks at the tavern gave me because I lived with the Gnur-rusk tribe for a year learning their ways. A few days ago I underwent an Orsimer rebirthing ritual as my final act before coming back to what the 'Noble' races of men and mer call 'Civilization.'" I reached into my cloak and withdrew my traveling pipe before continuing. "The name that has been given to me is Aldaganja. Toh-ken Aldaganja. Not that I mind being called Monocles..." I backtracked as I exhaled, still preferring to not be kicked. "In fact, 'Monocles' is a very powerful name, when you think about it. Like, 'mono' means one, right? but there's an 's' at the end, which means there's more than one. So it's like, more than one one man. Monocles..." Neflet continued to glare at me. "No? Better just call me my name then I suppose." Our party marched silently for a few dozen yards. "So hey, mind if I scout ahead a bit?" I asked. *I try to scout ahead* D20 roll: 11 Neflet huffed and continued walking, which I interpreted as an A-ok to be on my merry way. Breaking into a sprint I left the shoddily cobbled road and darted off into the scrub of the mountainside.The path on the dwarf's map showed a long slow bend up ahead, but I had traveled these lands before and I knew there was more than one footpath which traversed the land more efficiently. Within no time I had found a game trail to follow. Unfortunately I was not alone... Leaping out from the branches of trees growing from an outcropping of rock above them, I landed, panting, before the party on the road. "So hey, uh... Just pissed off a handful of timberwolves," I said, looking back the way I had come. "So... Scouting complete I suppose? Shit here they come."

"My main talents pretty much come from living off the land." I began, as I pulled the tater eggs from the fire and plated everyone's breakfast. "Scout, tracker, forager, hunter... i move quick and quiet, i know when to hide and where to strike- i'm pretty great with a crossbow," i looked over at the barkeep who was setting up a line of apples as targets at the end of the bar in preparation to test out the weapon i surrendered to him in lieu of a handy. "I'm not terrible with a regular bow either, but this bow is terrible and far from regular." I pointed at my primitive branch bow. "Still, whipping shit together out of stuff i find laying around is another skill of mine. Same with herbcraft, i can usually find the things i need for healing potions and the like somewhere in the woods." I started to dig into my breakfast. "That an my trusty halberd. Oh, and i'm usually pretty decent at talking my way out of things..." i looked back at the barkeep. "Present company excluded, i suppose."

As someone who once ate like 2lbs of almonds, your asshole is going to hate you.

Hey we could definitely use some more players, just the three of us playing so far. We've got a good quest hook started, but we're pretty well still in the "get to know your character" bit and there shouldn't be any problem jumping in at any point down the line, so lang as it makes sense with what we're doing. Come on over we've got dwarven pirates and centaurs.

"Mornin' y'all!" I said as I stepped back into the tavern. "Man you look a bit worse-for-the-wear there little buddy. Here, put these nuts in your mouth." I reached into my pocket and pulled out a handful of small black spheroids. "Chew em on up; packed full of stimulants, orcs fuckin' love 'em when they're on a warmarch. Freshly picked this morning while I was out gathering supplies. And check this thing out-" I say as I pull out a crudely made branch-bow which I whipped together in like half an hour. "Imagine I could get about three shots outa it before it goes to shit on me, if I'm lucky." I shouldered the bow and pulled out my pack "Otherwise I got all the stuff to make a traditional orc breakfast..." I was met by looks of disgust. "The stereotype that orc cuisine is unpalatable is nothing more than prejudice. Look here- this mountain potato? Hollow it out, crack an egg in there, and roast it on an open fire. Top it with yak milk cream and peppercorns, serve it with seasoned rabbit. Breakfast of goddamn champions right there." "Kitchen's closed." said the barkeep. "That's all right, I haven't had a kitchen to work with in a year," I said as I walked over to the tavern's fireplace and began to cook everyone breakfast. "So what's the plan, stan?"

I figured thatd be about the best way to do this online. I'd avoid taking multiple turns by yourself without someone jumping in between, but otherwise no real "turns". So long as we shy away from taking other characters agency (saying *i slap chief*, rolling dice and and giving chief a relistic reply to your action and roll, that's cool. Saying *chief slaps my character* without impetus/dice roll is a no-go.) If a character doesn't respond for a bit assume they're still there they just don't have anything important to say at the moment.

"Whelp," i said, standing up and stretching. "I got a raven to send and a bed to get to. Assuming nobody else is planning on busting through the tavern doors i suggest y'all do the same. It's a a rough hike out thataway and im about to pass out." END OF SESSION 0. (@Distinct Lunatic since you set up the quest you'll be the main person running session 1)

"Oh sure, white night the horse lady but ignore this asshole calling me a ruffian." I said. "Ruffian up your mama." I said to the new warrior. "How many tanks does this party need, anyway? Maybe a mage can roll up next?"

Yeah, and as such they are amazing in the wild but terrible as pets. All pet birds hate everything. That's a fact.

Fuck no. Got a friend with a bird. Fuck no.

"I think I've passed by that fortress while I was sneaking between this place and the Orc stronghold right over here," I said while pointing at the dwarf's map. "Here, look, um... give me one of those-" I began, acting as if I was going to use the dwarf's cigars to represent something on the parchment *I try to bum a smoke off the dwarf* D20 roll: 5 "Why?" asked the dwarf, crossing his arms. "Well, I was planning on smoking it." I said, my plan clearly foiled.. "What do ya... what do you got in them bad boys anyways?" "Fuck off, ya ginger minge." said the dwarf as he flicked ashes at me. "Barkeep that 50% of his take you were getting just got a lot smaller." "Well, we know how he can make it up." said the barkeep. "Listen, I'm not giving you a hand-" "You listen!" interjected the barkeep. My roof is leaking and I need the help of a handy!" "Oh, you mean like, a handyman?" I asked, relieved. "I don't care who does it, so long as someone jacks me off while I fix the roof!" "Son of a bitch. All right, listen..." I began, trying to bargain my way out of a terrible roll."Keep the crossbow. I can probably find another in a pawn shop next time I hit the city. Deal?" The barman stroked his chin, considering it for a moment, before finally nodding and going back to his mug cleaning. "Anyways," I continued, "I know that area well. It should be an easy expedition to get there at least- though I never set foot in the fort myself.

My next mead. Is going to be peach, honeydew, and watermelon. Gonna call it "two huge melons and a juicy peach".

Best kind.

Wasn't hungry enough to make a meal for dinner last night, decided i'd just have chips. Apparently i was hungry enough to eat half the bag. Half a bag of nachos is not a good meal.

"Barkeep," I began, "Barkeep... I mean, you're seeing them too, right?" "I'm not half convinced I ain't caught some huff of something or other from that goddamn cloud you've got going there," said the barman "but if you see them too... Strangest day o' my life. More outsiders than I e'er seen in this town, much less this tavern. Think it's got something to do with that raven you sent off to the university?" "I mean I figured they'd send a carriage..." I said, "and that horse lady doesn't seem to want to be ridden..." By this point I had come down quite a bit, the initial bad vibes subsiding now that I was once again aware of my surroundings and had the reality of them confirmed by an outside party. Assuming the barkeep was real. I started to touch his face. "Knock it the fuck off" said the bartender as he swat my hand away. "Hey, maybe you should listen to that goddamn dwarf and pay your tab and leave." I'mma try rolling dice here. *I try to bluff out of the bill* D20 roll: 10 "So hey, I mean, living out with orcs is more of a long-term investment..." I said to the barkeep, who I could tell was already in the early stages of rage. "I mean I figured I would go ahead and send you a raven with a check once I got back to the university?" "You mean to tell me you've spent an entire year guzzling my booze, thinking I'd settle for a GODDAMN RAVEN WITH A CHECK?!?" "Hang on man hang on..." I stammered. "That dwarf sounds like he's got a sure bet out there in them mountains..." "The only sure bet you've got here is that I'm gonna gut you." said the barman. "Wait wait!" I said flinching "Collateral- take my crossbow as collateral. then whenever we get back with this dwarven treasure, you get 20% of my share!" "40." said the barman. "And a handy." "50%, final offer." I said. The barman nodded. "All right," I said, turning to the dwarf. "Let me just send another raven to kill the first raven before he gets there and we can be off."

"I couldn't get on the computer last night but feel free to just run with what you got, so i can run with it too." I said, my head spinning as the bad batch of bark made me talk in gibberish that had nothing to do with anything currently happening, the hallucinogen putting me in a strange world where i sat tapping at a glowing tile.

He was talking to his children about how long its been since he ran a mile. 20 years. True story.

For real though y'all should get in on it. We just met a dwarf pirate.