mthor

The only way you're going to build a family is by donating to a sperm bank, and even then, I doubt you'd pass the screening process.

When did you develop a pregnancy fetish?

To me, he was a Satanic minion.

The only one I remember was Teddy Ruxpin (creepy as hell). He was the cause of the only argument that I ever won with my mother-in-law.

Oh, it's just lovely! And here's a house warming gift.

Blocks you in 5...4...3...2...1.

It looks nice, but where did you put the Judas chair? Also, Janice and Lucille send congratulations.

Maybe. After all, when you get a pulled pork sandwich, how can you be sure whether it's pig or long pig?

and bunnies

How do zombies travel?

Not worth the mess, and the body work would be a nightmare.

What do vegan zombies eat?

A stray car? It was probably afraid that if it followed you home, it'd wind up in the impound lot, uninsured, unregistered, and unloved.

cherry cobbler with vanilla ice cream

At night. I think I'm allergic to the cats.

Of course we're a family. We put the "fun" in "dysfunctional."

Syphillis Chlamydia

Why are you asking questions and then answering them?

I collected $1.40 in overdue fees.

Why not?

That used to happen in Amazon Trail, too.

only by divine intervention.

So buy an abandoned oil rig, declare yourself a sovereign nation, and write like no one has ever written before. Then you can flout nationalist conventions of literature. (And really confuse critics.)

I don't do art, but I will say that Dostoyevsky=/= Solzhenitsyn=/= Bulgakov=/= Radzinsky. Four writers, with totally different styles and totally different messages. None of them write like Russians, they write like people who want to share their individual visions. Not Russians. Humans.