GuyBeardmane

This is a thread about things that no one would believe happened to you, but have actually happened to you. Today I got offered an illegal job. The story starts about 5 years ago with my favorite hair stylist Becca, who always gives me a neck massage as part of any service. About a year and a half ago, I went to see Becca and as usual she gives me the neck massage before my scalp massage. After the service, she's talking about being sore so I tell her to take a seat and I give her a neck massage. She said it was great and told her boss Heather to sit down and let me give her a neck massage. Heather loved it, and every time I go see Heather now I give her a neck massage and she tells me I need to do it professionally. Flash forward to today. Heather asks for a hand massage, then a neck massage. Pam, the owner of the store next to the salon, comes over and sits down after Heather moves and tells me that it's her turn, so I give her a neck and shoulder massage. Then the two gang up on me and ask why I don't go to school for this, yadda yadda yadda. Then Heather starts plotting and says they still have the massage table, and says that as long as I'm not charging, then I don't have to be licensed and that I could come in on my days off and give her and Pam massages for $50 tips for an hour massage. I'm kind of a pushover anyway, and I enjoy giving massages, so next week I become an illegal masseuse. Feel free to share your stories below.

Surprised there isn't more PMJ in this thread.

It's not size, it's context. Like Kane in the movie See No Evil is a scary ass giant guy, because he's sneaking around and gruesomely murdering folks. Godzilla in the latest movie isn't scary, because he's fighting giant bugs. Godzilla wrecking Japan for waking him up is scary, though.

I am avoiding that folder, as one should avoid dumpster fires.

That's such a sexist way of thinking. Hookers make money by providing a service that people want. They're human beings as well. If you expect someone to love you when you've had previous sexual partners, it shouldn't matter if they had partners before. Like, as long as she's disease free and into me, I am down for LTR.

*hires Paul Heyman* *beats up Paul Heyman for cheers* *hires Paul Heyman again*

I've made enough posts to see the Dumpster Fires folder.

Is this in reference to when he ripped that car door off and threw it and it hit a kid in the stands? Because yes. I concur.

*suplexes the air* *screams violently*

Hardee's is bad for that. Get breakfast, eat breakfast, explosive shit less than an hour later.

I have lived in Tennessee and Kentucky for 2/3s of my life, but that first 1/3 was spent in the suburbs of Westland, MI, about a half hour away from Detroit. I will never lose my mitten heritage.

I love that because it looks like it belongs in a cartoon.

Yeah, that's true, but what's that got to do with your favorite fast food breakfast?

Then there are other days where you still wanna see some titties, but it's not the primary driving force behind your actions. Then there are even OTHER days where you still wanna see some titties and you just saw some titties, but you go "those were nice, I wanna see them again" and then you just go on with your life. Anyway what's your favorite fast food breakfast? I'm a fan of the sausage egg and cheese croissanwich from Burger King.

Being 6'4" gives me a lot of wiggle room here, but I'm drawn to 5'4" and under. I like feeling like a giant.

It does. Because short girls are goddamn amazing.

Is she 5'3"? That's a critical point the song is making.

That is a good and accurate guess. Rankin-Bass animation still unnerves me as an adult, when it straight up gave me nightmares as a child. The Red Bull and Harpy from The Last Unicorn, Gollum and Smaug from The Hobbit. Just amazing and terrifying animation.

Daww cuddle baby