Mix

Did you guys fight it out in the backyard? - "ALL RIGHT, QUIET DOWN! THE FIRST FIGHT OF THE NIGHT IS BETWEEN AUNT CATHY AND COUSIN DORRIS FOR THE PEARL EARINGS! KEEP IT CLEAN, NO HAIR PULLING! DAN AND RON, GET WARMED UP, YOU'RE UP NEXT FOR THE COUCH!"

@viperxmns Do they render the bodies into sauce or are they cremated and sprinkled on the pizza?

It is not fair to reveal, at the last minute, that what they're moving is your dead grandma's stuff. No amount of pizza can help you shake off the existential melancholy that weighs you down as you're packing up a recently deceased person's life. What's going to storage? What's getting thrown away? Who will make these decisions about your stuff when you die? Will they also be ignoring a depressed pet? I came away from the whole thing with an appreciation for the Egyptians. People should be buried with their stuff, pets and all.

Happy Birthday

What a cheat code this is. And they know. They don't let too much time pass without saying something, lest the spell wear off.

I love animals. They hate me. My mom hates animals. They go right to her, zero hesitancy, every time. I have yet to discover the reason.

Hood Rich

Perspective

I haven't done a damn thing. That's why i'm not in prison.

Before Team Edward vs Team Jacob, that was the debate that split the public in twain. You want your sandwich toasted or nah?

Who do you work for? Quiznos? The Irish Government?

Cats are perverts!

Remember Subway? Remember Jared? Do you think he's still in shape? You'd think, prison, what else is there to do. But, also, being able to gain a ton of weight fast is probably beneficial in prison. I mean, you just don't hear about a lot of fat guys getting raped. Anyway, the sandwich was alright.

I'm desperate to be liked. If I don't have it in me to politely decline, what makes you think I can do that shit?

Y'know, I was thinking about that, but the other way. I think I might of been his place holder dad. His dad went out for cigarettes twenty years ago and he's been recruiting well meaning strangers for a catch ever since.

...by this guy who wouldn't stop throwing me his football. I was outside and I hear, "heads up!" He throws me the football. I catch it and throw it back. And he throws it back to me! So....I throw it back to him and now i'm full on playing catch with this guy. I DON'T KNOW HIM! I was just going to get my mail.

Here's another weird fact about geopolitics, I thought that was the name of a pokemon.

If anyone were to die and not even realize it, it would be you. Can't kill a Ghost!