Mix

This is great news! I just fired my lawyer for quitting. I have one question before you start...what are your feelings in regards to tampering with the jury, evidence, witnesses, plaintiff, defendant, judge, court stenographer, etc...?

constant? Man's gotta sleep, jeez

Confirm the validity of the statement before acting on it. At least that's what my lawyer said. Me, I still say it was an honest mistake and had I not called "finders keepers" on her dog, she would not have pressed charges.

It's closer to your ass than it is to your brain.

We make back that forty and then some from the unsafe muffukus. Allstate, you in good hands, bitch.

Idk why Maybe it's because they know where I live. I've recently taken to answering the door in my underwear. I don't walk around my home in my underwear. I take my pants off when I hear someone at the door who i'm not expecting. I'm still as polite as before, but now the interactions are shorter and that has made all the difference.

I love how everyone acted surprised. As though Silva hasn't spent his career doing that. Chris won because it was his day, not because Silva didn't take him seriously.

This is probably how President Camacho got started. I can't wait to lose my way and be consumed by power and greed.

wtf The only perk of being a nobody with five followers is you get to make dumb jokes and nobody bothers you. welp, might as well make an OnlyFans now. Just put it all out there.

Yeah, the pic is from the Silva fight. They both fought the fight they were capable of at that time. Neither of them was capable of finishing the other. Anderson in his prime would have put on a more satisfying winning performance, but he still wouldn't have finished Diaz, imho. I can understand not liking the things Diaz says and does in the ring, but I don't think you can justify hating the guy. Certainly not over dudes like McGregor who are full on assholes.

For the last time, i'm not bad at cuddling, you have circulation problems. You are freezing cold. It's like snuggling up to Sub-Zero. Wait, are you Sub-Zero? And what my ass does while i'm asleep is its business. It shows up everyday, rain or shine, and does its job. I got no complaints.

More than....how? why? what did he do to you?

we need to have a talk about what is and isn't lube

Dude, bisexual porn is the best porn. It improves every plot, every fetish, it's unreal. And now, here you come, the universes messenger, revealing to me what I was put on this earth to do.....WRITE, DIRECT, and possibly star in BISEXUAL PORN. I knew today was a good day when I finished Wordle in three tries.

I tried, but they said I was too handsome. I was like, "whaaat," but they were like, "yeah, sorry, bruv. It's like the opposite of disability. It's like steroids in sports. You have an unfair advantage." I was blown away. I mean these guys were very complimentary. A couple of them tried to fuck me, much like you're doing right now, but I was like, "nah, i'm good." I still hang out with those guys. We play poker on Tuesdays at Phil's house. His wife hates it, but he makes it up to her by falling asleep drunk while trying to eat her box.

If they recover anything, it'll be twitter. That's the Roman graffiti of our time.

A minute later she texted, "Sorry, wrong person" I replied, "Mom, just go back to the old phone, you're ruining lives"

he never retires

Some people say it oddly, so it sounds like they are saying "taint worth much" so, of course, you have to respond, "taint?" And even though you were questioning their use of the word, seriously or humorously, they took it as genuine disbelief in their valuation process and the universe punished you with a long, comprehensive break down of antique furniture appraisal.

I tried immunizing at work too, but they said "heroin" is a "drug" and not a "vaccine" and we're calling the "cops"

That's not what I was referencing, but those superbad cops are dead on what I would be if I got into law enforcement...

I have never heard that question asked without the answer being drugs. It's like a math equation. Hell y'all doin' + in here = drugs drugs = hell y'all doin' + in here

I go to a different strip club every month. Not as a customer, but as a dancer. Not for the money, but for the attention. They kick me out pretty quick '>.>