Mix

The gym is where everyone goes to be embarrassed in one way or another. At least you aren't the guy who does karate in the mirror.

I demand you buy a tank top.

That music is usually reserved for spin class

Unless you are certain your back fat won't make fart sounds with the mat. So embarrassing. Also, there is no smooth way to put your shirt back on during a yoga class. Especially not if you put it on backwards, temporarily accept the situation, then change your mind and flip it around 30 seconds later. Can't go back to that YMCA. I told my boss she'd have to find someone else to teach yoga because these people don't respect me anymore. I don't respect me anymore. 💀

Nah It doesn't make sense to limp most of the way home before using your crutches.

What ever it is you're doing, people cut you some slack if you've never done it before. Those five words are a spell that absolves you of ineptness. Which is why it's so stupid that virgins hide the fact that they're virgins. Claim your mulligans in life whenever available. I just started banging dudes and I let them know what's up and they've let me get away with a lot. Mostly terrible jokes. In fact it's worked out so well that i'm thinking of telling women, in future, i've only had sex with men.

Things keep going the way they're going, it's going to be leather made from vegans.

- "Hey, Mix." - "Hey, Doc." - "What is it this time?" - "I signed up to be a product tester for sex toys." - "Is that why you're not sitting down?" - "Yup" - "Why do you keep doing these things?" - "I....honestly don't know............so, radiology?" - "yeah, radiology"

At 4am, its more morning than night and she still came over.....so yeah, macaroni I remember Deon Cole saying "if someone calls you at midnight, its a booty call. If they call you at 3am, you were their last choice." 🤭

(Read in badly imitated British accent) You cannot see the vision. Your outfit, my dear fellow, must answer a question. The most iconic outfits answer questions no one thought to ask. Questions like, what would an amalgam of the Batman and the penguin look like if he were black, Scottish, and suffered from developmental problems.

"I'm going to need verbal confirmation of consent." 🤣 Gotta love the over-correct....my man was livin' foul just a while ago

Don't make the same mistake I did. Get the ivermectin with the human on the box. The box with the horse on it is.....well, it's for horses.

No matter who i'm talking to, I end the conversation with, " 'preciate ya, keep doin' ya thing, stay black" I'm still collecting data, but so far so good

Drunk sex is like going to a theme park when you're a kid, you wanna ride everything and you don't mind that people are taking pictures of you. Sober sex is going to a theme park as an adult, begrudgingly....and not just 'cause you have to pay.

It's like someone picked the worst people on earth for me to work with. The worst of the worst is this idiot that monopolizes every conversation with the most inane takes. Everyone hates him and I think we all secretly wish he would die, but unfortunately that guy is me, so it's like a whole thing.

I don't know if I'd call that shady. That's pretty much common....which is also a rapper's name if it makes you feel any better. Ooh, what other rappers names better describe this: Juvenile Ol' dirty Bastard Drake

That's where LJ lost money. Watching other guys cum while you cum is half the experience. The half you enjoy. The girl's the other half only because you're afraid god is watching. Which is weird because, if he is, he's doing what you're doing, watching guys cum. How come people don't talk more about god watching guys cum. I bet you good money he's jerkin' it too. Now, did I think when I started this rant to nowhere it would end with god jerking it? No. Am I pleased that's how it ended up? Yes.

I don't get it, but I gave you a like anyway because I know it took a lot for you not to hammer me on "women's books" I want you to know I wasn't happy with it either and considered switching it out for "kitchen people's books"

Right....I mean the amount of stress guys went through back then was so insane it was referenced in women's books. I don't know how they dealt with it.