I'd stub the fourth and fifth toes on both feet on doors, doorways, corners that jutted out into the hallway, bookcases, table legs, and chair legs. I'm surprised I never decided to just cut them off my feet so I couldn't stub them anymore. XD
I mean when most people hear "I got a flat tire" they think, "oh, he (or she) has a tire that is out of air. That sucks." Not, "lol he bought a tire that was flat. What a dumbass."