schmahxgn

I once walked up to a counter at McDonald's, and asked them what kind of cheese they use. To which the cashier replied, "We use American cheese." and retorted with, "So, y'all don't use any other cheeses?" She said, "No." and I, without hesitating said "Not even... EXXXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEME CHEDDAR!??!?!?! WOOO~!!!!!" Before running away laughing like a mentally handicapped goober.

Me entusiasmo tanto con la vida ... que eventualmente podría tener O.D. en ella, sufrir una hemorragia interna severa, y morir una muerte dolorosa y agonizante desangrada, y ser arrastrado al infierno por mis pecados. Como, culo muerto, pateé la puerta de la habitación de mi cama por la mañana y grité "¡HEY, GOOGLE!" activando así mi Google Home Mini y ella era como "Bloop". (Supongo que esto fue porque ella se sobresaltó) Entonces grité "APAGAR" ¡AMO LA LÁMPARA! " tenga en cuenta que con mi toma de red digital, etiqueté la lámpara de mi dormitorio "I love lamp" como un homenaje al personaje de Steve Carrell en "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy". Entonces, Google apagó la lámpara y le di las gracias mi asistente de IA Mi punto es que estoy loco.

I was actually alluding to a Newgrounds animated series called "Retarded Animal Babies", particularly the episode entitled "Show and Hell" wherei one character says 'shit', then another character says 'fuck' and then a third character says 'potaterz?'

Who in the feck told you that I am not mentally ill?

Potatoes?

I am contributing. Pls, acknowledge my efforts.

Who?

When it comes to prime real estate, I am all about some good ol' island kitchens, landscaping, and spas tubs/walk-in showers; walk in closets are nice, but not my top priority.

You can dew eet!!! Expose your beautiful she-pole in a tasteful film noir.

I'm going to re-vine b/c I cry every time.

You deserve to be happy.

You're welcome.

BECAUSE YOU TOUCH YOURSELF AT NIGHT!!!!!!! #Checkmate

Yeah, but I still wish her frontal lobe hadn't gotten splattered all over my good sweater vest.

Nah man... 3:00 a.m. ~ 6:59 a.m is Chill LoFi beats to study to territory.

Yeah, it's sad she made a bad pan and got straight up murdered by SCP-504.....

I prefer the term "Ascended".

You are freaking out.... man man man man.....

Thanks for serving, and I'm glad they started letting gays in the armed forces now. That is forward thinking on the military's part.

I dead ass drink a minimum of 1 gallon (yes, a literal GALLON) of black unsweetened iced coffee in a 24 hour time frame. I am insane (probably due in part to all the caffeine) I can make my farts smell like any non fart smell, but if I try to make them unscented, I shit hot sauce and broken glass. I am so ancient and powerful that when the first single celled organisms appeared on Earth, I was Trillions of eons in age. I like to be spanked I am only fluent in English, but know enough of many other languages to the point where I tell native speakers of those languages that I cannot hold a conversation in that language. Two of the previous facts are lies I am terrified of chimps and monkeys, but harbor far less fear of gorillas and orangutans I used to have above average drawing skills, but lost them due to years of inactivity in that respect

That I might eventually O.D. on it, suffer severe internal hemorrhaging, and die a painful and agonizing bled out death, and get dragged to hell by my sins. Like, dead ass, I kicked in my bed room door his morning and shouted "HEY, GOOGLE!" thus activating my Google home mini and she was all like "Bloop." (I assume this was because she was startled) Then I shouted "TURN OFF 'I LOVE LAMP'!" keep in mind, that with my network digital outlet, I labeled my bedroom lamp "I love lamp" as an homage to Steve Carrell's character in "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy" So the lamp was turned off by Google, and I thanked my AI assistant. My point is, I am insane. I feel bad for the Bing search engine tho....

Deaf comedy jam.

http://www.dilbert.com

What do you call a waterfowl that enjoys upskirt?