[classic swim]

Mori: Ah, B, shit, before I forget, there's this email that I got that I thought you'd be interested in. Brucie: Oh yeah? What's that? Mori: Well, you see, it's this doctor, he's a fucking genius. Yeah, he says he's made this pill that is gonna sort out that penis problem you got!

“Oh screw you Mori, why you gotta be such a C’YACKK?” - Brucie Kibbutz

Niko Bellic: YOU EVER SEE ANNA AGAIN... you're going to be breathing through a tube for the rest of your life! Slimeball!

Ilyena Faustin: Niko, thank you, but please! No more killing!

Niko: I was sorry to hear about your husband. Ilyena: Were you? Unlike that treacherous rat Dimitri. Niko: He and I are not friends.

Niko: Stop blackmailing my friends, Dimitri. You do not want to anger me more. Dimitri: Persuade them to give up the contracts. We can work together. I will cut you in Niko. Let's be friends. Niko: I made the mistake of working with you before. It's not one I'll repeat. Goodbye.

- Union Drive. • 2008 Niko stops Rascalov’s men from going public about Bernie Crane’s same-sex relationship with Deputy Mayor Bryce Dawkins.

Blackmailer: Dimitri Rascalov only asks once. Your lover's career is over. Niko: Fucking Dimitri.

... • 2008 Niko took down Eddie Low in a simple act of self defense. Liberty City finally found their serial killer. All everyone including Detective Jon Atkinson could think about was the screenplay potential.

“You know what, handsome, I've got a hunger tonight that can't be sated. Come here!“ - Eddie Low

- Hating The Haters. • 2008 Niko Bellic kills the homophobe who’s been bullying Bernie Crane in the park for the past few days.

Thug: What's your problem? F*g lover. Niko: Whatever you say, buddy. Unfortunately, for hitting my friend, I'm going to kick the shit out of you.

Bernie: Is there a name for that fitness plan? I'd take a class if I could be guaranteed buns like yours. Niko: It's called getting chased by the cops and being errand boy for the mob.

Packie: So when’s the fucking wedding?

Brucie: You think I'm getting old? I've got the abs of a seventeen year old gymnast and the forehead of a toddler, baby. Brucie don't need to settle down just yet! Niko: Sure, sure. Enjoy all that extra pussy then, Brucie. See you around.

Brucie: Nicky, the fuck is this? Roman's gettin’ hitched? The big man's hangin’ up his hunting rifle? More out there for ya, eh? RIGHT? More for me and you, buddy! Niko: I have to admit, that was not my first thought when I heard. I'm happy for him.

Mallorie: Roman and I decided to be honest with each other last night. He told me about Vlad. Niko: He did? Mallorie: Yeah, thanks for helping him get rid of the body. He has such fire in his heart. I guess when he found out about me and Vlad, he couldn't help himself. His love for me took over and he just had to kill him. Niko: That's exactly right, he's an old school romantic.

Roman: Niko, it's finally official. Since the moment I met Mallorie, I knew that she was the only woman for me. Niko: Apart from those other ones you screw, right? Roman: No, certainly not. They were just distractions from my one true love. I proposed to Mallorie, Niko. she said she would marry me. Now all we need to do is find you a wife and we can all settle down happily ever after.

Niko: Sorry, guys. We’re keeping this bitch.