Lynnrael

congratulations!

Operation "trick myself into being more creative" has been weirdly successful. I'm doing things i haven't really tried to do since i was a teen, if not longer. A lot of it is probably due to hrt and transitioning, but over the past few weeks I've been watching a lot of stuff by really creative YouTubers that do a lot of analysis videos about a variety of interesting stories. Schnee is really cool, and has a lot of fun videos analyzing Arcane, and some about the Across the spiderverse movie. Then FD Signifier made that video about making it as a YouTuber who makes video essays. I don't really want to be successful, but I'm interested in making them for fun, so that was cool, but that's where I found out about CJtheX. They are so insightful and their videos are chaotic and fun but also compelling and thought provoking. They talk a lot about creativity and what makes good art, and it's really inspired me. The other week i thought to myself "I deserve to create things" and when the idea for that story popped into my head i just had to write it. and now I'm having more ideas. i got possessed with making a good story and came up with a few really interesting ideas and have started writing the next part. it might take a while to finish but I'm actually getting that "what happens next?" feeling that i get when i read a good story. being able to feel that about my own story is amazingly empowering. shit, i got carried away. TLDR: I'm getting to do basic creative things I never felt like i could do before and it's cool as fuck

I think i get it now, a lot of these drivers drive so passive aggressively because people who know how to drive at reasonable speeds remind them that the demographics of this state are changing and soon good drivers will outnumber the shitty cowards. im just a reminder of how futile their attempts to preserve a dying culture is. yes, I'm coping, but getting angry is only going to give them what they want, so

good things are happening. i got asked to go to a cool event thing with that person I've been talking to, and I'm really excited about it, and then i came up with a writing prompt on a whim and felt inspired to do creative writing! i haven't done that in ages, and it feels so great to just do it for fun, just because. it's hard not to feel like something almost spiritual is at play. like the universe is giving me signs, encouraging me to be creative. I've been thinking a lot about how creativity and agency go hand in hand, and how i want to exercise my own agency. i spent so long not feeling like a person, and now I'm finally getting to be one, and to figure out what that means for me. I'm really excited for the future edit: i posted my story in the arts and literature folder if anyone wants to read it

I posted a prompt to the writing prompt subreddit on a whim and then felt inspired to write a little story for it. wasn't sure where to post it but this folder seemed the most appropriate. not bad for a fun little thing I did on a whim lol and part 2: it's just a little bit of creative free writing, so it's not been edited and it definitely feels like it should be the first part of a much longer story. i might keep working on it if i feel inspired to, but I'm really just happy to do some creative writing again. it feels good.

i loved when customers did this, I'd be all cheerful like"that's wonderful news, you have a great day now!" and they'd melt the fuck down. so much fun

straight chilling is the only time I'm straight

it me

at this point I'm going to have to just embrace being awkward and hope it's endearing cause I'm not ever gonna be not awkward

thank you so much! that's super affirming for me lol

i need new glasses edit: oh god i started a new page and now my face is at the top, this is too much responsibility