wacky1980

Drank the first bottle of this tonight. I was expecting a sweet, malty mess, but I was pleasantly surprised. It was sweet, but nowhere near what I was expecting. The hops were a little on the lighter side, but the unique flavors imparted by the experimental strain were all there. Might need to increase the hop bill by another 50% next time. Balance was malt-heavy because of weak fermentation, but not bad. Aroma was also a bit sweet but also hoppy and appealing. Mouth feel was thin. Not sure if a better fermentation would fix that, or if I should add some oats or lactose to boost body. Aftertaste was bitter, as expected, but not dank or piney. With a little tweaking, I think this has the ability to become a very good IPA. Gonna make a couple adjustments and try it again soon. But for now, I have a couple cases to drink through. Sacrifices...

so i was in high school. gf and i were both still virgins, so the first time was a little nutty. we were in her bedroom and we were the only ones home (ok, maybe we planned it for a time when everyone would be gone). i thought shit was going well. then i came first, but being really excited about shit, i fought through the downtime and we pushed straight through into round 2. then she came, and i came again. that's when i realized i fucked the condom right off inside her at some point. oops. we waited til after her next period before fucking again, just to make sure we were in the clear.

i lost mine inside a vagina. thank goodness.

i tended bar til about 2pm, then we took the kids to the in-laws and played in the pool and grilled out. came home before dark, put the kids to bed, and sat in the house with the scared pupper while the neighbors got dumb with fireworks.

do you have a) abnormally large man-tits; or b) abnormally small micropeen ?

first time i've seen "dick nipple" and i have to say, i wonder if it would be more biting if the two words were reversed. i mean, are we making fun of his abnormally large man-tits, or his abnormally small micropeen? it could really go both ways, i guess.

...sun quest?

i just had a mental picture. god damnit, now i need a new shirt. this one has vomit on it.

i actually passed on that one because i didn't want to hear you whining about bad jokes again. but i see how it goes. dd drops a pun, and he gets to fuck your face. fair enough!

i'm smoking crotch. jealous much?

i'm kidding. do you really think i'm being serious? christ, man.

at this point, i feel like rogue is breaking into disco's account and posting stuff so he can instantly respond like the lech he is. bad form, rogue.

best chain we have around here is jimmy johns, so you know we ain't got shit. there was a good sub shop off campus at wiu called international sandwich shop. they stayed open til like 3am on weekends to catch the drunks going home from the bar. that made them the best sub shop ever, just by default.

i mean, they're kinda phallic if you think about it...

if you've been alive anytime in the last few weeks, you've probably seen those alcoholic push pops selling online at $100 for eight. well, that's a fucking rip-off. but the idea is clever enough that we thought we'd try to duplicate them and sell them at the bar. so we spent the last week working on a recipe for our first one, and i think it's ready to go. the consistency after being frozen is the toughest part to get right, because the slushy goodness needs to be soft enough to eat without utensils, but solid enough that it can be pushed out of its cup and still hold its shape. after a few batches, we settled in on a recipe that hits all the check boxes and is pretty tasty to boot. anyways, the recipe: 1 lb fruit, cut up and frozen (we used a mix of peaches, pineapples, mango, and strawberries) 4 oz simple syrup 6 oz vodka (avoid the cheap stuff, it makes a huge difference) combine all ingredients in a blender and mix until smooth. immediately pour mix into push pop moulds, cap, and put in the freezer upright overnight. makes eight 3-oz push pop servings. oh, the push pop cups are on amazon. they're kinda chintzy but they only cost like $12 for two dozen. if you don't freeze the fruit, the mix is too runny when you add it to the push pop and it runs out the bottom (also, freezing the fruit first kinda helps with the consistency). our total cost for a single batch comes out to about $30, or $1.25 each (including the containers and all ingredients). the push pops are technically reusable, but we're not gonna do that when we sell them in the bar. nutritional data (as made from the above recipe): 10% ABV, 100 calories. if you want to boost the alcohol, add 9oz of vodka for a 15% ABV treat at 125 calories per.

are you two related?

it's not great. also not completely horrible. slightly better than the 'ritas. it has its place on the liquor store shelf, just not in my fridge.

bottled this bad boy last night. as predicted, gravity didn't hit its mark. was supposed to come down from 1.062 to 1.014 and it ended up at about 1.028, which should make for a beer with approx 4.5%ABV instead of the 6.3% we were aiming for. the taste was affected by the shitty fermentation as well. the beer ended up maltier than intended. regardless, the fancy hops did their thing. sampling it last night didn't really do it justice because it was warm and also not carbonated, but the hop flavor was interesting. i could taste coconut and mint, and maybe even a little bit of blue cheese funk. we ended up with a case of 12oz bottles and a 12-pack of swing-top pint bottles. gotta let it carbonate in the bottle for another week or so, then it will be ready to chill and drink. even though we didn't get the fermentation right, i'm still excited because this is my first original recipe brew. hope it's ready to drink on the 4th...

happy mortality reminder day! have you stopped counting yet?

makeup may be a need, but ulta is a want imho. regardless, if she wants it, i don't stop her. i have to be honest though, she's never outright said "no" when i talk about buying another gun. she just gives me the look, and i know it's not worth the battle that will ensue. but i'm about 90% of the way there on getting her to accept that new cc handgun, and that also means i get to pick one up for myself. that's how it generally works. i can get myself something nice, as long as i get her something nice as well. happy wife, etc etc. plus, i have other SHTF weapons that will be a lot more useful after the ammo runs out.

we both own firearms, and she's agreed to pick up her cc permit with a ruger lc9 i'm gonna buy her later this summer. she just says i don't need more of them. well mama, you don't need more makeup either, but i'm not stopping you from hitting up ulta once a month.

can you talk to my wife about firearms? i need her to think like this.

nothx. i don't wanna die in some bolivian brothel with a guy who likes to put inanimate objects in his rectum. actually, now that i think about it...

see, this is why my brain went there.

i was assuming more of the deviant sexual abuse and shit, but yeah, obesity. that works.