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UnevenEdge

What Are You Thinking About?


DragonSinger

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I'm thinking someone's been spying on me because these look sick! (The University of Houston is wearing this uniform Saturday night in its first game as a member of the Big XII.) Seriously, tell me this doesn't look sick as hell!

houston-cougars-oilers-inspired-alternat

houston-cougars-oilers-inspired-alternat

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i just called my chosen name my real name without thinking about it, which feels significant for some reason.

it's weird, you get used to things and they just kind of feel like they become permanent, until they're not. nothing is really permanent, but the illusion can seem so concrete. my name was one thing, and that was me, whether i liked it or not. more 30 years of being a thing, and it can be hard to feel like you have a choice in it. when I first picked my name, i loved it (still do of course) but it was hard for me to feel like that's who i am. now it feels like the name i was always supposed to have, even though it wasn't. My name is my name because of who I've been and the life I've lived. if i had been blessed to find out i was trans before puberty, I'd probably have an entirely different name. if i was cis i wouldn't have ever really had a reason to choose one at all. but I got to choose a name for myself, and i got to do so with 30 years of life to inform that decision. that feels special. that makes it feel way more real than my deadname ever did. 

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watching Ghost in the shell: arise, and so far it's pretty cool. what has been striking me though is remembering watching GITS on adult swim back when I was a teen. i remember thinking that if i was going to get a whole new body I'd definitely want to look like the major. i was like "well I've already been a guy and assuming this tech was real and i could have any body i wanted and still be strong, why not?" and somehow i didn't realize i was trans for like another ten years. 

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came out to my dad and grandma today, so, yeah, lot of emotions right now. everyone was accepting. my grandma is the coolest grandma ever, and was just so perfectly cool about it. it's not the first time someone's come out, her son, my uncle, is gay, so i knew i could trust her. i knew my dad would be cool too but i also knew it would be more of a shock for him and it was. he was very supportive but also i think he's also dealing with a LOT of emotions right now and i kinda feel guilty a little for feeling so relieved and good about things when i know he's probably feeling a whole lot of complicated shit. but, i know his feelings are his responsibility, and I'll have to trust him to deal with that. 

damn it's crazy how a day can go from unremarkable to significant based on a single decision. 

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2 minutes ago, Blackrose321 said:

That and honestly a bit of a fuckup these days. Lol

I hear ya. I've felt that way recently, too. It's like you try so hard to be careful only to make a big mess, right? You can't do anything right no matter how hard you try.

Hang in there though. Your persistence will pay off. I promise.

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1 hour ago, Gemini said:

I hear ya. I've felt that way recently, too. It's like you try so hard to be careful only to make a big mess, right? You can't do anything right no matter how hard you try.

Hang in there though. Your persistence will pay off. I promise.

Aww thank you, that is very kind of you to say. I'll keep giving it my best, it's all you can do right? :)

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kinda silly but i followed eichlers on Instagram and he sent me a personalized voice message to thank me using my name and it was extremely affirming and cool so now I'm a fangirl for life

eichlers is a ska/hyperpop musician, his music is great and I was a fan based on that alone. love this new era for ska in general, both the elements that show up in hyperpop (like stupid horse by 100 gecs) and the stuff that is entirely separate from hyperpop (JER/Skatune Network) are really promising. 

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The hell did Joe Jonas do to be putting out smear campaigns like this? Also, folks ain't ignant about this shit anymore. If the bashing is this one-sided and the unscathed party doesn't put out some kind of statement, we know it's coming from your ass even if TMZ lying about 'anonymous sources'. And when folks scope this out and feel some type of way, they start airing out your old dirty laundry. Just pointless.

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I was a librarian up until last year. I worked so hard to get into the field only to find that new entries are being paid less and worked more, management isn't being monitored so they do whatever they want, bullying is rampant, and even though women make up the majority of the workforce, men still hold a larger proportion of authority roles. So I just fucking quit.

Now I don't know what to do with my life but I feel immense stress about not paying off loans fast enough that I might still be able to start a family if I want to. I'm too young for a midlife crisis but here we are.

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I love pro wrestling, but man, the internet wrestling community is toxic as hell. There's no use debating most people. They're gonna think what they want even when you present undisputable facts that don't fit the narrative they want to be true.

I'm not saying I'm an expert or that I'm even right about certain topics. But when something someone thinks has been completely debunked by facts that have been proven to be irrefutable, why in the world would you continue to believe the opposite? That's what I don't get about people sometimes. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's thought about this either.

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53 minutes ago, Blackrose321 said:

I was a librarian up until last year. I worked so hard to get into the field only to find that new entries are being paid less and worked more, management isn't being monitored so they do whatever they want, bullying is rampant, and even though women make up the majority of the workforce, men still hold a larger proportion of authority roles. So I just fucking quit.

Now I don't know what to do with my life but I feel immense stress about not paying off loans fast enough that I might still be able to start a family if I want to. I'm too young for a midlife crisis but here we are.

Life can be a real shitcasket, huh? lol

In all seriousness, it may be time to explore what hobbies you have that may turn into a career. (This advice isn't just for you; it's for me as well. I just started writing again and I'm starting to wonder if I can pursue a career in that.) My brother Teddy works for a craft brewery in Little Rock. It started as a hobby with him brewing at home while working at Bank of America. He found he was so good he decided he wanted to learn to do it for real. So he applied to work at a craft brewery in Phoenix (where he was living at the time) and he was hired. He's come up with a few recipes for beers since he's been working professionally. The point is, it's never too late for a career change.

Just something to think about. :)

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30 minutes ago, Gemini said:

I love pro wrestling, but man, the internet wrestling community is toxic as hell. There's no use debating most people. They're gonna think what they want even when you present undisputable facts that don't fit the narrative they want to be true.

I'm not saying I'm an expert or that I'm even right about certain topics. But when something someone thinks has been completely debunked by facts that have been proven to be irrefutable, why in the world would you continue to believe the opposite? That's what I don't get about people sometimes. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's thought about this either.

Spoiler

This shit right here is also unironically why I don't seek out places to talk about VTubers, exact same problems.

 

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