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UnevenEdge

Mental Health Check-In


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How's yours?

Im usually great this time of year 

I got thru winter with virtually no SAD symptoms (guess its time to take down my happy light)

I was feeling some despair around 7ish every night but i noticed even that is gone. Having virtually no dips in my mood at all fir the 1st i can remember. So i decided to keep my antidepressant dosage where its at...unless i get manicky

But things are pretty even keel. Feeling great. Just bored (maybe because im not experiencing any high highs).

I always mention the bad stuff. Felt id say something when i feel great. Boring..i know lol

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I finally found the motivation to clean some junk off my dining room table after saying I need to do it for weeks. Still a lot of stuff on there, but now it at least doesn't give me anxiety to even look at. I can at least put the mail down on the table without it getting lost in the junk pile.

Need to vacuum tomorrow. And maybe find the motivation to take down the last of my Christmas decorations some time this weekend. Maybe.

Overall still pretty meh though. Had a really good day earlier this week and for a minute fooled myself into thinking maybe this most recent depressive episode was ending. Nope not quite there yet.

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9 hours ago, Athena 92 said:

I finally found the motivation to clean some junk off my dining room table after saying I need to do it for weeks. Still a lot of stuff on there, but now it at least doesn't give me anxiety to even look at. I can at least put the mail down on the table without it getting lost in the junk pile.

Need to vacuum tomorrow. And maybe find the motivation to take down the last of my Christmas decorations some time this weekend. Maybe.

Overall still pretty meh though. Had a really good day earlier this week and for a minute fooled myself into thinking maybe this most recent depressive episode was ending. Nope not quite there yet.

Dont beat yourself up on not being able to do things. Youre depressed. I try to get as much done as i can doing normalcy or highs.

 

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My bipolar and aad is at war with themseves. Any form of relationships in my life are foreordained to fail because i have the inability to genuinely care to the extent that is necessary to sustain anything.

I find it incredibly easy to leave people and nor do i care when they leave.

I’m emotionally crippled and my emotional and mental growth has been stunted from child abuse and abandonment. Some days are more of a struggle than others, especially since i am not medicated due to the lack of insurance, but i’ll push through whatever i need to to exist.

I disappear when i feel like i’m getting swallowed up.

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4 minutes ago, CutieQuesadilla said:

My bipolar and aad is at war with themseves. Any form of relationships in my life are foreordained to fail because i have the inability to genuinely care to the extent that is necessary to sustain anything.

I find it incredibly easy to leave people and nor do i care when they leave.

I’m emotionally crippled and my emotional and mental growth has been stunted from child abuse and abandonment. Some days are more of a struggle than others, especially since i am not medicated due to the lack of insurance, but i’ll push through whatever i need to to exist.

I disappear when i feel like i’m getting swallowed up.

You can't even us goodrx.com to get your meds? Thats what i do if i didnt have insurance. 

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depressed.

triggered by a thought i had about something that happened in high school of all things.

someone i cared about was trying to tell me something and i was so wrapped up in my bullshit that i just didn't see it. had a sudden realization of what it was and everything just fell into place. i would have acted differently if i'd known.

now it's way too late to do anything and probably too late to apologize, and it would only seem self serving if i did.

apparently there's no statute of limitations on regret. 

fml...:(

 

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1 hour ago, nameraka said:

depressed.

triggered by a thought i had about something that happened in high school of all things.

someone i cared about was trying to tell me something and i was so wrapped up in my bullshit that i just didn't see it. had a sudden realization of what it was and everything just fell into place. i would have acted differently if i'd known.

now it's way too late to do anything and probably too late to apologize, and it would only seem self serving if i did.

apparently there's no statute of limitations on regret. 

fml...:(

 

Damn man that sounds rough. I don't know the specifics, but keep your head up dude. There's better days ahead of you.

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17 minutes ago, That_One_Guy said:

Damn man that sounds rough. I don't know the specifics, but keep your head up dude. There's better days ahead of you.

thanks. got good and properly drunk last night. 

didn't really help. i'm sure this feeling will go away in time.

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2 minutes ago, NaBron_James said:

U can still reach out to em and let em know u thinking about em. And that you're sorry.

i was thinking of reaching out just to see how they were, but i have to be careful. 

i don't think i can let them know that i know. it would just complicate things for them now, and i'd only be doing it to feel better. 

i mean, i want to feel better, but not at their expense. 

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