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FDIC examiners kicking my ass today


wacky1980

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vendor due diligence?  :)

disaster recovery / business continuity plan?  :)

customer info risk assessment?  :)

employee training reports?  :)

.

.

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unified vendor management strategy?  ::]::

audit tracking updates?  ::]::

current vendor management status?  ::]::

disaster recovery testing / results?  ::]::

customer best practices documentation?  ::]::

 

and it's only noon. better get outta here for lunch now, before they get their hooks in me again.

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Wait till the CFPB comes in there and splits all your asses apart.

i've personally never had to deal with those guys. my responsibilities include IT, vendor management, and DR / BCP.

 

i'd have been fully prepared for the exams this time around, if we hadn't been so short-staffed since jan 1. i get to spend about 75% of my time these days sitting in the bookkeeping office and admin'ing the data processing team. rest of the time, i'm playing catch-up at my own desk and openly wishing death on my dumb fucking co-workers.

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my personal favorite of the day:

 

FDIC "do you keep a summary report of the status of your vendors?"

 

me "i have this vendor management summary right here on page one of the vendor management binder."

 

FDIC "no, not that. i mean a summary of the status of each vendor, like a spreadsheet that shows the status of all of them on one page, in summary."

 

me "no, i keep this vendor management binder that contains all of that."

 

FDIC "but the first page is not a summary. that's an overview."

 

me "then i guess we don't keep a summary."

 

FDIC *scowls*

 

me *kills self*

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it's called "disaster recovery / business continuity plan" for us and it covers anything from a vendor getting hacked, to a natural disaster, to full-on world war. there's no real set of defined standards to the creation and implementation of "the plan" so it's pretty much up to me to gather all the data, organize it, and then dream up as many negative scenarios as possible plus how to mitigate them. and it can't just be bullshit. if i say the bank keeps two backup copies of every piece of data, i have to be able to provide the location of each piece of data, the date it was backed up, and the instructions on how to restore it (and sometimes, i have to actually restore it in a sandbox environment to prove that i can).

 

last year, i was informed we didn't have adequate safeguards in place to mitigate the risk that the bank faces from a massive influenza outbreak. so i wrote up a 5-stage policy for dealing with one. and now there's also two boxes of face masks, hand sanitizers, and latex gloves in storage, waiting for their moment...

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I don't have to do all that. I have to cover Medical/Fire/Earthquake/Severe Weather(shelter in place)/Workplace Violence/Gas Leak/Flood and Suspicious Package.

It is something else, trying to get the money for basic equipment, but I think I'll be able to get it. If not, I'll simply make sure the record reflects I tried to get it and was not approved.

 

 

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i really wanna know the motivation for posting this gif. it's amazing.

 

Ugh, I hate to have to explain it, but I guess we'll all just  |:: |:: |:: |:: after I do.

 

Your thread is about the FDIC "kicking your ass" .....The dude in the gif's name is Wacky........This was about you fighting back.  It was funny to me......I didn't expect anyone who wasn't black in the 90s to get it, but it was....as I said, funny to me.

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Ugh, I hate to have to explain it, but I guess we'll all just  |:: |:: |:: |:: after I do.

 

Your thread is about the FDIC "kicking your ass" .....The dude in the gif's name is Wacky........This was about you fighting back.  It was funny to me......I didn't expect anyone who wasn't black in the 90s to get it, but it was....as I said, funny to me.

darn the luck, i was still white back in the 90's. also never heard of the dude. thank you.
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