molarbear

I mean I could but I still have 15k in my bank account from saving up to buy a house so...... why randomly apply to a job instead of continuing to go on fun ventures?

I dunno, mikey down the street got a new 10 speed for his birthday you just got me clothes

I am sad that I have but one like to give for this post

Sorry about your cat, it's never easy losing an animal.

I just watched Phillip DeFranco's new episode

I believe last time your SO you referred to him as your BF, I could be completely wrong. If I'm not congrats on getting hitched! As far as wishing good things... here's to hoping he has a good birthday

He probably tried that wacky tobaccy finally and is currently a couch puddle

If I get attacked by a Chupacabra in my sleep tonight Imma be pissed......

Does this mean youre cooking chicken or that you somehow created an egg and are now sitting on it hoping it's a chicken and not a chupacabra?

nb4 we find out you've secretly been Justin Verlander all these years

During the outbreak of World War II, the London Zoo killed all their venomous animals in case the zoo was bombed and the animals escaped

When I was in middle school I got a note from a girl with a "yes, no, or maybe" box to check I checked maybe to be funny and she ran to the bathroom crying........ I was later informed the note wasn't even for me so to this day I'm still not sure why she ran off crying

maybe

I read this as "dunk" at first and the picture hadn't loaded.... then it loaded and I was even more confused for a second

.....this bottle has been in the freezer for almost 3 months

No the eggs were bad and I forgot I had some vodka left

somehow I walked out of the kitchen with vodka instead...

I call red panda everyone saw it here first

Done have your people call my people..

I have one so I can buy booze because no one believes my real ID

you can have it I will straight up trade you accounts

......At least you're not purple *fixed it

you can actually buy those in stores? I always thought they were issued out by the Government to people over 70

a Penguin I'd be super cute and then get eaten by a leopard seal

^ seconded