SwimModSponges

Central Waters is my go-to brewery, them and O'so.

Im not falling for that one again.

False.

Well i did, but that hard drive is currwntly compromised.

Money could never replace the feeling i get from doing a good job. :robotD

I have literally never in my life heard of a person named Butt/Buck Naked. That includes this instance, as i am chosing to interpret your wording "go by buck naked" to mean "walk by buck naked" which is a great time.

God damnit. Here i go again, copy pasting the entirety of my published epic. I still think we should make ghostrek[/member] do it.

Im watching youtube videos of it, and it seems mighty fun.

The kind of artist whose computer is still dead.

Read and review my fanfictions like you promised to.

I would be very upset about that. In fact, someone should go and download all my work so its saved in the event that conversion is not possible. I nominate ghostrek[/member].

Only then will it truly feel as genuine as it is.

Did you know that the show us based on characters from archie comics? I didn't.

Which aunt would you rather sleep with, Hilda or Zelda?

I want a garbanzo bean on me.

We should all be so lucky. *prays that ghostrek reads my fanfictions*

Find something to do that you love. Or hey, maybe live reality and love reality.

Never saw it. Figured it probably wasn't good.

I did not treat myself the other day, but i got the pets some toys and the girlfriend some new clothes.

The modification would automatically eject the used coffee grounds after making a pot. Well the kid got in huge trouble. Grounds for expulsion.

Im going to a 90th birthday party.

14 - Episode 13 part 2- The thrilling conclusion Triumphantly, the Indominous Rex and I rode out into the clearing to join the group. “Thanks guys,” I said to the Kratt brothers while patting the spiked white hide of the creature below me. “I knew you’d know what to do.” “Anytime,” said Zoboomafoo before laughing and leaping away through a dimensional rift, the Kratt brothers following with a wave goodbye. “Wait, the Kratt brothers have the ability to switch universes as well?” asked Beast. “How many other beings like you and David are there?” “Well, you know, there’s the ones you’d expect of course,” I began. “Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Vishnu… occasionally see the God of the Old Testament lurking around, he’s really kind of an asshole. Thor, Osiris, Cthulhu, Vivec, Mehrunes Dagon, Talos… you know, god material. Then there’s the folks you wouldn’t really expect, like myself and Zoboomafoo. Yeah, the Kratt bros are actually just projections of his being. He's actually ancient; like, 6,000 BC-ish, the lemurs of Madagascar created their own primitive god. Super chill dude though. Let’s see, who else… Chris Farley is up here too, he’s cool, there’s like this 8 year old Korean kid, bumped into him a few times… most dolphins, quite a few squid, I mean, theoretically there’s a universe out there for everyone to be a god in, if you really think about it.” “How is any of this helping us find Wolverine?” demanded Charles angrily. “Oh, shit, that’s right, plot.” I said. “Ok hang on, I got this.” As I spoke, Claire’s phone began to ring. Everyone turned to watch as she fumbled the device out of her pocket and looked down at the name displayed on the screen. “Hello?” she answered cautiously. “Finally, someone picks up a phone.” said the perturbed voice of Simon Masrani. “Where have you been?” he continued in his richly accented voice. “I was starting to think you’d been abducted by aliens.” “Actually, I was,” began Claire before being cutoff. “It’s an expression, Claire; I don’t care where you were. I only need to know that you’re doing your job. And from the looks of things, you haven’t been.” Claire winced as Masrani berated her over the line. “In case you were unaware, during your absence there have been breaches in security all over the park.” “Yes, I’m aware of the situation and I’m working to rectify it,” said Claire contritely. “Currently I am overseeing an operation to reacquire several assets near the Gyroshpere attraction.” “Oh, the Gyrosphere attraction, wonderful,” said Masrani bitingly. “So what are you doing about the Tyrannosaurs loose on Main Street?” “I… I’ll be right there Mr. Masrani,” Claire stammered, but the line was already dead. “So…” I said after a moment of silence had elapsed. “Final battle time? Hey Claire, want to ride a dinosaur?” “Yeah, sure, fine; I’m probably going to be fired anyways,” she said. “May as well make it a fun last day.” She pointed to the Apatosauruses in which stood near us. “I’ll take one of these guys. Maybe throw a canopy on its back or something like that. You know, make it look grand and regal.” “Exquisite choice madam,” I said as the large sauropod with an sauntered up to her, a rope ladder hanging down from the luxurious canopy atop its back. “And for you mam?” I asked, turning to Zara. “Let’s go for the Pachycephalosaurus,” she said. I turned to Quill next. “I don’t know, something awesome I suppose,” he replied. “Suchomimus it is then,” I said as the large Spinosaurus-like carnivore strode towards him. “How about you Owen? You going to ride one of them raptors now?” I said with a wink. “Why do keep doing that?” he asked me. “You’re making it weird. Knock it off.” “Come on Owen,” I replied. “I know what universe this is; you know what universe this is. You want to ride one of those raptors, don’t you?” “What?” replied Owen as everyone turned to look at him. “I don’t know what this guy is talking about.” “Last chance,” I said. “Ok, fine, I’ll ride Blue then I guess,” he said. “Yeah, I bet you will,” I said as the dinosaur ran out with a saddle on. “You might want to buy her a drink first though. Oh and watch out, you may get dome dinosaur STDs." Owen blushed as he sat on top of the dinosaur, the scaled skin rubbing between his legs giving him an erection that he could barely hide. "Is that everybody? All right then, dinosaur convoy, move out!” As we rode away towards Main Street, a stegosaurus which had been standing nearby shed a single tear because no one had wanted to ride its armor plated body. We heard the echoes of the Tyrannosaurus’s bellow long before we were close enough to hear the cries of the panicked tourists. By this point, the intermittent roar of the dinosaur was very nearly deafening. We finally broke free of the jungle, stepping out onto Main Street and into a veritable river of people rushing away from the monster behind them. The human herd broke around as we stepped out into the thoroughfare; the already panicked tourists becoming more frightened when confronted with our wild dinosaur mounts. The deafening cry of the Tyrannosaurus rang out once again; very close by. A surge of screams drew our attention as a large group of people rushed from around the side of a building. The last one around the corner tripped, and was immediately engulfed by the jaws of the massive dinosaur which had pursued him. The Rex lifted its head, rolling the screaming man back into its throat before bringing its jaws down around him with a sickening crunch. It swallowed and turned to us. A crack in reality split through the top of the dinosaurs head and into the air above. From its black emptiness, David emerged; its black tentacles wrapping down around and into the tyrannosaurus’s head, fusing to form a sort of standing podium atop the prehistoric carnivore. “Hello Sponges,” it said from its perch. “Are you having a pleasant vacation?” “Actually, yeah, I kind of am,” I replied. “I mean, I would have liked to have spent more time by the pool or whatever, but it’s been all right. You know, life gives you lemons and all that. I do have one more dinosaur to cross off my list though, and it’s the one you’re currently standing on.” “Where the hell is Logan!” demanded Charles, his rage finally breaking loose in a blast of psychic energy which caused most of the tourists between us to suddenly begin bleeding from the nose and ears before fainting. Those tourists who were unharmed quickly abandoned the area, leaving us a large open arena in the middle of the crowd. David commanded the Tyrannosaurus to step into the opening while whipping out a large void tentacle, Wolverine dangling from the end. David sent out several more tentacles and attached each to one of Logan’s limbs. With a cruel mockery of a grin, it began pulling. “I think it’s about time for that deus ex machina you mentioned before,” said Beast as Logan screamed in agony before us. I simply winked and nodded back towards the open arena. Suddenly, a man stepped out of the crowd that lined the space, a look of pure awe on his face as he stared at us. “Chris Pratt?” said both Chris Pratts simultaneously upon recognizing him. “What?” he asked, slightly confused but seemingly very enthused to currently be speaking to his doppelgangers. “No, I’m Andy, Andy Dwyer. Yeah, I’m on vacation; it was super cheap when you bundled a cruise with it. I mean, at that price you can’t really afford not to go, right? Anyways, then all this happens, and you guys step out… Let me level with you here, I have no idea what is going on, but something inside me told me I needed to be here.” He stepped forward into the opening, and as he did so, passed the event horizon. Particles from all three Pratts began breaking off from them, streaming to a point directly between them all. Where the Pratt particles met, they began to condense and spin rapidly into a singular, glowing ball of superheated Pratt. When the last dust of the three original Pratts faded into it, the ball pulsed into a microscopic supernova, the light of which blinded us momentarily. When it faded, a single Pratt stood before us. “Owen?” asked Claire. “Quill?” asked Zara. “Andy?” asked the Beast. “Pratt?” asked Kitty. “Yes,” he said to all of them. The OmniPratt then turned, reaching out his arm and plucking Logan effortlessly from David’s snares and placing him on the ground in front of us, where he gasped and groaned before standing. “You’ve had your fun, David,” the Prattgod continued. “But it’s time to finish this.” As he spoke, he and I stared into the Tyrannosaurus’s eyes, forming a mind link with the creature. The dinosaur shook it head wildly, loosening David’s grip over it. With the combined will of two gods working against it, David slipped from his perch atop the tyrant lizard king’s crown. It tore through reality in a streak of darkness as the dinosaurs jaws closed down around it. “That totally counts as feeding it!” I shouted as I leapt off the Indominous Rex to wrap my arms around the scaly leg of the tyrannosaur. I pulled back from my embrace, triumphantly crossing the final species off the list as I turned back to the X-Men. “Well, I hope you guys had as much fun on our vacation as I did,” I said with a wide smile. “Take us back home now, you monster,” said Xavier angrily. “Sure you don’t want to go down just one waterslide?” I asked him. “Take us home, now.” He demanded. “Fine, whatever.” I said as the tropical boulevard around us was replaced by the wood paneling of the hallway outside of the teacher’s lounge. The sounds of celebration within were barely muffled by the closed door. Xavier gave me an agitated look as he wheeled into the room. “Hey guys! Welcome back!” shouted Kitty from near the keg in the corner of the room, raising a red plastic cup in greeting. More cups littered the room, as did essays which were strewn across the table tops with abandon. Logan and Beast were sitting across from each other doing competitive rows of shots, and Jean and Scott stumbled out of the adjacent bathroom, Jean whipping her mouth. I stood at the counter, mixing drinks. Charles sat in the corner with his arms crossed, the vein in his forehead pulsing. “What the hell is going on here?” asked the Charles in the doorway. “You said we would be grading essays when we got back!” “Hey, don’t ask me,” I said pointing to myself. “Go ask me about it.” “Yeah, they were kind of pissed you guys went on vacation without them.” I said from behind the bar. “So we just kind of said fuck it, let’s get drunk.” “This is absolutely unacceptable!” said Charles. “I want all of you to leave, now.” “Or,” I said, walking into the room and grabbing a bottle from the counter behind myself. “We could just join in and have a good time? Maybe drink so much that Kitty and Jean start making out with themselves?” “Oh, I’m already there,” said the Jean who had just finished giving Scott a blowie in the bathroom. She stalked confidently up to other Jean and grabbed her aggressively about the waist before pulling her in for a sensual kiss. Jean pulled back, fighting against the seduction. After some voracious tongue play Jean released her, gazing lustily into her eyes. “I’m… going to need a few drinks first,” said Jean. “Coming right up” I said as I began to pour. After the credits rolled; the party wound down and our doppelgangers left, leaving only the original group seated around the teachers lounge in a silent stupor, the exhaustion of the vacation finally catching up to the X-men. “Man, I don’t know about the rest of you,” slurred Logan drunkenly to no one in particular. “But my feet have felt amazing since we got back.”

13 - Episode 13 part 1- Sympathy for the devil Our dinosaur convoy emerged from the tree line into the bright morning sunlight of a vast open plain, the grass stretching off into the distance soaked with dew. Nearby, a group of Apatosaurus was munching lazily on the branches of the trees. I called time out and quickly ran over to feed and pet them before crossing them off my list. As I walked back towards the group, Quill’s ship appeared in the skyline and set down a ways from the herd. Quill, Zara, and Claire disembarked the craft and headed towards us; Claire holding some form of electronic instrument in her hands. As they came closer, the machine beeped and clicked rapidly. “What’s that you’ve got there?” asked Beast as they reached us. “It’s an electronic tracker, set to focus on the microchip we placed in the Indominous,” explained Claire. “And it should be right around here…” said Quill, eyes scanning the trees behind us for any sign of movement. “What? Do you think it’s just going to come out and say hi?” asked Owen. “First off, it’s going to hear that beeping a mile away, so you’re kind of giving away your position right there. Then there’s the fact that if its back there, then its downwind of us.” He threw a handful of grass in the air to illustrate his point. “You’re not hunting it,” he said, unshouldering his rifle nervously. “It’s hunting us.” We turned back to face the jungle, suddenly aware that we had not been alone. “But we know where it is now,” interjected Quill. “Why not just shoot a couple rockets at it and call it a day?” “We have invested literal millions of dollars into that asset,” said Claire, shaking her head. “Your mission is to contain the asset, not destroy it.” “Oh-ho, my mission?” replied Quill. “Let’s get something straight here, I don’t work for you. That’s the guy in the stupid vest.” “Hey, leave the vest out of this all right?” said Owen. “It’s functional." “Great, so what’s the plan now, Sponges?” asked Scott as his Pteranodon landed on the grass in front of me. “The Pratts weren’t enough, I see that now,” I replied as Owen and Quill argued in the background. “We need someone with an almost super-human understanding of what it means to make friends with animals.” As I spoke, a small, black and white furry creature with large yellow eyes leapt energetically out of the woods. I held out a garbanzo bean for our new bouncing friend, who excitedly took the legume from my hand. The creature leapt off a short ways before munching on the treat I had given it. After devouring the snack, the little lemur belched. “Excuse me,” it said as it began to spin around wildly, its excited gyrations culminating in a hoot-like chuckling and an impressive leap to the extended neck of an apatosaur which stood nearby. He looked down at us with a smile as he swung playfully on the massive creature. “Hi! How’s it going?” he asked. “What in god’s name am I witnessing right now?” asked Charles, his voice equal parts wonder and anger. “Hey, I know who that is!” shouted Kitty excitedly. “It’s Zoboomafoo!” “Wha-ha-hooha! That’s right!” said the speaking lemur. “And I brought friends too!” As he spoke, a smiling pair of men dressed in hiking gear stepped out from behind the apatosauruses and began waving at us. “Who the hell are these guys?” asked Quill pointing towards them, momentarily distracted from the argument. Owen looked towards the group as well and did a double take when he saw that a lemur had suddenly joined our party. “Ah, sorry, allow me to introduce you.” I said. I gestured to each individual as I spoke. “Peter Pratt, Owen Pratt; Chris Kratt, Martin Kratt. Zoboomafoo.” “Zoboomafoo!” shouted the lemur in response, before reciting the names again in the form of a song and leaping excitedly from the neck of the sauropods down towards us. “Ok, did I just have a stroke?” asked Beast. “Can someone please explain to me exactly what is going on here?” “We’re the Kratt brothers!” said the Kratt brothers. “And we love animals.” “You guys got here just in time,” I said. “Our Indominous Rex jumped out of its exhibit and now its hiding from us. We need to get it back, can you help us?” “Uh-oh,” began Chris Kratt. “When a dinosaur escapes containment, it can be a dangerous situation for them and everyone around them.” “Remember, this is an animal that has no idea what’s going on outside of its pen,” continued Martin Kratt. “Walking around in a world it doesn’t understand. It’s scared and afraid.” “Plus,” interjected Chris again, “it’s a genetic hybrid of several species. It has all kinds of different hardwired instincts running through its head.” “Right then,” I said as I began walking into the forest in the direction the tracker indicated. “I know what I have to do.” Dappled light shone through the canopy above, the forest still as the silent predator lurked further within. I strode through the underbrush, and upon finding a suitably large root to seat myself on, reached into my boxers and pulled out my list of dinosaurs. Further into the forest, I heard the crack of a twig. “You just going to hide in there all day then?” I asked the creature in the distance. “Look, I get it. You don’t know what the hell is going on here, you don’t know where you are, what to do… Shit, you don’t even know who you are.” I slipped the list back into my waistband before continuing. “That’s actually a pretty common situation; you’re not that special. To quote Timothy Leary, ‘we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos' That sound about right to you?” Silence continued through the forest. “I get it,” I repeated. “I know who you are. You ready for this? You are you. Yeah, that’s all there is to it. Life is a verb. You see the world around you? That’s your world. You see your hands? They’re your hands. Use them. You have to realize that no matter what is out there, you exist, so exist. Do what you want, be what you want. But no matter what you choose to be, choose to be.” I raised myself from my root-seat, brushing the dirt and flecks of moss from my boxers as I turned around. The Indominous Rex stood not five yards from me, baring its teeth. “Be yourself to the maximum potential,” I said as a large slab of beef appeared in my hands. The Indominous Rex opened its razor tooth lined jaw, preparing to strike.

Chapter 12 - Episode 12- Back to running from dinosaurs Night had enveloped the landscape as we came in for a landing. The large spotlights on Quill’s craft illuminated the area around Owen, Beast, and the Ankylosaur as he set the craft down next to them. As we exited the ship I quickly ran up and snuggled the armored dinosaur; the young Pachycephalosaurus rushing off into the darkness beyond. An official Jurassic World vehicle rolled up into the glow of the floodlights as Xavier disembarked from it; seated in a shiny new wheelchair. “Where’s Logan?” he snapped at me. “I don’t sense him among you.” “Well,” I began. “He’s probably getting tentacle raped right about now. We’re going to get him back though, I promise.” Absent-mindedly, I reached into the waistband of my boxers and pulled out my list; only five creatures remained to be pet and fed… I could still do this if I tried. “God damn it Sponges, we need some sort of a plan!” barked Scott angrily. I raised my hand, dismissively shushing him as I cocked my head slightly; listening to the wind. “Don’t you shush me!” he said as I shushed him again. This time, however, he heard it. The tropical night air was still; the ambient reverberations of insects pulsing rhythmically out throughout the valley. The restless hoot of a Parasaurolophus cried out in the darkness, echoed by another and another as the sounds of the milling herd ground through the air towards us. My brow furrowed as I listened more closely for the sound I thought I had heard. I looked to Owen, whose expression mirrored my own. Barely perceptible in the darkness of the valley, we heard a snarl. “Raptors,” said Owen.“My raptors?” he asked worriedly. “No, it’s worse,” I said. “These are wild raptors. Survivors from the first park.” Another snarl pierced the darkness, and then another. They were coming closer. “I believe it might be a good time to vacate these premises,” said Beast as he slowly backed towards the open door of the vehicle behind him. Claire, Zara, and Quill rushed back onto the spacecraft and sped off into the night as the X-Men piled into the other vehicle. From a mount on the back of the car, Owen removed a lightweight motorbike. I climbed onto the top of the automobile, scanning the tufts of tall grass which dotted the floor of the valley around us for any sign of movement. From my vantage point, I was just barely able to make out the trails in the long grass the creatures left as they crept towards us in the darkness. “From the northeast!” I shouted when I was certain of their location. “Drive south, now!” We tore out of the clearing just as the raptors behind us burst from their cover; their smooth dark brown mottled skin glistening in the moonlight. We raced erratically away from our pursuers through the darkness, the vicious cough of their vocalizations ringing out behind us. An answering cry from up ahead confirmed that their trap had been set. Another raptor leapt out from a tuft of grass to our side; its rancorous serrated jaws and six-inch sickle shaped claws bearing down on the motorcycle-riding Pratt who rushed toward the certain death of the creature’s blades. From the top of the racing car I whipped out my voidspear; intercepting the leaping velociraptor and sending it flying safely away from Pratt, who swerved slightly but was able to maintain control of his motorcycle. We came to a dirt service road and continued to drive through the darkened jungle, the sounds of our vicious pursuers still behind us. “Over there!” I shouted as I pointed to the glint of a gigantic metal dome which rose up over the treetops. We pulled into the entrance of the aviary and rushed inside, locking the door behind us just before the raptors crashed into them, shaking the doorframe. “So what’s your plan here?” asked Scott angrily. I of course did not answer, and was currently climbing towards a roosted Dimorphodon with a handful of freeze dried mealworms. “Answer me!” he shouted as I pet the drowsy Pterosaur as it happily lapped up the breakfast I was providing; the first rays of morning sun filtering through the glass mesh ceiling. “Hang on,” I said finally as I climbed higher, towards the larger Pteranodons which rested near the top of the rock formation which took up a large percentage of the aviary. I reached on and placed my hand on its ivory beak; the large birdlike reptile snapping awake as it eyed me suspiciously. I summoned a fish from midair and offered it towards the creature, which gladly accepted as I reached up to scratch the back of its head behind its long crest. With a final pat, I installed a machine into the orbital lobe of the creature’s brain. I flicked it on, and Scott shouted with surprise. “All right,” I continued. “I just hooked your goggles up to the superior vision of this ancient aerial predator. What you’re going to do is climb up on its back, fly on out of here, and shoot those raptors with your laser vision (scene requested by Nabanriel). Think you can handle it?” Behind me, the pteranodon stretched its massive leathery wings. “Is it safe?” asked Scott skeptically as the birdlike reptile stepped off the rock, flapping it large wings a single time as it glided down to land in front of him. “Don’t be a bitch, Scott,” I replied. “And how will this get Logan back, or get us off this god-forsaken island?” demanded Charles angrily. “And don’t forget, we’ve still got that loose Indominous Rex out there too,” said Owen. “Don’t worry you guys, I totally have a plan for all of that,” I said, attempting to calm them. “Let’s just take one thing at a time here. Cyclops, just get rid of those raptors for now and we’ll take it from there.” “You better not just be fvcking with me,” he said as he cautiously began to mount the pteranodon. The creature sat calmly, and he shrugged and turned his head upwards, issuing a laser blast through the aviary dome. The pteranodon lifted up below him as they began to fly away. “So, what is the rest of the plan?” asked Pratt after a moment. Casually, I reached my hand into my boxers, pulling out the list with a smile. ========================== “All right, zapped the raptors,” said Scott as he landed the pteranodon outside of the dome and opened the door. “Now what?” As we stepped out of the massive structure into the sunlight, the trees around us began to rustle. “Now, we ride,” I said as the dinosaurs I had successfully crossed off the list began to emerge from the foliage, each bearing a saddle for the X-Men to sit upon. Scott climbed back atop his Pteranodon, while Kitty and Jean chose a Gallimimus and a Parasaurolophus, respectively. Beast triumphantly mounted a fully grown Triceratops, and Xavier protested the entire time I strapped his wheelchair to the back of an Ankylosaurus. “Would you like to ride one of your Velociraptors? I asked Pratt, giving him a wink to make the whole thing seem weird. “No…” he said, seemingly unnerved by the question. “I think I’ll uh… I’ll stick to the motorcycle… thanks.” “What about you Sponges?” asked Beast. “Will you not be joining us?” “Oh, I’ll be riding,” I said, looking once again at my list. Three dinosaurs remained uncrossed; Apatasaurus, Tyrannosaurus, and the Indominous Rex. Taking a pen, I circled the final creature. “I’ll be riding all right.”