EmpressAngel

The pussy jokes are so easy my brain short-circuited. Jojo- DOUBLE SHOCK. I love how it's been hours and he just now figured out it was the Nazi. Goddamn Germans and their automail. Good you can chop off his leg again. And after this, have a seat on the sofa and watch me work too. Fight me Kars, my lungs are protected by inches of boobs and uncontrollable thirst is the strongest motivation of all. This isn't even the weirdest posing in this show. Are we really supposed to root for the Nazi here? GUN GUT. This entire show really must have been insanely fun to dub. Is it too much to hope that they kill each other? SECRET CHAINSAW. Whelp so much for the Nazi. Block it with your big ol' dick, baby. I'm sorry Jojo you have to suffer because I love you. I really hope that's a fake stone. That is one resiliant Nazi. Hey honey maybe stop narrating and pick it up. Oh hey guys nice of you to stand there doing absolutely nothing. You could say it was a Kars accident. If you get that stone I'll suck your dick. I'm so proud of you take off your pants. NO WHY DOES EVERYTHING I LOVE DIE. Jojo's having a bad day. Thanks, narrator. Stop killing my boyfriend you son of a bitch. Do literally anything at all to help him, you assholes. Oh hey Caesar nice of you to join us. You're both idiots and I love you. CAESARINO. This is going too well. At least he didn't hurt the flowers. I am uncomfortable with that laugh. Now you should probably get that other ring out of your chest. Hi kitty! Ohhhh my god, fuck me. Come here baby put your face in my boobs you'll feel better. Blow up that building! Boyfriend is surprisingly smart right now. Boys don't fight you're both pretty just make out. Oh no, he's fully cocked here. And then Caesar was on fire. Now rip each other's clothes off. Okay so Caesar's definitely about to fucking die. Oh boy we've unlocked his tragic backstory! Gundam- This recap takes up like half the episode and yet I still can't keep track of this show every week. As long as we're talking about boxes, my other group of thirsty Jojo hoes agreed that Joseph is by far the most likely to ruin Christmas with an ill-planned dick in a box. I was pretty sure that lady died last week but I guess I stand corrected. Full Frontal is by far the most disappointing name every week. I still can't follow the mecha fights in this show but I think it's going well? Or not? Kid you sure are getting a lot of people killed for somebody who doesn't want to be a soldier or fight. Okay I have no idea what the hell is going on now. Is that the end of the show? Hunter- Show me more of the boob lady and her magic sexy powers. I'm sure that hunter site is full of Hisoka's nudes. I like the old wild west saloon theme. Oh man imagine how fun the porn is in this universe. IF YOU DIE IN THE GAME YOU DIE IN REAL LIFE. You guys are seriously stuck in a mediocre creepypasta. Gon, your dad's a dick. Time to hit up eBay. You kids got scammed. Oh I hope nobody got the eyes. Well this seems simple enough. He is way smarter than me. It's easier to protect your boss if you have some idea of who's gonna attack, douchewad. I'm pretty sure that's one of the zombie paintings from Thriller Bark. Aww she's cute I like her stuffed animals. I mean she collects human body parts like Beanie Babies so you should probably still keep your distance. I automatically don't trust these people. Nice rack. Oh she's a fortune teller that's cool. I want her and Perona to be friends. Oh hey it's that one girl with the arms. I don't like Hisoka either, guy. Does that fortune say somebody's gonna fuck their brother? I like her she's so much fun. GO AWAY, HISOKA. That's a nice face tattoo you got there. This dude's got a rage boner going. Ewwww who's selling an old tissue. Ohhh that is an unfortunate request, again. Naruto- So I've been marathoning Samurai Jack before it starts back up next week (I'm calling it my Jack-Off because I'm a mature adult) and I definitely feel like I was way too stupid and inattentive to appreciate this show back when I was a kid. One Piece- NOOOOOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE I'd rather slam my tits into a brick wall than watch more Foxy.

Me: Get that stone and I'll suck your dick! Also me, five seconds later: WHY DOES EVERYTHING I LOVE DIE

So what, we each get him to ourselves for two days and then group date on Sunday because I can roll with that. The kiddie pool is full of tequila.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- Wait what holy shit.

Sweet jesus that does things for me.

Good god he's attractive

I feel like Jojo has enough room in his heart for both of us. I mean like literally, you could motorboat those pecs. He might not fit in a kiddie pool though but I am still 100% cool with the nudity.

NO FAIR I'LL FIGHT YOU FOR HIM.

You mean you didn't like Ace dicking around with a giant lizard?

Back when they arrived in Alasbata with Vivi, Ace showed up to play around, fought Smoker, and gave Luffy his paper without explaining what it is.

I hope that's covered by my insurance next time I go to the ER. Jojo- Uh you got a thing on your back. I'm pretty sure Jojo's fight was tougher than Caesar's. Susie sounds like Brad Pitt's attempt at Italian in Inglorious Basterds. HELLOOOOO LISA LISA. Susie has the best job. Good god he's attractive. YES YOU'RE HANDSOME. You shut your mouth, his lips are great. It's okay baby I love you enough for multiple women. Bang that maid, Jojo. Ohhh that can't be a good thing. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't do the same thing. Boner alert. NICE. Wait what that's not right. OH THIS IS NOT GOOD. Sorry Jojo, there goes your best shot at getting laid. Aw fuck gotta go find the boat. Oh hey Caesar nice of you to join us. This is a weird day for everyone. Sorry Jojo, Casesar's gonna bang her instead. Goddammit Caesar could you do anything helpful. ACDC loves calling people dickheads. That's gotta suck for Susie. Well at least you tried. Aw fuck you failed. Owww that's gonna hurt. I mean at this point you'd might as well just kill her. Poor Jojo come here let me hug you and make out with you a little. Y'all can go ahead and double team me too after this. Did that screen just say 'nipple' because great. Now he's a Futurama brain again. He's so sweet I love him. She's had a bad day. Why the hell are they in Switzerland? That car is way too small for so much muscle. If I were her I'd take this time to get beyond drunk. He's such a giant dork I'm gonna fuck him. Awwww puppy. Nooooo puppy. Thanks, Kars. Let the boy sleep he's had a long day. STOP HONKING YOU FUCKER. Aw fuck it's more Germans. Oh no this can't be good. I want that necklace. I don't trust these Nazis. Thanks for the history lesson, narrator. This is just getting worse by the minute. How tall are they in American? And then they all died. Oh I got something you can eat, baby. Wait isn't he supposed to be dead? Why is he a goddamn terminator. I guess I should look on the bright side, at least this time the presumed-dead Nazi terminator didn't show up and shoot my boyfriend in the face. Gundam- Seriously show, thanks for the endless recap. Full Frontal is the most disappointing name. Did that lady die? I guess not. Ouch right in the babymaker. She's having a rough day. I dislike Benedryl. She's having a rough day. Yay BB-8 is here. I don't really like anyone in this show and that makes it really hard to care. So was the box just a bunch of money then? Dude's got a point, if you don't wanna be a soldier stop running out in the middle of fights every day. I don't really understand all this coordinate stuff. Never mention someone's family that's a great way to get them dead. Hunter- Just go out the window, guys. He stole those balls from Jojo. I would also take a bullet for a sweet rack. I like mustache guy. Stab him in the face! Shadow clone jutsu. Blond Sasuke is way smarter than me. I don't trust this guy, stab him in the face anyway. Seriously just go out the window, y'all. Is your tiny little ball a lie detector now? How did he even do that. Thanks for the lesson, mole man. I like the mole man he seems like a good friend. Wait what mole man is a mole girl wow that's unfortunate for her. That's some fantastic power right there. Okay buddy how much do I have to pay you to write me some filthy Jojo porn. You guys could have just done this first and saved some trouble. Talk to the boobs. That is the best power and I want it. MAKE OUT WITH ME, WOMAN. This is an awkward boner for everyone. Puppies! Well that was surprisingly easy. I want them all to be friends. Don't be rude to the sweet mole girl. Well I mean you got one of those items right there in your face. Meanwhile, fucking weeb. CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKER. I miss the hot idiot. Naruto- Quick question can you drive from Venice to Switzerland and then back to Rome in like five days? I don't know distances...or car speeds...or basic math. One Piece- Please just let me stop crying, show. SONG, DRINK. Brook I'm pretty sure you went completely bonkers for awhile there. Hug that skeleton, Luffy! FUCK YEAH, SKELETON CREW. You idiots. I too know how it feels to be drunk and confused. I LOVE BROOK SO MUCH. Yaaaaay happy whale! He's so happy I'm gonna cry. No really, is his bounty still valid? I'm already proud of you, Brook! YOHOHOHOHO. Music buddies! Awwwww they made a grave for them that's so nice. Ah yes, the beloved crewmate UFCJ03JTUSA MRRUKAFAT. Song, drink! Oh hi Zoro you can move. I'm never gonna get tired of the skull jokes. I love you, Lola. Show me some mermaids! Mermaids don't wear underpants, Brook. I'm sure Lola's mom won't be important later at all. Oh hey that's a nifty idea. AAAAAAAAAAAAACE. I get two boyfriends in one night I am a lucky girl. OH NO WHY DOES EVERYTHING I LOVE DIE. Is it time for Ace rescue arc? Bye Lola and everybody else. Oh fuck what is that. I'm not okay with this, go rescue him now! Go bail him out or I'll get mad. If he dies I'm punching you. MORE PARTY.

I went up two cup sizes in college, and two more in the years after that. I'm only a couple years younger than Robin, so it's definitely possible to hit a boob growth spurt as an adult.

It happens. I've gone up four cup sizes since I was in high school, despite my weight actually going down. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Boi if I had any talent I'd be doin' the same thing but instead I have to pay other people online to make my weird Jojo fetish porn. Joseph and Caesar could go ahead and double team me while they're at it.

Me commenting on this show every damn week:

Don't know where you're getting "everyone is asexual" from. Nami has shown explicit interest in at least one person before.

The obvious answer here is threeway, but I'm not sure any woman could survive both of those at once. I got a death wish I volunteer.

Hey now would a filthy pervert have a conbined 1000+ pictures of Ace and Jojo...y'know what don't answer that just let me wallow in my filth. I am not even watching this filler, but I can respect a boob seduction move.

I'm pretty sure that's one of the flying brains from Futurama. Jojo- Aw shit they found the stone. Or not. Hey Lisa I love that dress but it'd look better on my floor. That girl is cute. Ooh that’s a fancy necklace I want it. Maybe you just need to punch them really really hard. DANGER ZONE, JOJO. Fuck you ACDC. Honey I’m pretty sure lungs are vital for people regardless of hamon use. Yes take the antidote so finally someone I love doesn’t die. KICK HIS ASS, BABY. You got some impressive finger moves, boy. Aim for his dick! Nooo don’t rip off his fingers I like those. Friendly assist from the corpse. SUCK IT, ACDC. Just like how I already decided I was gonna bang Joseph during his very first scene. This is going too well. What the fuck why is he crying. Not sure if this is a trap or just super awkward. Me too buddy have you tried getting drunk and crying in the shower? Aw damn he figured it out. CORPSE ARM, GO. Is everything in this show innuendo or am I just a filthy pervert. Yeah you’re kinda fucked here, darling. Haa they’re Earth Wind and Fire aren’t they. EAT BALLS, DOUCHE. No don’t hurt him I love him. Oh you’re flaming alright. Meanwhile, Caesar plays with bubbles. Sooo smooth. How did you guys not notice the evil abomination murdering and fighting dudes. “And man, those sweet goddamn muscles.” Oh it's true love alright. And then his face was on fire. YES HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE. I love your sexy lips, baby. Yes use the Hisoka plan. Don’t let the tentacles get you! Oh hey it worked. Hey that’s his line! Fuck you, ACDC. Back off dude he’s mine. Thanks for being no help at all, you guys. I also wanna hear his screams but for entirely different reasons. If you're gonna attack him start by burning his pants off. God I love him. Oh I bet you go deep, baby. Sexiest magician I've ever seen but there's not much competition for that. FUCK YEAH JOJO. Make sure you get that antidote before you destroy him. Well shit if you’re into the torture thing I can work with that. Now unpoison yourself! Yaaaay now he’s only halfway dead! You worked hard you deserve a back massage and a shoulder massage and a celebratory handjob. Ohhhh fuck that can’t be good. Gundam- Gonna be honest I nodded off for most of this. Too much talking, just beat up the kid. Hunter- Thank god for these intro lessons because I cannot remember these things every week. Oh hey, blond Sasuke. So if you fail the nen test do they revoke your license? Oh right this stuff was happening too. Are you a vodka wizard too? I am too dumb for this, show. No kid, you are gonna get your ass kicked when you fight. Aw shit I hate quizzes. Just like how you're much better off buying dildos than trying to make your own. GO AWAY, HISOKA. Oh boy go with the guy buying plates. Well that last dude sounds super fucking creepy. He'll show you buddy, he'll make that unbreakable chain! And then a random mole man. Yeah I think this guy should go witih the tupperware request. HELLOOOOO BOOBS. Well that's not creepy or anything. Kick them in the dicks, Boobs! Ohhh I like her. Meanwhile, mustache. PUPPIES! Play with the puppies. Aw crap are they gonna have to fight to the death? Just a routine shopping trip, no big deal. Ohhhh that is unfortunate. Befriend that mole man. Whelp you're all gonna die. Just jump out the window. Naruto- Still don't care, show! One Piece- Whelp time to cry over a whale again. Fun drinking game: take a shot every time you hear Binks' song and then try not to die. Alas, poor Redshirt, I knew him. Oh god this is just depressing. Brook is the best and I love him. STOP MAKING ME CRY, SAD FLASHBACKS. And then half the crew died. "We bring smiles to children's faces and also make grown women sob uncontrollably." At least he doesn't have to die alone. If only Chopper had been around 50 years ago. This is the saddest drinking song I've ever heard. And so Brook lost his goddamn mind. Oh god this is the saddest dream please make it stop. "Hey, do you think that dying guy who we sent out on his own is gonna be alright?" I wonder if Brook's bounty still counts since he's dead and all. SOMEONE HUG THAT SKELETON. Meanwhile, Franky twerking. Huh, his head opens. Oh sweet. Oh noooooo resume the crying. Aaaand everyone else is goddamn dead. I have cried more for that whale than I did for any of my grandparents. Drink away the pain, self. Sing along, y'all. Oh that is just unfair stop showing me the adorable baby whale. That musical episode of Dandy was some good practice for Brook. Please don't cry my tear ducts hurt. Send Laboon a letter at least! Between all the crying I do with this show and something completely different for Jojo I am beyond dehydrated by the end of the night.

I remember back in the 90's Disney used to show this movie called Susie Q where the pink Power Ranger was a girl who got killed by a drunk driver in the 50's and came back as a ghost to haunt a teenage boy and force him to help her family save their house or something. It was kinda fucked up now that I think about it. Also Jojo's still super hot.

Okay is EVERYTHING in this show just a sex joke waiting to happen or what.

No wonder Caesar's so popular with women.

I think "Get good or die of poison" would be a pretty good motivator to stay awake for a couple days.

Jonathan was almost too buff, I'd be worried about getting snapped in half. Good on Erina for nailing that at least once without dying. Jojo- Welcome to another week of me being uncomfortably attracted to a sexy cartoon man. You can do it baby I believe in you. This water is doing nothing to relieve my thirst. Ya gotta finger it, baby. I can make you like grinding, sexy. Air Supplina island? Well that mask is freaky. Nooo not his sexy face. Why is everyone beating up my boyfriend. IT'S A HOT CHICK. If Jojo dies I'm gonna marry her. I love her already. Noooo don't cover up his sexy face! How am I supposed to make out with him now? I'll fight for you, lady. I'LL MARRY HER. Good luck, boyfriend. Yaaay Speedwagon and Erina are okay. I remember this from Mulan, just wrap some straps around it and climb up. That is one lubed-up shaft. I don't like your odds, boys. I love that he rips his clothes off when he's angry. He is actually doing the Mulan thing. Sorry babe you're gonna die here. Punch holes in the pillar and use them to climb up. This could be going better. Meanwhile, Caesar sucks and fails. Yaaay he's smart. Okay that mask might be doing things for me. OWNER OF A LONELY HEART-wait wrong song. Finger it, baby. I could be making so many boner jokes right now. No, you sexy idiot! Whelp you're fucked. Use Caesar as a shield! Huh, that went surprisingly well. You can do it baby I believe in you. I'm exhausted just watching this. Awww Caesar really does care. When in doubt, just brute force your way through it. I love this goddamn idiot. Ohhhhh damn those sweet buff arms. Best friends forever now! THESE IDIOTS. I love the narrator. Exact your revenge on me, baby. Yaaaay he can do the water thing. "Only" three days later. Sweet Jesus I am into this. Train me into the ground too, coach. Loggins? DANGER ZONE. Well that was a quick month but at least he might not die. I mean I probably would have just accepted death and spent the next month frantically banging any willing women in the hopes of passing on the family line but I guess that works too. Now gimme that sexy face again. Gundam- On the flip side, this guy can keep his mask. He got that robot because nepotism is still a thing in space. I sure as hell don't know what you're talking about either, guy. Yeah go ahead and be a douche to the small children giving you food. This is the most awkward meal since my family's drunken Thanksgiving every single year. Space Nazis, got it. So this blond kid is totally gonna die isn't he. Hunter- Luffy and Gon's dads should start a club for fathers who abandon their children for years at a time. He sounds like a douche. At least he knows that he's a douche. Aw shit he's riding multiple Godzillas that's so cool. Diiiiiick. No turn it back on I wanna know who he banged. Gon is just the sweetest kid. "This message will self-destruct in 10 seconds." God what a douche. BRB, gotta go buy a Playstation. Oh boy I hope they have Donkey Kong. Good job, you're in a shitty creepypasta. Call all your hunter buddies but not Hisoka. Most of those messages are just Hisoka requesting nudes. I don't even remember who that is. Ohhh the butler. I hate that kid. Of course he has life-size waifu figures. TAKE A POTATO CHIP, AND EAT IT. These kids are just so cute. Oh hey the others will be there. Whelp, better get back in the fightin' tower. The most sinister fat kid I've seen in a long time. Awww auntie. Naruto- Since Lisa Lisa's obviously the strongest Hamon user, maybe they could just ask her reeeeally nicely and she'll beat up the pillar men for Jojo. One Piece- Ohhh I am gonna cry a lot with this episode aren't I. BABY LABOON IS SO CUTE. Awwww Laboon saved them he's the best. I am already crying because I know what's coming. Oh no the seaking wants to eat him. I need to hug that whale. I need to hug that skeleton. CRYING INTENSIFIES. He's just a baby don't leave him! Yeah you're definitely just making it worse. Sad whale breaks my heart. Okay I'm kinda glad they all died now. LABOON IS CRYING YOU BASTARDS. Yeah I'm sure this is gonna go just great for you guys. Oh hey that guy. I'll also let anybody hang around in exchange for food and booze. Yaaaay Laboon made it! I goddamn love that whale. Dude you left a baby alone in the middle of a hurricane, hundreds of miles away from his family; you're lucky he didn't die. I do love this song. PLAY FREEBIRD. Just when I stop crying, I remember that Laboon spends the next 50 years waiting for his friends who are dead and I start sobbing again. SOMEONE HUG THAT WHALE. Stop show I'm already crying hard enough.

Okay that mask might definitely be doing things for me but I miss his sexy face.