EmpressAngel

What kind of Monkey's Paw, be careful what you wish for bullshit is this? I hope the curse I have where hot fire dudes suffer and/or die hits him in full force.

. OH GODDAMMIT how dare they make a super hot dilf with fire powers and then make him too much of a piece of shit for me to love.

Even the best ingredient in a shit sandwich is still in a shit sandwich.

That you're still giggling about Love Live beating One Piece exactly once, two years after it happened?

My last root canal was better that SAO.

Have you ever actually spoken to a woman before? When the grown adult nurse is salivating over a teenage boy that she's supposed to be monitoring, it's a fuckign problem. It's not funny, it's just gross and uncomfortable. Literally all those girls except for his virtual daughter and AIDS lesbian are romantically interested in him. It seems like a character trait that gets added by default whenever a new female character gets made. "If we get married, you'd be the one to change your name!" Yeah, that's a sentence that a straight girl says to her female friend in an entirely platonic way.

2018 is the year that Seitz just outright tries to seduce me with men I should hate and damn he's succeeding.

Except no, it's not refreshing at all. The fact that Kirito hooks up with one halfway through the first season doesn't change the fact that almost every single female character is attracted to him. Like, I think literally the only ones we've seen who weren't his fangirls were NPC game programs and the AIDS lesbian. The author has no idea how to write women outside of love interests, and it's even more annoying because he's with Asuna, we already know that throwing yet another blushing pair of tits at him is going to have no payoff.

Actually, I'd probably enjoy Klein Art Online a lot more. A main character who's perfectly average but has an enjoyable personality, with a good dynamic with a group of female characters that AREN'T cringingly thirsty for his dick, all going on adventures? That sounds a lot more entertaining than smarmy Kirito, who is the best player EVER at any game he picks up and is an instant expert with damn near every new skill, solving mysteries while every pair of tits in the vicinity is immediately smitten.

She hasn't seen him in 16 years and this is what he looked like last time they met: That's a compliment. Call me, grandpa.

Hero- I'm roothing for you, bird friend. Go away, Mineta. Careful there lightning boy or you'll go into stupid mode. Aw crap the jetpack's broke. Don't hurt bird friend please. Bakugo's so fucking angry he's gonna kill this guy. Oh, he's douche Rogue. Hiiiii Endeavor. Oh no Iida what are you doing. Aw shit they got it. Do it for the cute girl, Deku! Kid no don't break all your limbs now. I'm never gonna remember most of these 1-B kids. SO ANGRY. He doesn't even know their names. The one thing they didn't count on, Bakugo's horrific anger issues. Icy Hot is perturbed. Grab all the headbands to make sure. FUUUUUCK. Aw shit lightning boy. This is so fucking intense why can't real sports be this fun. Cue the sad trombone music. Oh hey, tired boy is here. THANK YOU BIRD FRIEND. Oh Icy Hot, you and your daddy issues. Hey Icy Hot, I'm gonna fuck your dad. Aizawa continues to suffer. I love all these kids. Just shove me between All Might and Endeavor here and I can die happy. Titan- Oh right, it's these assholes. At least one dude here can think. This is clearly not a trap. Levi doesn't fuck around. Don't squeal, Erwin. I'm surprised that they have journalists at all here. Run, Fatass! Jesus what kind of arm strength do you need to haul that guy up? Hey Hange. Fucking Cowboy Kenny, at it again. Fatass raises a good point. Sorry lady, Levi could not give less of a fuck. Oh you stupid bitch. Oh hey, you made a friend. What the fuck, Jean. He raises a good point, that hair is awful. You're a good due, Bowl Cut. Stick. Man I hope these two don't fuck you over to save their own skins. YEEEHAAWW. This guy looks like Gold Roger's brother with a less impressive mustache. RIP Fatass. Yeah this is definitely not a trap at all. Convenient Hange to the rescue. Wow what a shock that was a trap all along. Oh that's an unfortunate teabagging. SLOW CLAP. At least Levi's having some fun. Aw fuck now you've gotta save Erwin. Hey Mikasa, time for a family reunion. Do you think Matt Mercer ever gets confused about which of his gruff, exhausted badass characters he's recording for? Hey Erwin you doing okay there? Yeah that doesn't sound ominous at all. Oh yeah I'm sure your nefarious rich guy plot is gonna go off without a hitch. FLCL- I love these girls. Get it, girl. I like the fat one. Gee i wonder why she won't date any of them. Just tell him you like him. Oh honey, you tried. Puppies! Hi there, food truck Haruko. Meeeeat. Too much hot sauce. The trick to not being jealous of your friends is to never have any friends cooler than you. Stop dumping in the spice! Don't be a grown up, being an adult sucks. Oh you asshole what have you done. Whelp, this is going to hell. You can never go wrong with It's Raining Men at karaoke. I like the fat girl's meat icon. Oh nooo. Surely this will go well. WHELP. Neko-lace. WHEEEEELP. Ah crap it's a Transformer. Oh shit did she just pull Optimus Prime out of her head? Nice license. I've got a GIANT penis! Should have let that pole crush him. She's a better driver than I am. Eco-friendly mecha. MICHAEL BAY. Forget him, don't date him. Let the fat one punch him. You go, girl. THANK YOU HARUKO. She's right, size does matter and that's why All Might is my boyfriend. PTE- Oh hey, new OP. This sure is a thing alright. Hashtag perfect. I'm sure no one's about to be murdered by ghosts. Sorry you're caught in The Shining now. Somebody's about to get axe-murdered. And here we go. Well, I've had worse weekends. I love the jetpack swing. Good job, Mayor Birds. They were in-TREE-rested alright. Oh right science, that makes sense. This is still the best cooking show. Wow look at these frames. Will we ever get to understand the French guy? Happy shark! Man, I'd watc hthe shit out of Girldrop. We get commentary this time. I want this man to narrate everything in my life. And then he handed me the vomit bag. At last, French subs! Jojo- Kick his ass, Josuke! You pretentious asshole. NO SHIT SHERLOCK. Good job you shot your brother. Do't insult your brother after you shot him in the face. Wow what a dick. Meanwhile Koichi is super dead now. You're a good boy, Josuke. Okuyasu doesn't understand kindness. Y'all are gonna be best friends. Oh man that is a lot of blood to come out of that tiny little body. OKUYASU BE QUIET. Oh man he is so friggin dead. Aww that's nice he's helping. Oh hey, Koichi's alive. Is...is his stand mice or something? Why does Shining Diamond have such a well-defined ass? Ha, it's toy soldiers. No not his pretty face he needs that! Call Jotaro to freeze time. Aw shit he's got helicopters too. Oh shit, Koichi can see them now. HE'S GETTING A STAND. Why does everyone in this show wear multiple belts? Koichi did you lay this egg? Oh shit it's hatching. SEARGENT BRO. Oh DAMN don't insult his hair. Koichi's plan is just to throw an egg at him. Okuyasu, go help your new best friend. Just don't touch his hair. Josuke's so cool. EAT SHIT, SEARGENT BRO. Hunter- I guess dragonfly guy is on their side now? I fear deeply for shritless Knuckle. Oh I hope these skydiving dudes are friends. Take out the dramatic butterfly first. Is that a fucking dragon?! Great job cat, I'm sure that won't come back to bite you in the ass. That's sure an assload of arrows. Oh hey it's the old man, finally. I think this is Killua's grandpa but I don't realy remember because last time I was too distracted by his sexy dad to pay attention. EAT SHIT, CAT. Damn dude was ripped back in the day. That training is Saitama-approved. Okay this is just an excessive amount of punching now. May we all look so good at 50. Man's got some Joestar genes going on here. So he's like 110, got it. Aw damn that's a good anchor plan. Oh fuck he's right there next to you y'all are gonna die. Please don't kill shirtless Knuckle or my kids. Clover- God I wish you were dead. Oh hey, it's the other people. Christ girl why are you so fucking awful. Mimosa have some fucking standards, you're actually decent. Shut the fuck up. Every week that sister fucker isn't violently murdered is a waste of my life. Mother of fuck just leave that poor nun alone. Wow what a surprise, dudes like girls who don't have the personality of a dumpster fire. HAVE SOME STANDARDS, BITCH. God I wish I was that drunk right now. This is excruciating. Wizard King continues to do jack shit during actual fights. If you're depending on Asta you're gonna be disappointed. Yami giving zero fucks is still by far the best thing about this show. The traitor is dimestore Griffith, you idiots. Asta's sparkle eyes make me want to die. MIND TAKER OOOWEEEOOO. Meanwhile at the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. I like that they just ripped off Zoro wholesale on him. Please insult them more. TOTALLY NOT EVIL. Okay that boneless ham insult actually made me laugh, it's a Christmas miracle. I wish I could sleep through this. It's dinestore Griffith because this series is absolutely not competent enough to pull off a red herring. Naruto- Dog squad! Who the shit are these guys? Hey look, it's the only kid in town I like and his two flunkies. Hi hot lady. Yeah sure keep thinking that. I can't stop staring at her tits. Why are there so many Blums in this show. Is this another episode that's just gonna be flashbacks to shit we've already seen? I mean, if the world ends technically there won't be any war. With your powers combined, you can summon Captain Planet. Why is anyone ever surprised that Sasuke is a piece of shit? Oh right, that dude's thing is puppets. Okay but when your friend's a piece of shit who tries to murder everyone, you should probably just cut your losses. Shut up you obnoxious brats.

I mean, there's a reason All Might's so popular...

Why would he give a shit? The dude made news while endorsing FUNi's product, and they commented on it. That seems like a completely different animal than Fleshlight Co. talking about a national tragedy.

Istanbul was Constantinople.

Man, they really could not have made him more my type if they'd actively tried. Fire DILF's not a teacher, though. He'd have no way of knowing what All Might's class schedule was. I already lost Avdol twice just let me have Joseph without a bunch of questions.

That moment at the end of Return of the Jedi where Luke looks over and sees all the Force ghosts but the updated edition went in and slapped Hayden Christensen over actual Anakin. Lucas can fucking blow me for that.

Does a series look interesting? Then watch it. Who gives a shit if it's anime or not?

Hero- I'm so proud of my green son. That picture of All Might being carried by normal people cracks me up. God I'm gay for Midnight. Hiiii Mt Lady. Bakugo you bastard. I enjoy that he's the only one who can make friends with Bakugo. Go away Mineta. Poor Deku. Awww yay thank you Ochaco. Goddammmit Iida I trusted you. I just noticed that Iida's the only one who wears shorts. Oh hey, Titan girl. I enjoy her. Oh sweet, she's got a jet pack. I hope you picked somebody good for your fourth person. This boy seems like a real douche. Aizawa, continuing to suffer. Oh cool, he picked Bird Friend. Icy Hot has a solid plan. HELLOOOOOO FIRE DILF. The plan is to use the Joestar secret technique. Use the jet pack! His shadow thing is so cool. Sorry invisible girl. Goddammit Mineta. Oh no the cool shoes. Aw crap here comes Bakugo. BIRD NO. Let's all point and laugh at Bakugo. Ohhh damn these kids had a plan all along. Bakugo's about to have a goddamn stroke. Hey Icy Hot, I'm gonna fuck your dad. Titan- Sad backstory, go. Sounds like being a whore was a great career move for her. Give that girl a hug. Oh, that's unfortunate. This just keeps getting more tragic. How much worse can this get? Jesus this is awful. Oh, is that Cowboy Kenny? This guy sucks at making up names. Oh right, Eren's here. I got a real bad feeling about your dad, sweetie. Hange happened to his face. Good job you dumbass. I enjoy her. FUCK THIS TABLE. Levi, continuing to give no shits. Well that's horrifying. Oh hey, it's that old dude. I sure hope y'all aren't being spied on or anything. Grandpa here is surprisingly chill with this whole mutiny business. That sure is a lot of blood. You're banking a lot on the hope that the dude you tortured the shit out of wasn't just lying to you. That's probably not a good thing. Eh, I'm sure he'll be fine. This is sure getting shittier by the minute. Maybe you guys should take off those scout uniforms if you're trying to hide. You're a good due, Erwin. Oh shit. I like that Levi is just super chill about this whole thing. FLCL- I don't remember anything that happened in April so this is basically all new to me. Kana's so cute. I relate to this fat one chugging Dr Pepper. Hi there, surprise Seitz? Good luck breaking your record on most losses. Shit I'm an adult and I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. I like this girl's plans to be a gold digger. We all want to be Sailor Moon. She works at Ramen Denny's. Fuck you lady I wanna go to space. Hey there Haruko. Haruko's checking out that forehead space. i feel like I missed out for never having a lesbian Jenga club in high school. LESBIAN ROCKET CLUB, GO. The most apathetic yaaay. Haruko's just gonna keep trying until she lands her space man. Diabetes doesn't wait for anyone. These girls are great and I love them. I like the one taking panty shots of her friend. I don't think you're going to space today. RIP rocket. Y'all should probably run. And now you're being attacked by the Rocky Horror intro. Thanks, Haruko. Quick, somebody get this lady a guitar. SO HARD. Dr Pepper solves all problems. Oh that's a big ol' bastard there. Yeah sure, Galactic Police, that makes sense. GUITAR TIME. That was awesome. Oh good they made another rocket. I love these kids. This is gonna be fun. PTE- Horse. Shit manga stench. Thank you, Slacker God. That sounds like a tasty and inexpensive recipe. Steak is serious business. I don't know anything about soccer but this seems like a normal game. Bear traps are usually a bad idea. This is the closest thing you get to fanservice, enjoy it. Random hillbilly accent. They're the best detectives. MURDER. Cue the ominous lightning. Pipimi is the best whorehouse owner. SLAP. Well that was an easy mystery. You're getting killed next. One truth prevails, probably. Jojo- Did you say Egypt? Fuck you, rock guy. Oh that can't be a good thing. Is...is that Polnareff? God that looks like it hurts. Dio, fucking shit up even from beyond the grave. Kill him, Josuke. OH SHIT HE SAID THE HAIR THING. Man, Josuke really does not fuck around. Worst of all, he got your hot as fuck Egyptian friend killed. Koichi's a good friend. Oh no something's up. OH NO KOICHI. Hi there, new douche. Hiiiii Josuke's hot mom. Awww, she still misses Joseph. Get a good look at him, milf. Aww Jotaro, that's sweet to comfort her. I miss Avdol. Meanwhile, Koichi's dying. OH FUCK THEY SHOT KOICHI. Heal him, Josuke. At least he gets a cool stand. PUNCH. Don't insult your brother, bro. Dude just wait like 20 seconds and he'll fight you. I hope that's not his jackoff hand. Aw crap I guess he can just erase shit with his power. Oh no stop you're giving me PTSD for Avdol. Aw crap that's actually a really good power. I kinda love this dumb bastard. Aw shit Koichi's still dying. WATCH THE ROAD, JOTARO. I kinda miss Enya, she was fun. Hunter- God this arc is creeping me out. Oh good, they haven't found Palm yet. Aw crap this wolf guy's gonna find Palm. You idiot why didn't you take your shoes! Uh kid I think you might have some Stockholm Syndrome. King just seems annoying as fuck to deal with. At this point he just deserves to get slaughtered. Oh my god you dramatic bitch. You're overthinking all of this, wolf dude. And then the intruder had a mental breakdown and ran away crying. Oh god don't involve that dramtic bastard. Yeah this sounds like a solid plan that won't go wrong at all. I'm so fucking uncomfortable with this guy. Good luck y'all, I hope you don't die. Knuckles so nice, I fear for his life. Karma Chameleon is getting withdrawls. Look at my cute kids sharing some juice. Oh jesus that's a fucking horrifying thought. I'd take those last three minutes to hug it out since everyone might die. HELLOOOOO SHIRTLESS KNUCKLE. Uh is that dragonfly guy supposed to be there with their team? Clover- Thank god, Jack the Ripper is here. This series has no goddamn idea when to end an arc. Shut the fuck up, girl. Lady you're hot and your personality isn't festering garbage, have some standards for fuck's sake. Yami continues to be the single bright spot in this dumpster fire of a show. Tell me more about your ass, Yami. My dude she's a lesbian. Sorry if you like a big buff dude, the lesbians will never respect you. Okay Yami shitting on all the captains is hands down the highlight of this entire goddamn series. Blah blah blah, uninteresting side characters fight each other, I don't care. I would hate this show so much less if he just gave an insulting running commentary on every terrible fight. Goddammit Asta you're ruining everything. Great job you obnoxios sack of crap, now you're going to get everyone killed. Shut up shut up shut up shut up. Yami, still failing to give a single fuck. I'm okay with damn near everyone here being destroyed. Fuck off, sister fucker. Oh hell no don't seal it, I want to watch someone die here. Yes, let's all thank Jack the Ripper. SHUT UP ASTA. I'd say she made a good choice on Yami but he's literally the only fuckable man in this entire show so there wasn't much competition. Naruto- Naruto you stupid bastard. I would absolutely prefer if Sakura was dead now. Sasuke is Sasuke, and unfortunately Sasuke is a total bag of dicks. Hi dog! Hey there, angry man! That blonde lady has an amazing rack. Please make that man stop rapping. Wow what a shock that shark dude wasn't dead, I'm so totally surprised. Hi, Flytrap Travis. Great job knocking your teammates out and leaving them on the side of the road like a trash bag, you dumbass. I'm too bored to care about any of this, show. STOP RAPPING GODDAMMIT. I still like how angry this girl is. Please god not a sentimental rap. Everyone take a minute to drag Naruto. They're the complete opposite but equally terrible. Fucking finally, a decent hokage. I like this guy's fancy hat. Oh jeus fucking christ please no. THANK YOU ANGRY MAN. I just wanna look at the Jotaro View some more:

You're all welcome.

Oh my god, what the fuck.

Hey, Icy Hot. I'm gonna fuck your dad.

I liked her as a character, but I agree that the Fin and Rose's Bizarre Adventure subplot could have been handled better.

I feel like this is the least-flattering picture of a human face that's ever been drawn.

How fucking dare you.

Have you SEEN Oscar Isaac's beautiful eyes?