mthor

Just stop. If you had any friends in school, they're too embarrassed to admit it, and their only interaction with you now is to toss a quarter in your general direction when they see you on the street.

Why are you bothering? She's not going to want to go on a date if she's going to have to take the subway or the bus. And she's not going to want to have to put newspapers all over the front seat of her car. (It's pretty much general knowledge that if you ever got that close to a real girl, you'd soil yourself.)

But sometimes you need all those vowels.

Don't despair. They said that about deep-fried Twinkies and Oreos and dill pickles, too.

If a cop showed up at your door, not only would your mom tell him where you were, she'd trip you when you tried to run. Then while you were languishing in a holding cell, she'd move, and leave no forwarding address.

No. This is not garden variety shit, it's wear your tinfoil hat cause the Illuminati are lying to all of us about everything, but especially about cigarette smoke type shit.

You've never seasoned a cast iron skillet in your life, have you?

Where does this come from? It's like the sky opens up, random shit falls down on your head, soaks in, oozes out of your fingers and onto the keyboard, and winds up here.

That's what happens when you dip your pen in company ink.

Ew - is that your skin, your blood , your penny, and /or your bedbug? ohno

I'm doing some preemptive gagging. I don't even like pumpkin pie, and I'm going to be surrounded by that shit for months.

I'd get the cable hooked back up just for that.

Yeah, I'm with you. gotta get the dishes put away, clean the cat boxes, get some ironing done, pack lunch, get to the dump and be at work at noon. And I'm still in my pajamas, wanting nothing to do with any of it.

You'd better hope she has a car.

That cop is going to be relieved when you don't show up, because he won't have to listen to you whine again, and you're still going to owe the fines. What a beta way to enter the criminal justice system.

Yay! This!

Congrats! And the only hard thing about CE's is remembering to do them . :catwink

Imagine what fun you'd have had if whatever container you're hiding your alcohol in had spilled.

Depends on how bad your hemorrhoids are; for some people constipation is the norm when they get their periods.

The day can only improve from here.

Better yet, let us know if you don't. Not that we're going to pony up your bail or anything, it's just that inquiring minds want to know.

I may be old enough to be your daddy, but I lack the necessary equipment. :catP

You're making me weep. David was Hebrew, you schmuck.

Don't you have more regard than that for your feet?