Mix

Tell me lies. About yourself, about me, about anything. Make them good.

I head-butted this woman today It was an accident...I should probably lead with that....I didn't mean to do it....she said what's up and came in for a hug while I was sitting and I went to stand but she was already bending over and, well, you can take it from there.... She said ouch and put her hand to her head and I panicked, as I do, and said....."I got the worst of it, your head's like a cinder block"

There are for sure guys at your local weight lifters gym that can do that....its not even close to world record status dudes

Can you even do that with a regular bar....don't they use a more heavy duty bar for that?

....you are a worthy adversary....I know not how you came upon my plans, but you can't stop the inevitable....

This isn't alchemy...there is no equivalent exchange....... It's the same thing I said after Cersei's death in GOT......people don't always get what they deserve....as a matter of fact, they usually don't....

I'm not kidding. This is not a joke. Just take the time to think about everything you've discussed with your dick. How has it improved your life? Even those things that seemed to have panned out at the time. You look back on them now, still feel the same? Your dick is like the guy in the friend group that's just an animal, but he's your buddy and you're loyal so, whatever he says or does, you always have his back...it's an unhealthy relationship

Just watched it, loved it.... What did you think it was going to be....the trailer had fan service written all over it

-The Olsen twins are actually one girl who the government had cloned. The show was just a test to see if people would notice. - Tupac's body is dead but his brain is still alive. It's in a jar at Dr. Dre's house. -Dinosaurs were aliens

I'd rather stay young and live on pizza

Are you asking me or telling me? anyways, I'd rather hear about that plane you're on I remember turning 21 like it was yesterday....my friend said that booze will never taste as sweet....boy was he wrong I thought my twenties would be insane...the stuff of my highschool dreams....I was free..........till I wasn't fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Yeah, Trump taking office affected people in strange ways....my dad's gardening

See! I used to be the one that posted nonsensical shit while high......i'm so jealous right now

The hits just keep on coming.... what next? Will I start drinking responsibly.......will I resist the urge to rap Lil Jon's 'Get Low' whenever I see an unattended microphone.... I don't like this at all

My sister joined an anime club in college....maybe look into that

great....now some douche bag with a sneaker obsession is going to over-do it following in your footsteps with post after post, pic after pic, of his new sneakers that, for fucks sake, he should stop buying because they are an unnecessary drain on my money and I don't even wear most of them and.....i'll go get my camera >.>

idk....I've never looked into anyone's eyes.........I lack the self esteem I look at their shoes when I speak to them.....both shoes, I don't dart back and forth

that's 'cause we say yes to life..............and, in my case, drugs

I once mooned the cops from the roof of a Wendy's