Houdini Splicer

I only truly quit when I reached the point where I was sick and tired of everything involved with smoking. The smell, the prices of the damned things going up, ashtrays, coughing, all of it. I had tried quitting many times before, saying I'll quit before I'm thirty. Nope. I'll quit before I turn thirty-one. Uh-uh. Crap like that. Where it finally clicked, was when I realised smoking was no longer fun, or enjoyable to me. It had become a damn chore. It wasn't the "cool" thing to do, like it was (or at least seemed to be) when I was younger, you know? It was no longer something I wanted to do; it was something I had to do, because I had become so dependent on nicotine to make it through the day. Hell, through one hour. I was a damn slave to that shit. Fuck that. I quit cold turkey right then and there. Was it easy? Hell, no, but I didn't give in to the cravings, no matter how bad they got. Twenty years of smoking was enough. It's going on six years now since I've had a cigarette. Cravings still hit me from time to time. The other day, a really strong craving hit out of nowhere. It was tough, but fuck you, nicotine. Kiss my ass. I like taking a deep breath without having a coughing fit. I like not smelling like a fucking chimney. TL;DR - I quit smoking. If I can do it, without a doubt you can. It boils down to how badly you want to quit, and what are you willing to go through to do it. But you can do it, dammit. *insert Shia LeBeouf gif here (or not, fuck that sumbitch)*

I guess that makes me a bad guy... ...and I'm okay with that.

Shoo, fly.

It was, and still is. And you, sir, are the suckiest there is, the suckiest there was, and the suckiest there ever will be, because of, well, every damn thing you do or say.

Hmm... I don't see my name. This list is invalid.

You wouldn't be conscious long enough to hear words, boy.

You're saying your best friend is a horse fucker? Wow. Just wow. So, I take it you know those "countryside hotties" all have four legs and eat stuff like oats, corn, and hay? And the only word they know is "neigh"? See? They tell him no, but Bagu doesn't listen. Damn livestock rapist, and the creepy little bastard. What a fucking pair.

You're sick, and there is no cure for your sickness. Well, there is... ::]::

Bagu's the guy who lives alone in the woods, correct? You take his letter to Error so you can cross the bridge. Well, you shouldn't brag about knowing Bagu. Bagu doesn't live in the woods by choice. Although he is a mighty warrior, the town elder banished Bagu because he couldn't keep his dick out of the livestock. Horses, chickens, it didn't matter to Bagu. If he wanted to give your horse a dicking-down, your horse was getting a dicking-down. If one of your chickens was found dead, Bagu had paid it a visit. The townspeople got tired of this, and wanted Bagu to be put to death. The elder couldn't bring himself to order Bagu's execution, for, you see, Bagu is his eldest son. So, instead, Bagu was banished to the woods for life. Error is Bagu's younger brother. The letter Bagu gives you to take to Error is simply to let Error know Bagu is doing fine, but he really, REALLY misses the horses and chickens. Oh, and now he gets turned on by Octoroks - "What that mouth do?" So. Yeah. For future reference, if I were you, I wouldn't go around bragging about knowing Bagu. But, then again, you are a creepy little bastard, so you probably already knew all this.

Hah. No. You get the Not Allowed within 500 Feet of Any School award. Congrats.

The first Disney movie I saw in the theater was 'The Fox and the Hound'. I loved that movie as a kid. Still do. I remember the school taking the third grade class (I think it was third grade) to the local theater to see 'Song of the South'. I don't remember why they took us to see it, but it was free, with free popcorn and soda.

If you want, you can be the official UEMB Creepy Bastard of the Century. All you have to do, is... catch the flying poodle!! Aww, man...

That last sentence, though? Not good. Not good at all.

And here is the reaction they'll give him every single time: I know someone else has posted this one before, but it works perfectly here.

I read all that. Why did I read all that? Other than that, sounds like a normal day at Titan Tower.

Nuh-uh. The Great Pretender. Damn, I'm old.

Slamming your face repeatedly in a car door is best. Either that, or giving yourself a face tattoo with a hot waffle iron. Hell, do both. Ladies love a man of mystery. In this case, the mystery would be "What the fuck's wrong with you?" Poontang for DAYS, my friend.

Console: Pac-Man for the Atari 2600 (1982) Arcade: Galaxian at some truck stop (1980 or '81) My parents used to be into video games way back in the day.

Happy birthday, dude.

Dood...

"Lol this isn't about me. I'm loveable and a supreme gentleman. <3" Pick one story and stick to it. It's all bullshit anyway, but still... Oh, and you're never gonna get laid.

It's always about you. Now, go snack on some urinal mints. They're free.

Go eat a handful of mothballs.

RIP, Erin.