Lynnrael

you'd think puberty would be easier the second time around, but aside from it actually being the right puberty for me it's still the same stupid emotional mess it was last time. i feel like I've never felt this alone in my entire life, but i know objectively that isn't true, it's just hormones and emotions running wild. it doesn't help that i don't have anyone near by to share any kind of physical affection with. i am the stereotypical touch starved trans girl. what's hardest, though, is that i can only think of one time in my life where i really felt connected with another person. but i also know I'm just getting started, and still learning who i am and who i want to be. transition is weird like that, but I'm hoping I'll get be near people i like and who like me, eventually

i like to celebrate with mead. it just feels like a special drink that's best enjoyed on special occasions. I'll probably get some for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year

I want a lawyer

I'm gonna need more drugs for that to work

my thinking is always a cacophony of thoughts, I'm not sure it changes between night and day. one continuous food of thought is much the same as the next. except when they get dark, but time doesn't factor into that either.

that's a pretty awesome score, are you gonna name it? i can't even remember the last time i was on that kind of boat, but i do remember they're a lot of fun

gonna be all gushy now, but i love my sister and I'm so proud of her. i have a little niece now, and my sister is truly amazing at taking care of her and making sure she's got everything she needs. i know how hard that is with all the things we went through growing up, and she really working to make sure her daughter has a better life than we did

lmao, well now I wanna see what it was

neither my body nor my mood can figure out if they want to feel good or awful today and keep swinging back and forth. I'd like both to stay good please. it's been more than 2 full days since I've had any thc though, so that may be a part of it. that should also mean that certain receptors (i think they called them cb1, but idk) have been "reset" so if i have am edible it should be more enjoyable. still want to wait though, might as well get some cleaning done first so i don't lose track or motivation hallway through.

i hate birthdays and gift giving holidays, and I'd rather give someone a gift just cause than be obligated to it and i hate getting gifts because i don't know how to emote the right emotion and always feel like I'm going to hurt someone's feelings

is that a Ghost in the Shell movie?

having one of those nights where dysphoria and stress are making me want to rip my skin off and pull my brain out of my head through my eye sockets. everything is infuriating and nothing is ok right now hopefully Benadryl, melatonin, and valerian will help. can't be... whatever the fuck this is if I'm not conscious

my sister got this picture of me at the festival lol, I'm growing boobs!

oh hey it's on page 69 now, nice was just thinking about WWWY and the set i cried the most at was definitely rise against. they did swing life away, and then right after they finished he pointed to the sunset and said "everyone look at that". i was already crying cause of the song, but that just took it to another level. it was a beautiful sunset

here's the trailer, but you can find the first episode on that channel as well. it's a bit darker than the old show, and I'm not sure how i feel about it yet.. but it was interesting and I think it has potential

lol no idea where the rest of that went. she was very neglectful and emotionally abusive in a lot of ways. it was hard to remain close to her at times. but i was still close in ways my sister didn't get to be. i feel both lucky and a bit guilty for that. i think she saw herself in me and that made her a little nicer to me.

i was certainly not a daddy's girl, i never really felt close to my dad growing up. i loved him but he was gone a lot (Navy) and we never really got the chance. when I was very little though I was very attached to my mom, but that faded between the ages of 8-10. she was very

well that was an absolute fucking blast. really shitty at parts, but I had so much fun. best of all, i got to go with my sister, who is amazing and made the whole thing lots of fun. Got to see Motion City Soundtrack(one of my faves, though Justin looked a little unwell), something corporate, new found glory(kinda sucked honestly), yellow card (very good), pierce the veil(excellent) rise against(another favorite, and also excellent), saves the day (good), simple plan (phenomenal showmanship, best show of the day i think, even if they weren't my favorite), the offspring (very good) and blink 182 (Travis and Mark brought their absolute A game, Tom sounded rough, great show regardless) i didn't see less than Jake because it conflicted with something my sis wanted to see, but that's ok. we also missed the Ataris, which would have been cool, but I can go see that with my friend. i forgot sunblock though. luckily i only got burnt on a small part of my arms, but i got really really burnt. back and leg pain was still a problem, but that's to be expected. and i almost threw up during blink 182 because i decide to eat some of the most delicious spicy popcorn I've ever had on an empty stomach. all in all it was amazing, I'm so glad i went