jackiemarie90

It is something they have to realize they are doing for themselves.

When I was moving from my old house to this new house, I did tell my friends that anyone who wanted to help me move we should call ourselves the "marxist mob" just to fuck with him. But we didn't. 🤣

I really don't know what to do at this point. I do feel like I do trigger him, cause I don't put up with his bullshit, I don't put up with anyone's bullshit and can be a very confrontational person. I really understand his anger but I don't take it out on people, and just wish he could see how he is destroying himself.

Honestly, I felt like I was being too nice the whole time. I really want to call him out of his shit, and tell him how pathetic he is acting. I have been telling him he is projecting his anger on his trauma on politics and that he is scared. I really think he is being a pussy but I digress, I think telling him this now will also set him off further, he clearly needs some time to himself, just hope he can out think himself out of this situation.

I know a lot of people talk about how the alt right turns these men into dangerous people. But seeing it happen before yours own eyes, is that saddest shit on earth. Like you know he does not have a lot of friends, you know he feels like shit around women, (he once told me he wanted a mail order bride), he is so fake with his gold chains and false bravado but to see him turn to youtubers like father figures and friends is just so damn sad. And his outbursts of anger are clearly about his trauma he refuses to face. It's just so damn sad.

I do agree with all of this now. Especially after talking with our mutual friend. He is creator of his own destiny, it's just sad to see a man deteriorate slowly.

He really is, a pathetic, sad little man. But it's like scoob said, I do see my own insecurities in him, and when I see the human side of a lot of people, I feel bad for him. But also, cause he hates me, I should stay away from him. Honestly, all of it is his lost, cause I can be a damn good friend in person.

Yeah, some of my friends in my last house are legit scared he is gonna try to kill me in my sleep or something. So I do lock my doors, and have pepper spray on my keys. But find myself still worrying about him. Idk, once school starts, I'll be able to focus on assignments. I am gonna start some of my history readings today even though class doesn't start till wednesday.

You're right, caring for him does make him hate me. Maybe I should just leave him alone to wallow

Thank you!

That's tomorrow's food

Yo that sounds like a shitty time, I'm sorry, make sure to be taking care of yourself!

As I live and breathe those are amazing!

Ok, so after getting tired of Camo guy's shit at the end of the spring, I told some friends how he sends me right wing news and how he is asshole and boom! He doesn't get invited to a party, and throws one of the biggest hissy fits in history about this. Honestly I was more worried about the friend that he lived with and how I messed up her opportunities. But we had a chat and fixed it. But this boiiiiiii... Honestly, there are zero feelings of romancce for him cause he is like the most scared, insecure man I have ever met in my life. So last week I finally got to move into the 25yr old and up housing, and guess who lives here too! Yup! And guess what folks, he hates my fucking guts!! We weren't talking all summer so I thought I we could have a chat about our living situation to which he blew up like the 5 year old he is screaming saying "YOU FUCKING BITCH, YOU RUINED MY LIFE!!" 🤣🤣🤣 Honestly, I thought I would be more upset by this, but seeing him screaming his head off like that just makes me think of pathetic he is. Like wow, prison really left you a child. I did tell him this. Honestly, I'm starting to feel really bad for the guy cause if he thinks missing one party ruined his life, he did not have much of a life to begin with. In fact, when I was talking to our mutual friend who was living with him, she told me quarantine made him worse. That I was actually one of his few friends on campus, and never goes out to talk to anyone. He also got really, really skinny and lost a lot of muscle mass. And the thing about his right wing views, it's becoming clear that he has a parasocial relationship with his favorite commentators. Like he listens to every word, cause deep down he views them as friends, and yet all this news does is push him further to be afraid of the world around him. He is always screaming that a marxist mob is going to come and beat him up for his dissenting opinions. Like full on paranoid hermit at this point. And honestly, weak men disgust me. Like it takes a lot for me to be attracted to someone, but I hate weak men, mostly out of the fact, that I have to deal with the same shit, if not more than these assholes, but I'm expected to get my shit together. I just hate men that act like babies or want to be babies. I also like helping my friends, and after all the dumb shit he is doing, like not taking responsibilities for the things he has said, I still feel bad for him. And I want to help him grow the fuck up. But can't because he hates me so much he does want to see me. But him being cooped up in that room isn't good for him. Plus he blocked me on instagram and social media which is low key hilarious. But like I said, still worried about his isolation. Idk, I got a huge class load this semester and a dying grandma, I shouldn't be giving him any energy and focus on my grades and family. But feel like I should check up on him in a month or something. 😐

Happy birthday!!

I just hate that I have to face abusers in order to see her. And that it's so expensive to commute from Berkeley to my hometown. I can't concentrate on my schoolwork.

I know care giving is stressing out my mother and older sister. But my mother at times will leave it to my sister and disappear for a few hours. My family has been giving her sweets a lot lately, saying she might as well enjoy herself since she has months to live. I guess she wanted that, I don't think she wanted to have a stroke, what breaks my heart is that is she is still embarrassed of her condition. She doesn't want to go outside because she is afraid of how people will judge her.

I'm seriously debating if I should take the semester off. I know if I can handle people's bullshit along with this.

She is in her late 60s, she is suffering from diabetes. My family has a very unhealthy relationship food, they give into all their vices, gleefully eating sugar knowing it has killed their relatives and will work against their body. So I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when my grandmother had to get her leg removed due to diabetes. I didn't expect what would happen next though. CW: I haven't been in contact with my family for around 3 years, after I've had it with their abuse, especially from my mother and little sister. But I've been checking in on how they've been doing. And when I found out that my grandmother had a surgery that doctors wanted to pull the plug, I had to see her. After her leg was removed, she was staying in an unknown rehab center that "looked pretty" on the outside my family said. They had apparently left my grandmother in dirty conditions, and barely cared for her. She developed a bed sore as large as a hand. She also grew a fear of the male caretakers there. They said she was be panicking around them. There was even a recorded incident where a man was supposed to help her stretch with straps. And when she got tangled, the man yelled at her and told her to "FIGURE IT OUT!" Her experience was stressful that it caused her to have a stroke, and when that happened, the rehab facility kept trying to convince my family to pull the plug on her. She is home now, and that's when I saw her. My house still looks like an episode of hoarders, but at least she has my older sister taking care of her. The nurses told my sister that she only has 3 to 6 months left. Not only am I distraught, I have a lot of rage about how they treated my grandmother. I can't even concentrate on school work, I want to sue the people who did this to her. My friends who were nice to me in the co-ops are not being understanding now. I feel like I have no one to go about this, no one who cares, people always expect me to be this cheerful happy person, that when they saw me have a "pretend fit" where I pretended to break my laptop, they said I reminded them of an abuser. Honestly really sick how people of color automatically get judged when they get angry. Like we can't be anything else, I have to put my sorrows aside for their comfort. I feel even more alienated than before. Honestly feel like no one will ever get me. I let people walk over ALL THE FUCKING TIME but I can not even be mad at my laptop? Like seriously!?! My grandmother was one of the few people who was nice to me growing up. My mother would constantly tell me to "make myself look pretty" and that I was a disappointment because I was more interested in nerd things than girly things. And later just beat me when she was angry at life and wanted someone to blame for her problems. While my grandmother believed in physical punishment, at least her logic made sense. She didn't hurt because she was mad at her life. And she always made me feel better after my mother would insult me, saying that we were both tomboys who didn't always fit the societal role of what a woman should be. My grandmother no longer remembers my name, but she knows who I am. She would say, "I remember you, you always liked to play video games, and you always be who you are." She said she always loved me no matter what. I never got a chance to tell my grandmother that I got into Berkeley. She can't understand it as a concept now, she is really one of the few people I would want to be proud of that achievement. She can barely speak, her speech is slurred and she mixes up words, I can barely understand her when she speaks now. I don't know how I'm supposed to act with this going on, but I don't give a shit for people's comfort when they don't care about mine.

I got's a tattoo! No I didn't go to a shop, another cool student in my house was giving people tattoos. So of course I choose a Bioshock quote. XD I

Tell me when you are in the area. XD

😮 Which summer con? I know I always go to fanime, but might make the effort to go to anime expo when the quarantine is over, and maybe EDC

Happy birthday!!

Not me. I miss nerd conventions......