Real_AirCooledGirl

We had been together for four months. The night of our first date, Charlotte told me she had a crush on me from the moment we first met. Another night out, we were making out on the beach and she said she wanted us to last. But for her to break up with me, it makes me feel like I was lied to.

Late last month, "Charlotte" dumped me. We had been together for four months. I had told her I loved her and she has trouble saying that phrase back. Says she has baggage over the death of her wife. Off and on, I've been crying a lot because of it. Last time I saw her was at a meeting with our trans group. She came up with the idea of discussing dating within the LGBTQ+ community at that meeting. When the conversation came to me, I passed. I would have broken down crying if I'd said anything. At the same time, I wish I had said anything, even if to call Charlotte out without using her name. She's had ten years to grieve, mourn, and move on from the loss of her wife; why would she have any problems committing now? Why would she still be afraid of losing another lover the way she lost her? Meanwhile, I'm afraid I'll never find another girl like her. Afraid to be single forever. I'd rather be with her than be single. And if not her, then who? Was I just a summer fling to her? I had seen Charlotte as a potential long-term lover, a potential wife, even. And then she goes and casts me aside like moldy pizza. Charlotte isn't without her flaws, though. She's chronically late to everything. All our date nights were late at night and I often had to wait upward of two hours for her to arrive (She lives across the state line in Maryland and it does NOT take two hours to make a one-hour drive either way). I was always the punctual one in the relationship. I don't know if it's her upbringing, something to do with having ADD, something else, or what. I had noticed she'd become less affectionate with me sometime in September. It coincided with her starting a new job. It felt like she was trying to push me away. This is the first relationship I've ever been in as myself. I'm scared to be single forever. I don't want to end up as that woman with only a parrot and no wife to call my own. I'm 36 and not getting any younger.

So you think I should put up with verbal abuse and stupidity from entitled Karens and Kens? Recently, my store bought out a small local pharmacy. All their customers' stuff has been transferred over to us. Since then, our pharmacy has been over a thousand scripts behind because of it. So many of these Karens, Kens, et hoc genus omne have bitched at the pharmacists and techs for not having their scripts ready when they expect them to be. Goddamn it, we're not God. We're doing the best we can with the people we have under the goddamn circumstances available to us! If customers don't understand that, that's on them, not us. Blame corporate, not us, for buying out that small pharmacy. We rank-and-file people just work here. Then there's the Boomers who still write checks. WHY? Why in the name of FUCK do people still write paper checks in 2022? USE A FUCKING DEBIT OR CREDIT CARD LIKE A MODERN PERSON, YA FUCKING LUDDITES!

You haven't had Hamburger Helper til you've had it the way my girlfriend makes it. "Charlotte" puts almond milk in it in place of dairy milk. She also throws in paprika, Mrs. Dash, and baby spinach. I've had her Hamburger Helper a few times before and it's divine. So much so that I've since made mine the same way.

I did back when we had the Rants folder. And now it's gone so I can't bump it.

At my job, I get all kinds of customers. For every good one, though, we get plenty of Karens and stupid idiots. If there's three things I've learned from that job, it's these: 1. The customer is NOT always right! What? You insist that something's on sale but you got the wrong size of that item, the tag expired, etc.? Sorry, not sorry, but you're wrong. Why should we bend over backwards just to appease these entitled Karens, Kens, and everyone in between and beyond? By clinging to this "The customer is always right" mentality, you're giving them all the power. These people were probably never told "No" in their lives, and it shows. 2. Customers are inconsiderate of our time. They'll line up at the registers when we're about to clock out. They'll try to ask us for help when we're on breaks or otherwise off the clock. We're not allowed to help customers during our breaks, before clocking in, or after clocking out. Corporate is VERY clear about not working off the clock. Such is the law of our company. 3. Over half of retail customers are idiots, and half of those customers are dumber than that. Some will try to use a membership card from a completely different store at ours, as if they think it's the same company. Others can't read tags, coupons, and flyers for some reason. They'll insist that something's on sale even when the tag is clearly expired or they bought an item excluded from that sale. They'll kibbitz at us cashiers about something being BOGO before we've had a chance to scan everything and either scan their membership card or have them type their phone number in. They'll ask an employee if they work there WHEN THAT EMPLOYEE IS CLEARLY IN UNIFORM AND ON THE CLOCK, which is the dumbest thing they can ask someone. If these people can't read coupons, tags, or flyers (PROTIP: READ THE FINE PRINT! There are restrictions on EVERYTHING!); tell who's an employee; or shut up and let us scan their stuff before we find out whether it's on sale or not; that's on them, not us. I don't set the sale prices or decide what items are on sale. I don't make the decisions regarding our uniforms. I just work there. They'll even ask us when our pharmacy opens WHEN THE HOURS ARE CLEARLY POSTED OUT FRONT! How the hell are they unable to read the sign with our hours posted on it? HOW? One day, I got a Ken who tried to blame ME for not having enough money in the drawer to give him cash back. I told him five times that we're only allowed to have so much money in each register at the beginning of the day (We hadn't even been open for an hour yet that day). I also told him that if we don't have the money in the drawer, we can't give it to him; and that we have an ATM in the front of the store. This isn't my fault! It's a cash register, not the U.S. Mint! But that Ken was having none of it. He gave me attitude for things that aren't even my fault. If I ever get him again and he does that shit, his ass is out the door with no items at all. Later in that first hour, I got another Ken who bitched at me because three jugs of laundry detergent he wanted to buy weren't ringing up as buy one, get two free. Never mind that he bought the wrong size jugs! I wanted to void the sale altogether, shove his shit off the counter, and kick him out of the store for that! I would totally do that. Company policy says we're allowed to refuse service to anyone who gives us attitude. A good while before that, I had a Karen who bitched at me because I wouldn't give her the sale prices on her stuff but she didn't want to enroll in our membership program. And there was another one who raised holy hell because the coupons she got in the mail were no good yet. Then there's the people who buy low-ticket items and pay with ridiculously disproportionate bills (i.e., anything bigger than a $20). WHY? This is not the International Bank of Big-Box Drugstore! If you have to break a C-note so much, go to a bank and do it! It leads to embarrassing situations when we don't have enough change to cover a $50 or $100. What is it about retail that attracts these people and why? Don't anyone give me the "Your job is to serve customers" bit. It's easy to say that when you don't work with the public. With that said, I think everybody should have to work retail/foodservice at least once in their lives. Maybe then, we won't have so many Karens, Kens, etc.

I know I'm late but thanks for all the birthday wishes!

That I did. Charlotte and I are so happy and in love! After the holiday weekend is over, we're going to go out sometime. Probably going to her house for my days off. Maybe hit Ocean City, MD, and catch a fireworks show with her. It'll be so awesome, the two of us kissing under the fireworks. I've also got two new stepsons in the package deal. Dilbert is so happy I'm with his mom. I'm sure Wenceslas is, too.

Some days in my area of Delaware, it's been upwards of 34 degrees and roasting. The fact that the blower motor in my A/C is shot and the whole indoor unit needs to be replaced (the outdoor unit is fine) doesn't help. Worse yet, there's no screens on the windows of my house because the previous owner got it in his head to remove them and replace them with storm windows.

Thanks! Pride was great. Charlotte and I cuddled together riding the bus both ways. The bus dropped us off at Union Square and we stuck near there watching the parade. We also bought some Pride stuff from vendors. She got a pansexual flag button and some other stuff, including a dessert we shared. I got trans and lesbian flag buttons and a bracelet. For lunch, we ate at Little Italy Pizza; best pizza I've ever had. The stuff we have in DE doesn't compare. That's a hill I'm willing to die on. I would definitely go there again, Pride or otherwise. After we got back to DE, Charlotte and I went on a post-Pride date. We hit a gay bar and one other bar and had drinks. This one guy she briefly dated came up and tried to back the mack on her until he saw us holding hands at our table. That's when I turned on my bitch face and told him he had a better chance of throwing a baseball with enough force to reach escape velocity and land in a precise spot on the heart of Pluto. After we left the second bar, we sat on a bench on the boardwalk and made out like a pair of teenagers. Charlotte got on top of me, put her tongue down my throat, then asked if I'd be her girlfriend. I said yes! So as of 26-VI-2022, we're now officially an item! I'm so happy with her I could burst!

A new update: This past Sunday, Charlotte and I went on our third date. We sang karaoke at a gay joint, went on the beach together, did as much stargazing as the light pollution in town would allow. Things got physical between us, but short of outright snu-snu. It's getting pretty serious between us now. Meanwhile, she and I are going to NYC Pride tomorrow. She got a bus ticket within the past week. We've decided to wear dresses together for the occasion.

I did that once as a teenager. It was interesting to see the digestive system in action.

A new development: I shot my shot with Charlotte a couple weeks ago. It was after an event at a local LGBTQ+ center. We went to a gay joint for dinner and drinks that night. After Charlotte and I paid our bills, we left the restaurant together, got some ice cream, then sat on a bench on the boardwalk (it's a beach town) and talked for what must have been 2½ hours. She knew the whole time that I had a crush on her. I then told her everything: My spotty dating history, fear of rejection, shyness, you name it. It was 1:30 in the morning when we got ready to head back home. But before we left, she asked me out on a date. My response? "God yes!" Fast-forward to last Wednesday, 1-VI. Charlotte and I went out on a date. We hit another gay bar for drinks and tacos. Then we hung out in and around town, talking about stuff. I didn't get home til the wee hours of the morning. Not long before I got out of her car to go to bed (it was after 4:30 in the morning), we made out. Nothing further than that happened, just playing the ol' tonsil hockey. Charlotte told me she had a crush on me this whole time as well. We kissed each other until after 5 in the morning. When I went to bed that night, I did so with a smile on my face. We're now figuring out a second date; I've texted her my work schedule so we both know when to go out again. Right now, we're taking things slow before making anything official. But damn, I hope things go great guns between us. At our most recent group meeting, we all got wind of a queer prom that another trans group in D.C. is throwing this September. I've asked Charlotte to it. Her face lit up. When she asked if I was really asking her out, I said, "As Ash said to Pikachu, 'I choose you.'" We plan on going and trying on dresses to find our style. She wants a dress that goes all the way down to the floor. I myself lean toward anything with a thigh slit. Can't wait for our second date. We'll see where things go between us from there.

In high school, I performed masculinity to hide every scrap of my true self. But I couldn't fight the need to rid myself of body and facial hair. I couldn't fight the need to dress at home when nobody was around. I also played a lot of Age of Empires and Unreal back then. In Unreal, I would play as female characters. If anyone asked why I was playing as a girl, I had this excuse prepared: "It defaulted to female and I didn't care."

Been on a Beast in Black kick as of late.

BELLDANDY BELLDANDY BELLDANDY

A new development: Charlotte and I have hung out again recently. It was after a post-meeting dinner nearly two weeks ago. She joined us after that trans group meeting. She's healed from her vocal surgery and sounds like herself. We were at this gay restaurant and bar for dinner. It was dance floor night so I was out on the dance floor with some other people. Tried to get Charlotte out dancing with us, but she sat and talked to some of our friend group. Afterwards, she and I hung out in her car and talked about stuff. I didn't get home until around 1:30 and went to bed at 2:30 in the morning that night. But I did take a step toward shooting my shot with Charlotte. I told her that I would date her in a heartbeat. She laughed, then I said: "No, seriously, I would date you. In a yoctosecond." Charlotte said she was crazy; I told her I don't mind a crazy girl like her. We've seen each other a few more times since then. Most recent was last Friday; we went to that same bar for a drag show. Being a drag show, it was too loud for us to hear each other talking. So after the show, I then asked if she was doing anything this coming Saturday because I'm off from work that day. She's free that day. So we may end up hanging out again. I could ramp things up another notch or two and see where it goes from there.

Believe you me, Charlotte has made me forget all about my hormone doctor. It's not like I see the good doctor often enough to establish that kind of connection with her. Charlotte is another story. And we both at least have the shared experiences and common interests going for us. We have a meeting coming up next week; hopefully she'll be there. Think I'll get to know Charlotte some more and see where things go from there. When we shared war stories about our respective transition experiences, there were some laughs shared between us. There was some shocking stuff, at least to her. I never had to deal with chasers so far and she was surprised by that when I told her. Charlotte, on the other hand, has had to put up with chasers. She tells me I eventually will have to do the same. I love Charlotte to death, knowing how much we have in common and our instant rapport. I'd like to believe that she and I would have kicked some ass if we met in high school, even though we'd have to be a little closer in age for that to be possible. And maybe in some parallel universe, that's the case. Perhaps we'd have both transitioned earlier in life, at or around the same time as each other (i.e., one of us could have given the other the courage to come out and live authentically). If all that had been the case, I think maybe she and I would have even dated each other.

1. So far, just hanging out. But I'd like for Charlotte and I to start dating at some point. She doesn't seem to be seeing anyone at the moment. 2. I've always thought of things strategically. But you're right about being myself. This is the first time I've actually been able to be myself. No longer do I have to be Bruce Wayne by day and Batgirl by night. 3. I was never a single parent myself but I do have a half-sister who's fifteen years younger than me. In the case of Charlotte's kids, they're pretty independent and they're both good kids. If things progress far enough with her, I'm sure I could handle being a cool stepmom. 4. There is no four. 5. With Charlotte, there's a rapport with her that I've never gotten from most other girls I've dated. Our lives have been quite different but there's also a lot of similarities. She transitioned five years ago; I'll crack the two-year mark this August. We both knew we were misidentified girls at the same point in our lives (around 6-7 years old). We're both gamer girls. We both love to cook. We both have pretty worldly tastes in food as opposed to, say, boring old mashed potatoes. As for video games, she was shocked to learn I never had an NES growing up. I was a Sega kid first and foremost and didn't own any Nintendo hardware until the launch of the N64. There's some other stuff but I don't have time to get into it right now because I have to go to work. I'll elaborate later on at my earliest convenience.

I've met an amazing woman who has made me forget all about my hormone doctor. "Charlotte" and I met at a Trans Day of Remembrance vigil last November. We've also attended other meetings with our local network of trans support groups together since then. She and I have also hung out as well. This one night that we were out together, I'll never forget it. Charlotte and I talked about our common interests and experiences and really clicked. Right now, we're friends. But I plan to shoot my shot with her at some point. We get along great and like at least some of the same stuff. She's a single mom with two sons, and those sons both like me. I met "Dilbert" and "Wenceslas" when I met her. And knowing that Charlotte is bi, I have at least some chance with her. One thing nags at me, though. Charlotte had a wife who passed away ten years ago from, IIRC, ovarian cancer. That on its own is no skin off my back at all. Bear in mind that I've never dated a widow before, nor a single mom, nor a widowed single mom. It's just new territory to me. But here's the part that nags at me: She has a tattoo commemorating that wife with the phrase "Forever My Lady" at the bottom of it. While understandable, it begs the question: How am I supposed to compete with the memory of a deceased spouse? I really like Charlotte; I just don't want to feel like I have to compete with those memories. Yes, I get that widowed people get themselves back out there, date, and remarry all the time. I just don't know how to navigate this. There have been nights where I've cried thinking about how much I want to be with Charlotte and not knowing if I'd have to compete with those memories. At the same time, I don't want to spend my whole life wondering what could have been, and I've always been shy about asking girls out. I've often felt I'd rather be the one getting asked out. Considering this is a potential sapphic relationship we're talking about, this means different dynamics than a cis-het relationship. Different courtship rituals, different communication styles, different communication styles. And in this case, we're both femme girls. I've always gone for other femme girls. Not to say I wouldn't give a tomboy or cute butch the time of day, but I've always been attracted to femininity. Has anyone else here been in a similar predicament?