enad

Remember kids, people who make money off of selling weapons are bad. Oh. http://fortune.com/2017/10/07/marvel-comics-cancels-northrop-grumman-avengers-crossover/

It's meh.

Halfway through I started wondering if Johnson actually watched VII and understood the questions that were set up and required resolution, not as a function of fan service but just good narrative bookkeeping. I kept suspecting that some one just handed him a bunch of action figures and said "here, play with these."

I honestly think that was for the sake of Disney franchise maintenance at this point. They want all the old characters dead so they don't have any dorks screeching at them about canon. But it's safe to say at this point that JJ Star Wars is the same thing that JJ Star Trek was; a franchise that seeks to purposely push away its old fan base because it doesn't want to be associated with gross nerds for marketing purposes.

So, a few things wrong with this movie: 1.) Suicide hyperdrive crash. Could have happened in the first 5 minutes and all the Rebels would still be alive. Pointless tension for tension's sake to deploy the tactic when they did. 2.) Supreme Pizza Snookie reduced to a plot device for Ben Solo and nothing more. We learn nothing about him, where he came from, how he met Ben, why he's so atuned to the Dark Side, absolutely nothing. They killed him just so Ben could appear more "conflicted" but then not change anyway. 3.) The New Republic is gone by the time the movie starts? How? The First Order was the size of the Charlottesville protesters in VII. You expect us to just take that on face value and eat all that missing story? 4.) Casino subplot. Completely worthless side story that only exists to give Rose and Finn more interaction to make it more believable when she confesses her love for him, which wasn't believable anyway. 5.) Luke's Force projection dice that he gave to Leia just disappearing. That actually is a hysterical dick move in retrospect, but also completely stupid and ruins the tone. 6.) While we're on the subject of tone, the entire tone of the movie was off at parts. It reminded me of a lot of the weird slapstick jolts from the prequels, where a scene would be very dark and contemplative and then we'd hard cut to some sort of computer generated cartoon farting or something. 7.) What is the "fuel"? Why would they be running out of it? And if it's in such precious short supply, why is there enough to send half the cast on a speculative road trip to Space Vegas? There are other complaints, but these are the ones that stick out after a night's sleep. I actually liked Rey's parents being bums to traded her for some Admiral Nelson's and Luke being a failed Baby Boomer parent Trump voter who won't take responsibility for how he fucked everything. Everything else in the movie was the wrong decision.

Every time they said "Resistance" I cringed. Twitter moms have ruined that word. I kept waiting for Dark Sith Russian Lord Bernie to appear and use the Force to make black people kneel for the national anthem.

Legit, that would have been so much better. At least I would have laughed at that. They tried to make me laugh in this one, and it was horrible.

What a disappointment. More later, but when Ben talked about how everything, the Jedi, the First Order, Luke, Supreme Pizza Snookie...all of it should die, I nearly got up to cheer. The only thing he didn't mention but should have was the Star Wars franchise itself.

I don't know why I didn't put it together before. Icarus is Peter Daou.

Did you meet over Tinder?

Go hit on a woman at your local dive. Bring her home and tear her in half like a voided check.

You weren't saying anything worth reading anyway.

In the spirit of the film, this thread is a remake.

I feel like this is the nostalgia orgasm-seizure that late-stage capitalism has been pushing towards all this time. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the stars just go dark after it premieres because there's nothing left to do.

This isn't a Tinder date. Just TNG N' Chill.

I felt he'd be more comfortable with witnesses.

When did I shit on Ghostrek? I do nothing but give him good life advice. It's his decision to ignore it. He has agency.

Just admit you're defending him because he's a white guy with a giant dick.

So we're gonna do this?

We have a lot of Star Trek to talk about.

What restaurants do you have?

We should hang.

She's not going to believe you want to just be friends, ghostrek. She'll respect you more if you tell her you want to cheese grate her fart box at the start of the foot race.

Spooky