André Toulon Posted May 25 Share Posted May 25 (edited) 27 minutes ago, -Kudasai- said: I guess I should answer the question instead of being on bullshit... Fellas you're not real man until you can beat Contra without using the Konami code I've done this but the pic I uploaded was the wrong one...I'll be back with the right one Edited May 25 by André Toulon 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghostrek Posted May 25 Share Posted May 25 (edited) 2 hours ago, scoobdog said: That would suggest you might rely too much on others to give you purpose. Your humanity can’t be taken away from you, but you can give it up. The OP that instigated this thread is the female author’s exploration into the appeal of masculinity gurus and right wing influencers. To sum it up, she’s positing that modern males lack a support network that these gurus provide, to the detriment of everyone. Some men need to be told how to interact with others… @scoobdog @Vamped I was saying yes my humanity is stolen from me in the sense. As someone who is a history buff knowledgeable about world affairs at least better than most people, I know in real life Due to my neurodiversity automatically thinks I'm a fucking idiot yeah there are a lot of men and women without purpose in life That was my point I see with same issue of a lot of women and men And yes I understand her is a lot of men who are being pushed to frankly far-right opinions with not out and out fascist May I deal with a lot of people at my job that I can describe politically as fascist not the original fascist party of Italy but very much a fascist ideology that mixed with a lot of weird Sovereign citizens stuff which okay it sounds crazy but I hear it sorry for get off topic Edited May 25 by ghostrek Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted May 25 Share Posted May 25 🤷🏿♂️ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghostrek Posted May 25 Share Posted May 25 1 hour ago, 1pooh4u said: We aren’t far enough away from the days when women needed their husband’s permission for getting credit cards. There aren’t enough examples of functional families where responsibilities are equally shared. A lot of families have women being the breadwinner but they are still expected to take on the majority of childcare and rearing. Many men are lost in a world where marriage is no longer an excuse to find another mother but with benefits. Especially when they can just look at their grandparents and see or hear some romanticized version of what life was like just 50 years ago. Actually I agree with that one We do one romanticize the past But in fact the past was just screwed up as today But yeah a lot of men do want not a partner and a true equal in a relationship but a babysitter or Mommy figure that they can have sex with sounds like a variant of the Oedipus Complex to me I think most of these men think they're on weaker footing than anyone else in society Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted May 25 Share Posted May 25 (edited) Ok no that was the right pic....I was wondering why I had 22 lives, I just realized arcade on switch has a setting where you get an extra at every 100k. I knew I didn't cheat but that pic me made me think I did and that was an old one, but nope...that's it. I had 17 killing the boss gave me 5 lives lol. I seriously didn't know I was collecting lives like that Edited May 25 by André Toulon 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discolé monade Posted May 25 Share Posted May 25 1 hour ago, ghostrek said: @scoobdog @Vamped I was saying yes my humanity is stolen from me in the sense. As someone who is a history buff knowledgeable about world affairs at least better than most people, I know in real life Due to my neurodiversity automatically thinks I'm a fucking idiot yeah there are a lot of men and women without purpose in life That was my point I see with same issue of a lot of women and men And yes I understand her is a lot of men who are being pushed to frankly far-right opinions with not out and out fascist May I deal with a lot of people at my job that I can describe politically as fascist not the original fascist party of Italy but very much a fascist ideology that mixed with a lot of weird Sovereign citizens stuff which okay it sounds crazy but I hear it sorry for get off topic who are YOU to say a person is with or without purpose? you keep trying play this victim, while simoutaneously not have a clue about world affairs, or how people see you. while throwing shade to (insert topic/person/country/et al) it's condenscending. stop fucking projecting your shite onto humanity. you have a thing. it's a weird thing. we all have a thing. it's a weird thing. being masculine may have everything to do with deal with your own shite, while NOT shoving it down other's throats. 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghostrek Posted May 25 Share Posted May 25 (edited) 4 minutes ago, discolé monade said: who are YOU to say a person is with or without purpose? you keep trying play this victim, while simoutaneously not have a clue about world affairs, or how people see you. while throwing shade to (insert topic/person/country/et al) it's condenscending. stop fucking projecting your shite onto humanity. you have a thing. it's a weird thing. we all have a thing. it's a weird thing. being masculine may have everything to do with deal with your own shite, while NOT shoving it down other's throats. I do agree with you there I am projecting my shit on greater Humanity Edited May 25 by ghostrek 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dusty Shackleford Posted May 25 Share Posted May 25 35 minutes ago, discolé monade said: who are YOU to say a person is with or without purpose? you keep trying play this victim, while simoutaneously not have a clue about world affairs, or how people see you. while throwing shade to (insert topic/person/country/et al) it's condenscending. stop fucking projecting your shite onto humanity. you have a thing. it's a weird thing. we all have a thing. it's a weird thing. being masculine may have everything to do with deal with your own shite, while NOT shoving it down other's throats. 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoobdog Posted May 25 Author Share Posted May 25 Ghosty is locked in a feed back loop, it seems. 5 hours ago, 1pooh4u said: We aren’t far enough away from the days when women needed their husband’s permission for getting credit cards. There aren’t enough examples of functional families where responsibilities are equally shared. A lot of families have women being the breadwinner but they are still expected to take on the majority of childcare and rearing. Many men are lost in a world where marriage is no longer an excuse to find another mother but with benefits. Especially when they can just look at their grandparents and see or hear some romanticized version of what life was like just 50 years ago. Exactly. The worst thing about the patriarchy after all the women it oppresses is all the man children it enables. The dark side to any discussion about masculinity is the realization that the term as we previously knew it was a cover for male failures, and that complicates things. Masculinity isn’t being redefined as much as obliterated and replaced. We’re not just defining males as they should be in a post feminist world, but males as they should have been all along. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoobdog Posted May 26 Author Share Posted May 26 5 hours ago, ghostrek said: @scoobdog @Vamped I was saying yes my humanity is stolen from me in the sense. As someone who is a history buff knowledgeable about world affairs at least better than most people, I know in real life Due to my neurodiversity automatically thinks I'm a fucking idiot yeah there are a lot of men and women without purpose in life That was my point I see with same issue of a lot of women and men And yes I understand her is a lot of men who are being pushed to frankly far-right opinions with not out and out fascist May I deal with a lot of people at my job that I can describe politically as fascist not the original fascist party of Italy but very much a fascist ideology that mixed with a lot of weird Sovereign citizens stuff which okay it sounds crazy but I hear it sorry for get off topic Disco already kind of laid it out for you. You aren’t defined by other people, so it doesn’t matter if someone thinks you’re an idiot. In fact, Ghosty, you can be a man without anyone else acknowledging. Do you wash your own laundry? Do you shower? Can you cook your own meals? Self sufficiency is almost universally a sign of masculinity… and femininity. But, can you also listen to others? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghostrek Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 1 hour ago, scoobdog said: Disco already kind of laid it out for you. You aren’t defined by other people, so it doesn’t matter if someone thinks you’re an idiot. In fact, Ghosty, you can be a man without anyone else acknowledging. Do you wash your own laundry? Do you shower? Can you cook your own meals? Self sufficiency is almost universally a sign of masculinity… and femininity. But, can you also listen to others? yes for almost every one of those but last one is hard at times Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamped Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 7 hours ago, André Toulon said: 🧌Interesting😏. Well, I guess it's ok for me to ignore the broad strokes now, touching only on the extreme ends of this whole thing...the men who want to ridicule equality into a spiteful game of "how do you like it" and the women who hold fast to the notion they ain't gotta do nothing but fuck. Let's cut into the center....sweep those incels and the golddiggers to the side...let's bite into the independent women and the apathetic and emotionally unavailable men. You have a woman with a career, a home and makes her own way financially, only for some dick toting charlatan to come in and promise the world, but his world is sports, bad hygiene, and community tallywacker. Well, I think it's evident that he's not a man, nor is he masculine. Can he reshingle the roof, snake a toilet, build a she shed.... likely, no. He's the worst of the worst and yet is also the most popular. It seems this guy somehow infects the lives of all women at some point. But one would ask.....HOW? Is it because he's the most attractive option, or is it because men of a higher caliber aren't looking to attach themselves to a headache that lacks any sort of accountability when it comes to choosing the right partner. A single man with a career, assets, and potential isn't looking for a woman that is going to use her career and assets as leverage. Only lazy chuds that needs a new mommy are willing to perpetually hear the old "I can do bad by myself" chant. But before I start fapping too hard here, I'll ask instead of just making anecdotal claims. For a man, to be a man....how many of these must he be able to check off. Able to fix, build and repair things Able to provide Able to protect (not calling the police... legitimately able to fight off an attacker that means his partner harm) Able to be emotionally available at all times Willing to listen and solve the problems of their partner Exhibit exemplary hygiene and organizational skills. Able to plan and lead the partner or family into prosperity. How many of these check marks can he miss and still be considered a man. Everything on the list are things an adult should be able to do. You don't have to fix/build/repair things yourself but you should know how to find resources to get things fixed/built/repaired Anybody being emotionally available all the time is unrealistic So aside from those things ... being an independent adult is the minimum 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamped Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Also .... what is this tagging stuff?? Is it not cool to just quote and reply or what? 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilosipherStoned Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 This? https://fb.watch/silVqpn6g6/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discolé monade Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 21 hours ago, molarbear said: This is a tarp... there is absolutely no right answ..... The devil's lettuce may have something to do with that >.> 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 1 hour ago, Vamped said: Everything on the list are things an adult should be able to do. You don't have to fix/build/repair things yourself but you should know how to find resources to get things fixed/built/repaired Anybody being emotionally available all the time is unrealistic So aside from those things ... being an independent adult is the minimum Cool, we can agree there. So if a "man" has all of these qualities and can do all of these tings before getting into a relationship.....What is his incentive to to attach himself to a woman. I know you won't say vagina, because that devalues the entire thing. So once a man is a "man", does he seek a woman that lacks these things. Clearly a woman who has these bare minimums can't really leverage herself in such a way that one couldnt survive without the other. The men that gravitate to those women are the ones who do not have it together...looking for a new mommy....Much in the same way that women who can't manage their money, get their car repaired, clean a home, or help with family issues would seek a parter who can....looking for a daddy. The ideal of independence AND the need for constant companionship don't go hand in hand in a "masculine" minds set....And that's when masculinity is considered toxic. So now we have passport bros, Soft Phase dudes, and whatever else they are calling themselves now, because the archaic definition of masculinity is taboo. Again we delve into double standards....Where a woman who can do bad by herself is empowered but a male that does the same is labled toxic....Something must be wrong with him to be single. But it's not....When you do it all yourself, there is no need for another other than carnal pleasure in a "masculine" mindset. Now there are exceptions to the rule, but I've not encountered it personally and I would wager you haven't either, but I'm willing to lose that bet....Have you met the male with the quality checklist that you would consider a man that's in a relationship with a woman who can do it herself? 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 2 hours ago, Vamped said: Also .... what is this tagging stuff?? Is it not cool to just quote and reply or what? He need you to talk to him so he can ignore it or dismiss it with "ok" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoobdog Posted May 26 Author Share Posted May 26 2 hours ago, ghostrek said: yes for almost every one of those but last one is hard at times It really isn’t. Being a man means hearing things you don’t like and don’t agree with and accepting that you need to deal with people you don’t like and don’t agree with. I’m not piling on here, just changing your frame of reference. Personal responsibility means taking care of your own business, and it means only worrying about the things people say that affect you or the people you care about directly. Why is it hard to listen to something that won’t affect you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
molarbear Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 2 hours ago, discolé monade said: YESSSSSSSSS!!!!! Seriously tho.... Does it get any better than sitting on the porch on a summer night, getting blazed, and listening to whatever creature is foraging around in your neighbors yard? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 2024 be like 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamped Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 8 hours ago, André Toulon said: Cool, we can agree there. So if a "man" has all of these qualities and can do all of these tings before getting into a relationship.....What is his incentive to to attach himself to a woman. Companionship? Human connection? Someone to unburden yourself with? Somebody I can drag to comic con to have fun with knowing they will wear deodorant Please explain to me what a soft phase man is because I have no idea what that is. My only understanding of a passport bro is like a sex tourist or those white dudes from 90 day fiance that say American women are too difficult so Imma travel overseas to find a submissive Asian woman I can exploit. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamped Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Also explain further how "I can do bad by myself" is toxic for a man. I feel like it would be the same .... unless we're talking about how the expectation isn't equal across the board. Society expects a man to be independent but not so much for a woman? Is that it? I'm not understanding 100% 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dusty Shackleford Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 (edited) On 5/26/2024 at 9:16 AM, Vamped said: Companionship? Human connection? Someone to unburden yourself with? Somebody I can drag to comic con to have fun with knowing they will wear deodorant Please explain to me what a soft phase man is because I have no idea what that is. My only understanding of a passport bro is like a sex tourist or those white dudes from 90 day fiance that say American women are too difficult so Imma travel overseas to find a submissive Asian woman I can exploit. Internet bullshit in the form of a bunch a dudes who want women to take care of them in ridiculous ass ways basically Hobosexuals. And as far as the Passport Pervs...I mean bros it's sex tourism at it's most cringiest. But that community has been taking a lot of L's lately and I'm loving every single moment of it. Edited May 27 by -Kudasai- 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 (edited) 1 hour ago, Vamped said: Companionship? Human connection? Someone to unburden yourself with? Somebody I can drag to comic con to have fun with knowing they will wear deodorant (So I'm going to use parentheses because I have no clue how to change font color on mobile apparently. See, that's what YOU want, what if his thing is going fishing at 4am...you going, or is it going to be a "why you always fishing" thing. It's easy to speculate when it's on your terms...but the point is, do you feel a man can unburden himself in the same manner as you without being told he's being emotional. But the real issue is most men don't want to talk and wear their emotions on their sleeves. They are generally built to keep such things contained and figure out a solution on their own. Just to be clear, we are talking about "masculinity" and pouring your heart out isn't masculine....men solve problems and to do that, we usually need to delve into ourselves for the answer.) Please explain to me what a soft phase man is because I have no idea what that is. My only understanding of a passport bro is like a sex tourist or those white dudes from 90 day fiance that say American women are too difficult so Imma travel overseas to find a submissive Asian woman I can exploit. (I'll try to find a video for you...I can't exactly explain it but it's dudes that say things like don't make suggestions for a date and expect him to pay...if you plan, you pay....men who've abandoned archaic masculinity for a more feminine stance on dating and relationships. It's kind of hilarious but also kind of sad because what woman is gonna go for that. Seems like some gay shit to me, but they swear they are straight, just in their soft phase....like how girls have ho phases. I'm not accusing you of anything but I know you've heard of the ho phases) 1 hour ago, Vamped said: Also explain further how "I can do bad by myself" is toxic for a man. I feel like it would be the same .... unless we're talking about how the expectation isn't equal across the board. Society expects a man to be independent but not so much for a woman? Is that it? I'm not understanding 100% (If I kick a sorry ass chick out, I'm a monster because how dare I lead her on with expectations of being a wife and giving her a life of provision, only to take it away when I find something new, or younger, or whatever the narrative would be when in fact its just because I'm sick of watching her smoke weed and eat hot chips all day....but women can kick men out after providing for him, and she's a champion ...taking control of her life. Cutting the dead weight. Double standard. Sure...it should be the same, but it's not...it never is. Men are expected to take it on the chin and just get over it....ya know, because "masculine".) My point being, if a woman makes a "masculine" move, she will be applauded while men doing what they just consider a move to peace is a toxic trait....how dare he put her on the street with no money, no shelter, no way to fend for herself. So to stay on topic and not make this a men vs women thing, a lot of dudes are using femininity as a means to level the playing field.....I'm not doing it, personally....I'm ok with just being called a jerk, but the paradigm of masculinity has taken an extremely jarring shift and it's why I made my original stance that there can't be a serious consensus. I assume some of these dudes are serious, but some are just plain trolling. Edited May 26 by André Toulon 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 OMG, I hate how this site is structured sometimes....my answers are in your quotes on my post, Vamped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Ok, every soft phase/soft guy era video is on tiktok and I'm not making an account for that...I'll make one more attempt and put it in my FB search, but istg I don't want to do this because it'll never go away. Guess I'll log into the buddyroe account. But since they are both linked to my Google, I'm sure it'll infect both 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Let's try this https://www.facebook.com/firstoffinmyopinion/videos/673879331485409/?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v Yeah it won't embed, but I'm assuming if you're logged into FB, you can see dude video For real....this what they got going on 🤣 https://www.facebook.com/Blackroyalty77/videos/721582940137907/?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dusty Shackleford Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 1 minute ago, André Toulon said: Let's try this https://www.facebook.com/firstoffinmyopinion/videos/673879331485409/?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v Yeah it won't embed, but I'm assuming if you're logged into FB, you can see dude video For real....this what they got going on 🤣 https://www.facebook.com/Blackroyalty77/videos/721582940137907/?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v Drizzle Drizzle 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamped Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 I'll preface my response by saying I'm a mental health professional so my default response is men need be able to process, express, feel their feelings. That type of mentality where men aren't suppose to have feelings/express them is toxic AF. You should be allowed to be sensitive and cry and everything else. The women that get grossed out or perpetuate that men are weak for crying/having feelings are toxic AF too. Also I would 100% expect to go fishing or be in a deer stand at 4am if that's the hobbies my partner likes and wants me to try. Reciprocity and having a genuine interest in the other person I feel like is a given. So I guess my question is .... is it really that men don't want to pour their hearts out or is it that they just have been told/ conditioned that they're not supposed to that has them unwilling to do it. You have an entire population of men that would rather go out and engage in risky behavior then talk about their feelings and childhood. Then the very society that contributed to these toxic expectations act surprised that suicide rates are so high 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greeny Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Idk but I just changed my tires. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 (edited) While I do feel that a lot of men do it because they are told or conditioned to bottle up emotions, I do it mostly because I like to fix my own problems and I find that I, myself, tend to be dismissive and unreceptive to other people's opinions on what I should do or how I should cope. Like there have been times I think "man, I wish I had someone to talk to about this" and then I analyze that further and realize, I don't actually want to talk to anyone about it.....what I want is like some glaring alarm or something to go off when I'm in that mood that lets people know that I'm dealing with my own shit and I don't really want to talk about theirs. I can usually figure shit out on my own, but for some reason, people like to spill their guts to me and sometimes they pick the very moment I'm buried in my own thoughts and it's all I can do to not flash and be like "stfu, I'm dealing with my own shit" but since I usually feel bad after being mean, I just pile their shit in with mine and just muddle through. Edited May 26 by André Toulon 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discolé monade Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 9 hours ago, molarbear said: YESSSSSSSSS!!!!! Seriously tho.... Does it get any better than sitting on the porch on a summer night, getting blazed, and listening to whatever creature is foraging around in your neighbors yard? fuck. yes. and...i had a mama turtle lay her clutch in my front hard. i escorted her back across the road to the swamp/marsh/area. i saw a fox this morning. and i may have seen a female blue bird. my 'pond' fish are getting huge, and i saw some striped black and orange and i'm excited to see if they get big/make it through the giant bullfrog and/or resident fish eating snake. i witness this while blazing into the morning haze of the day. tl:dr as mother nature intended. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greeny Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 28 minutes ago, Vamped said: is it really that men don't want to pour their hearts out or is it that they just have been told/ conditioned that they're not supposed to that has them unwilling to do it. Just to make at least one serious post in this thread, I personally believe that "pouring your heart out" doesn't actually accomplish anything other than making you feel better, which is important, but the more quickly you can "get over" what ails you the sooner you can flip the switch and take action to remedy it. I wouldn't link that to masculinity, but it is a huge part of being a functional adult. In my experience at least men in general are able to flip that switch sooner and it's probably a combination of them being conditioned to do so, biology, and a number of other things, but not wanting to do it definitely isn't one of them. The issue is that men are more likely to be laughed at and/or looked down upon when they seek help, and they know it. It's easy to ask for help when you don't have to stop and think about how it's going to make people see you. I'm not a woman and can't speak for them, but I get the feeling that it's generally not as big of a consideration for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discolé monade Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 2 minutes ago, André Toulon said: While I do fee that a lot of men do it because they are told or conditioned to bottle up emotions, I do it mostly because I like to fix my own problems and I find that I, myself, tend to be dismissive and unreceptive to other people's opinions on what I should do or how I should cope. Like there have been time I think "man, I wish I had someone to talk to about this" and then I analyze that further and realize, I don't actually want to talk to anyone about it.....what I want is like some glaring alarm or something to go off when I'm in that mood that lets people know that I'm dealing with my own shit and I don't really want to talk about theirs. I can usually figure shit out on my own, but for some reason, people like to spill their guts to me and sometimes they pick the very moment I'm buried in my own thoughts and it's all I can do to not flash and be like "stfu, I'm dealing with my own shit" but since I usually feel bad after being mean, I just pile their shit in with mine and just muddle through. i get this. but people sometimes try to show they understand/relate, and it's from past trauma. i find i have to tell people. 'first, do you want any advice or do you want me to shup and listen', and maybe because i was one of those people w/you that may have over shared, or over opinionated? i don't know. i'm socially awkward af, and have been known not to be able to read a room. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamped Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 1 hour ago, André Toulon said: Let's try this https://www.facebook.com/firstoffinmyopinion/videos/673879331485409/?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v Yeah it won't embed, but I'm assuming if you're logged into FB, you can see dude video For real....this what they got going on 🤣 https://www.facebook.com/Blackroyalty77/videos/721582940137907/?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v Me logging into Facebook after years OMG .. before I address the content .... I got other petty issues In the first video: Why you up here making a video without putting lotion on your knuckles and advertising cheezits in the reflection of your glasses? He pissed me off stopping the goddamn story to give life advice. Just finish the goddamn story. 2nd video: You talking plenty shit to have them wrinkled up ass curtains straight out the Walmart pack 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamped Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Now the content in these videos. The first video: I agree 100% if I ask to take you out, I say my treat, that means I'm going to pay. It's different if he asked you on the date. Even when somebody asks you out on a date as a woman, you still need to have enough money to pay for your own food and way to get back home. The second video is tomfoolery. If you have a stay at home spouse raising children, his whole argument is stupid. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamped Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 32 minutes ago, discolé monade said: i get this. but people sometimes try to show they understand/relate, and it's from past trauma. i find i have to tell people. 'first, do you want any advice or do you want me to shup and listen', and maybe because i was one of those people w/you that may have over shared, or over opinionated? i don't know. i'm socially awkward af, and have been known not to be able to read a room. I think that's where people get frustrated. Do you want to just vent or do you want me to offer advice and help you form a solution. I know I tell people to bitch check me to make sure I'm reacting appropriately or am I overreacting XD 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamped Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 39 minutes ago, Greeny said: The issue is that men are more likely to be laughed at and/or looked down upon when they seek help, and they know it. It's easy to ask for help when you don't have to stop and think about how it's going to make people see you. I'm not a woman and can't speak for them, but I get the feeling that it's generally not as big of a consideration for them. Sounds having a safe space would be helpful. Are you a safe space for others? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greeny Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 21 minutes ago, Vamped said: Sounds having a safe space would be helpful. Are you a safe space for others? I won't ridicule people for asking me for help, if that's what you mean. And I like to think the people who know me know that. But then again I avoid people at all costs, but they know how to get ahold of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghostrek Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 11 hours ago, scoobdog said: It really isn’t. Being a man means hearing things you don’t like and don’t agree with and accepting that you need to deal with people you don’t like and don’t agree with. I’m not piling on here, just changing your frame of reference. Personal responsibility means taking care of your own business, and it means only worrying about the things people say that affect you or the people you care about directly. Why is it hard to listen to something that won’t affect you? @scoobdog i dont know 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dusty Shackleford Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 4 hours ago, André Toulon said: 2024 be like Facts 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 (edited) 2 hours ago, discolé monade said: i get this. but people sometimes try to show they understand/relate, and it's from past trauma. i find i have to tell people. 'first, do you want any advice or do you want me to shup and listen', and maybe because i was one of those people w/you that may have over shared, or over opinionated? i don't know. i'm socially awkward af, and have been known not to be able to read a room. Nah not you by any means. Mostly I'm talking about partners or people who can physically see me staring into the void and just start shovelling trash on my pile Edited May 26 by André Toulon 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 2 hours ago, Vamped said: Now the content in these videos. The first video: I agree 100% if I ask to take you out, I say my treat, that means I'm going to pay. It's different if he asked you on the date. Even when somebody asks you out on a date as a woman, you still need to have enough money to pay for your own food and way to get back home. The second video is tomfoolery. If you have a stay at home spouse raising children, his whole argument is stupid. I noticed the knuckles and was going to make my own comment but got upset that it didn't embed. Those were just the first two I came across but there's one with a bargain bin Idris that amused the shit out of me because you could just tell he was fapping to himself in the mirror 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Just as a matter of fact kind of thing, very few women I've dated ever made me feel they were with me for money. Definitely none of the pre college women were....in fact I reached out and made amends with the girl I was with in Atlanta because I was at my worst then. She kinda paid for my past trauma and she didn't deserve it. I'm happy we cleared the air. Post college, I got into a relationship fueled by cocaine....did not work, obviously.....The kids mother was broke when we met but I felt it was my job to support her while she went to school and built her business... subsequent women were almost always solid. It just these last two that had to get the reality check the coochie ain't gonna hypnotize me, but they were just grown girls, not women. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoobdog Posted May 26 Author Share Posted May 26 4 hours ago, Vamped said: So I guess my question is .... is it really that men don't want to pour their hearts out or is it that they just have been told/ conditioned that they're not supposed to that has them unwilling to do it. You have an entire population of men that would rather go out and engage in risky behavior then talk about their feelings and childhood. Then the very society that contributed to these toxic expectations act surprised that suicide rates are so high I don’t want to interject too much here since you and Buddy are really advancing this discussion, but shouldn’t there be a third option? The. “Told/conditioned” option is broad enough to catch most social pressures, and at the same time it doesn’t capture the training aspect. Just because I (a man) know my anger derives from something unrelated and that processing my memories can give me several likely options for a program trigger, doesn’t mean I know how to deprogram the anger response. Social toxicity can’t account for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoobdog Posted May 26 Author Share Posted May 26 2 hours ago, ghostrek said: @scoobdog i dont know You do know, Ghosty. You’re allowing your deep seated animus to those you consider antagonistic to overrule logic. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamped Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 3 minutes ago, scoobdog said: I don’t want to interject too much here since you and Buddy are really advancing this discussion, but shouldn’t there be a third option? The. “Told/conditioned” option is broad enough to catch most social pressures, and at the same time it doesn’t capture the training aspect. Just because I (a man) know my anger derives from something unrelated and that processing my memories can give me several likely options for a program trigger, doesn’t mean I know how to deprogram the anger response. Social toxicity can’t account for that. Thats where therapy comes in, assuming you want to to deprogram 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
André Toulon Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 2 minutes ago, scoobdog said: I don’t want to interject too much here since you and Buddy are really advancing this discussion, but shouldn’t there be a third option? The. “Told/conditioned” option is broad enough to catch most social pressures, and at the same time it doesn’t capture the training aspect. Just because I (a man) know my anger derives from something unrelated and that processing my memories can give me several likely options for a program trigger, doesn’t mean I know how to deprogram the anger response. Social toxicity can’t account for that. Well now you have to elaborate, because I don't really associate my need to repress my emotions with anger. My anger generally manifests when I'm actually TRYING to convey feelings and I'm not getting a response 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vamped Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Let the community care for you Or troll you ... I guess Like 50/50 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dusty Shackleford Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 15 minutes ago, Vamped said: Let the community care for you Or troll you ... I guess Like 50/50 Nah some folks are just going to have to get left behind 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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