InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 Since @RogueAlphonse likes the Lowe’s retail stories I post on Facebook, I figured I’d share some with the class. Post your own stories, let the fucked up times roll! Beech Grove Lowe’s story: At work: *some 10ish year old looking kid walks up to the toilet displays* Kid: Hey, what would you do if I pooped in this? Me (internally): Teach your parents what a late-late-term abortion looks like. Me: I dunno, kid. Let’s not find out. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 Me (talking to a customer about bath tub drains): The pop up drain will be easier to replace if your tenants break it. Customer: What’s gonna happen with that is the kid is gonna get his toes stuck and then they’re gonna call and ask me for my insurance number and then the dad is going to take a screwdriver and pop it out and fuck up the pipes and I’ll be screwed. Me (internally): Well that’s an oddly fuckin specific prediction of events. Me: Okay, try the lever type then. It’s been a day. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 Customer: Where’s your electrical stuff? Me: Aisle 12 or 13. Customer: Well which is it? Me: What are you looking for specifically? Customer (rudely): Electrical. Stuff. Me: Well it’s going to be on Aisle 12. And if it’s not there it’ll probably be on Aisle 13. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 At AMC theatre... Greeter, talking to Will and Jessica: “Enjoy the movie!” *greeter looks at me* “The bar’s open.” Just because you’re right about me doesn’t mean you know me... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 Another Lowes of Beech Grove skit. Customer *shopping for bathtubs *: I need something really durable. Have you ever fucked your girlfriend in the shower so hard you broke the tub? Me: Only on occasion. So I take it you’re looking for a steel tub? Customer: You think it’ll hold up? Me: They work for me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 Conversation at work. Me: Soon they’re gonna replace all of our jobs with robots, then what are we gonna do? Bobbie: Duh, prostitution. Me: Japan’s already got sex robots, Bobbie! We’re fucked! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 Beech Grove Lowe’s story: Customer: *angrily throws box full of pipe fittings on the ground* Me: Something the matter, sir? Customer: There was a 1/2” fitting mixed in the with this box! *stares at me with an accusatory glare like I manage the location of the literal thousands of plumbing fittings in my department* Me: *looks down at the scattered fittings on the floor* Well, not anymore. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 Me: Rockford’s been cracking down on human trafficking lately. Will: Good maybe we won’t get kidnapped. Me: We wouldn’t anyway, we don’t fit the criteria: Young girls. Will: Speak for yourself. Me: Young girls on the OUTSIDE. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 Beech Grove Lowes mini-story. Customer on phone: How much are your wax rings? Me: The basic wax rings are 2.18.... *lists the rest of the prices* Customer: Wax rings used to be one dollar!!! Me: Unfortunately things must have gotten more expensive. Customer: Well that is just total bullshit. Me: Okay. Customer: You mean to tell me I have to pay 2 dollars? Me: Yes. Customer: That is robbery! Me: Okay. Customer: I hope you’re satisfied working for thieves. Me: Yes. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 Will (talking to the dog, putting in her caged off area because she’s been peeing on the floor): *snap snap* Freya, go home! Freya: *reluctantly takes a step towards her bed and looks back* Will: *snap snap* Freya... go home. Freya: *sadly walks into her bed, where she is shut in by a baby gate* Will (turning to look at me): *snap snap* Mike, go home! Me: *reluctantly takes a step towards my room before looking back* Will: *snap snap* Mike... go home. Me: *sadly walks into my bedroom, shutting the door for the night* 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 Lowe’s Beech Grove mini story: Customer: I need a flush valve and a handle for a Mansfield toilet. Me: Okay, the valve is 10 dollars and the handle is 6. Customer: Well I ain’t getting it if it’s two separate things. Me: Well, it’s two separate things. Customer: *scoffs* Ridiculous. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 A slightly shadier Beech Grove Lowe’s story: Lady: I need you to point me in the direction of the Lye. Me: Sure, right this way. *tries to keep a straight face as I walk her to the product* Lady: That sounded wrong, I’m not using it for anything bad, I’m making soap for my mother’s birthday present. Me: I wasn’t going to say anything, I don’t wanna get Epstein’d. Lady: *laughs* That was pretty good, though I really am making soap! Me: I’m honestly cool with it either way. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 *in unisex bathroom, because the public bathroom is for peasants* Angry random lady: *knocks on door* Me: Come back with a warrant! *finishes business and leaves room* Lady *standing sassily in the hall*: What reason would you have to use that bathroom? Why can’t you use the normal bathroom? Me: Oh, there are plenty of reasons. *walks away without explaining any of them* Glad I wasn’t on the clock. 😂😂😂 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 Me: That’s why god invented dollies. Right? Isn’t that in the Bible? “Thou shalt not lift... uh...” Will: “Thou shalt not lift outside your power zone.” Yeah it’s in there. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 Little old lady: I need a switchblade. Me (confused and shocked): *looks over at Jeff M.* Jeff: Right this way. Me: *confusion intensifies* [Quietly to self]: We sell switchblades? Jeff: Just a single switch? Or do you have a few lights? Me: Oh! SwitchPLATES. Much less interesting. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 Me (randomly, for no reason): Wakanda Forever! Will: Really? You don’t seem the type that would be into that. Me: Why? Because I’m white!?! Will: No, you just aren’t that extremist. Me: Wakanda Until I Get Tired Of It! Will: Now that seems more your speed. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 Scrawling on bathroom stall: “The joke’s in your hand.” Me (aloud): “I don’t need to be called out like this.” Random person in next stall: “You okay over there?” Me: “Yeah, just being insulted by graffiti.” Rando: “Weird, mine usually invites me to go have a good time.” 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 Okay! All caught up! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1pooh4u Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 Your life would make an awesomely hilarious comic strip or web comic. Either way 8/10 would read daily 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 (edited) 4 minutes ago, 1pooh4u said: Your life would make an awesomely hilarious comic strip or web comic. Either way 8/10 would read daily I’ll try to keep this updated as I have more strange encounters. It turns out I think and say and do a lot of weird shit. I only consciously remember to record like a third of it. It also helps that the Lowe’s I work in is in hillbilly central. Good times. Edited October 2, 2019 by InsaneFox 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bnmjy Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 When I worked at Starbucks: Middle aged lady after placing her order: Don't worry, I'm easy! Me: Ok. Lady: Well . . . 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renjifan Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 I was working at a pizza place and was the only employee there at the time. A guy came in and ordered, and this convo took place as I was ringing him up. Guy: “Whoa!” Me: *Looks up at him* Guy: “You have really cool eyes!” Me: “Oh, thank you. 🙂” Guy: “They look like an eagle!” Me: *Looks at him in confusion* Guy: “Can you make an eagle noise? Like this!” *Proceeds to make a squealing noise that is apparently what he thinks an eagle sounds like* Me: “...........No.” *Leaves to go make his food* 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 9 minutes ago, renjifan said: I was working at a pizza place and was the only employee there at the time. A guy came in and ordered, and this convo took place as I was ringing him up. Guy: “Whoa!” Me: *Looks up at him* Guy: “You have really cool eyes!” Me: “Oh, thank you. 🙂” Guy: “They look like an eagle!” Me: *Looks at him in confusion* Guy: “Can you make an eagle noise? Like this!” *Proceeds to make a squealing noise that is apparently what he thinks an eagle sounds like* Me: “...........No.” *Leaves to go make his food* How do you have eagle eyes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renjifan Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 2 minutes ago, InsaneFox said: How do you have eagle eyes? I think he was talking about the color of them? They’re green with kind of a gold-ish color around the pupil At least I hope that’s what he was talking about, anyway. Y’all would tell me if I had a bird face, right??? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 2, 2019 Author Share Posted October 2, 2019 1 minute ago, renjifan said: I think he was talking about the color of them? They’re green with kind of a gold-ish color around the pupil At least I hope that’s what he was talking about, anyway. Y’all would tell me if I had a bird face, right??? I mean. I don’t remember seeing your face, so maybe? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ric Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 I was at a local grocery store and this dude out of no where came asking if I've been to (I forget where) because he was a Navy Seal there and he might have saved my life. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 3, 2019 Author Share Posted October 3, 2019 2 minutes ago, Ric said: I was at a local grocery store and this dude out of no where came asking if I've been to (I forget where) because he was a Navy Seal there and he might have saved my life. Bonus points if he did save you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ric Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 Just now, InsaneFox said: Bonus points if he did save you. No but I do think he was the same guy from several years before that who was walking around telling people "I know martial arts!" at the elementary school where I was asked to go pick my cousin up at for a week. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 3, 2019 Author Share Posted October 3, 2019 Just now, Ric said: No but I do think he was the same guy from several years before that who was walking around telling people "I know martial arts!" at the elementary school where I was asked to go pick my cousin up at for a week. Could be that he saved you from a deadly ninja ambush with his martial arts abilities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ric Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 Just now, InsaneFox said: Could be that he saved you from a deadly ninja ambush with his martial arts abilities. Maybe if he is also a MIB agent and used that memory eraser thing on me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 3, 2019 Author Share Posted October 3, 2019 Just now, Ric said: Maybe if he is also a MIB agent and used that memory eraser thing on me. Holy shit. Maybe you’re the alien? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ric Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 1 minute ago, InsaneFox said: Holy shit. Maybe you’re the alien? 👽 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naraku360 Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 (edited) Customer: [points at speaker case, appears to be aiming for the empty top shelf] I want that one. Me: Which one? Customer: [points in exact same direction from same weirdly far distance] That one. Me: [points at closest one to where he appeared to be pointing] That? Customer: No, dude. [angrily taps case on the furthest speaker from where he pointed] That one. It's not that hard! Edited October 3, 2019 by naraku360 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renjifan Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 49 minutes ago, InsaneFox said: I mean. I don’t remember seeing your face, so maybe? I’ve posted pics a couple of times. But that was the first and only time I’ve ever been compared to a bird, so I’m hoping I’m good... 😒 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naraku360 Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 Customer: Are you trying to ignore me? Me: I'm sorry, what? Customer: I've been over there for 30 minutes and haven't been helped. Me: I was working in a different section and didn't know you were there. Customer: It really seemed like you were ignoring me. Me: I didn't see you the last time I was in that area. Customer: How come? I've been there for 30 minutes! Me: I didn't notice. I'm legally blind. Customer: You don't look blind! Don't going playing the blind card when you don't even look it. Gotta say, the glasses are a good disguise though. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 3, 2019 Author Share Posted October 3, 2019 4 minutes ago, renjifan said: I’ve posted pics a couple of times. But that was the first and only time I’ve ever been compared to a bird, so I’m hoping I’m good... 😒 Whatever you say, Harvey Birdlady. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naraku360 Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 Customer: You don't have to bag it, I'll get it myself. Me: Okay. [Customer finishes running card, then stares at me. I stare back.] Customer: [staring continued] Me: [staring] Customer: Aren't you going to say anything?! Me: Uh...? Customer: Not even a goodnight?! Me: I was waiting until you finished bagging your things. Customer: I can't believe this. Do you even care about your job? Because you seem like you don't give a shit! I want to talk to a manager! [Walks over to coworker] Are you the manager?! Coworker: No. Customer: [walks back and bags stuff while ranting] I'm going to call and complain about how rudely I was treated by THAT GUY! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 3, 2019 Author Share Posted October 3, 2019 7 hours ago, naraku360 said: Customer: You don't have to bag it, I'll get it myself. Me: Okay. [Customer finishes running card, then stares at me. I stare back.] Customer: [staring continued] Me: [staring] Customer: Aren't you going to say anything?! Me: Uh...? Customer: Not even a goodnight?! Me: I was waiting until you finished bagging your things. Customer: I can't believe this. Do you even care about your job? Because you seem like you don't give a shit! I want to talk to a manager! [Walks over to coworker] Are you the manager?! Coworker: No. Customer: [walks back and bags stuff while ranting] I'm going to call and complain about how rudely I was treated by THAT GUY! THAT GUY is such a rude dick... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doom Metal Alchemist Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 This isn't really an encounter, but is the first thing that popped in my mind... For a while I used to like to go to Cold Stone Creamery after my Thursday morning chiropractor appointment every week. They have these "featured flavors" you can try, which is concoctions they come up with that feature specific blends of different flavors of ice cream and toppings and other mixtures that go in the ice cream. Well, I like variety in my junk food, so every time I would go, I would try something different. One time I ordered I think it was a strawberry shortcake something-or-other cone. I got the cone dipped and sprinkled, because, why not. Ice cream is supposed to be fun, I'm a kid inside, and I love sweets. Well, the cone wasn't dipped with chocolate, I guess it was dipped with some strawberry flavored dip. It was pink. So I was eating a giant ice cream cone that featured pink ice cream, pink dip on the cone, and rainbow colored sprinkles on the cone. I was enjoying my ice cream, when it randomly dawned on me that I probably just ordered the gayest item on the menu. "Eh, so what if the person behind the counter thinks I'm gay," I said to myself as I finished my ice cream and left. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 3, 2019 Author Share Posted October 3, 2019 *judges you in Republican* 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mix Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 (me trying to holla by pretending like I know someone) (...in the ice cream isle of a grocery store) Me: Oh hey, how're you doing? Her: (turns around......look of confusion........tots pregnant) Me: (panics....tries to get out of this) I'm sorry......I meant, how y'all doin'? (panics.....idiot....panics) 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mix Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 (talking to old south asian neighbor.....he had a heavy accent, it made the scene funnier, i'm not being racist) Him: Hey! Me: Hey. Him: You see dat beeg berd? Me: No, what bird? Him: Beeg berd, fly over houses all murning Me: No, I haven't seen anything. I haven't been home since last Saturday. Him: Guy down da street come over lookin for his dog. I say I no see him. But I think, "buddy, your dog dead." Me: (laughs) Him: (laughs) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doom Metal Alchemist Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 1 minute ago, Mix said: (talking to old south asian neighbor.....he had a heavy accent, it made the scene funnier, i'm not being racist) Him: Hey! Me: Hey. Him: You see dat beeg berd? Me: No, what bird? Him: Beeg berd, fly over houses all murning Me: No, I haven't seen anything. I haven't been home since last Saturday. Him: Guy down da street come over lookin for his dog. I say I no see him. But I think, "buddy, your dog dead." Me: (laughs) Him: (laughs) He implying some bird of prey swooped down and nabbed the dog? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mix Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 3 minutes ago, Doom Metal Alchemist said: He implying some bird of prey swooped down and nabbed the dog? No, he ate the dog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mix Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 (3am, in my kitchen, internal convo) Me: (Pours milk into favorite mug, lifts it up to drink, eyelash falls in) Also Me: I guess I could put the mug down and fish it out, but.......I think if I tilt it right and gulp it down at steady intervals I could....possibly......just.....make it....fuck that was genius....I'm a fucking genius. Me: (puts empty mug with eyelash in sink, returns to bed feeling like a million bucks) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renjifan Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 I had a kid, probably about 7 or 8, cuss me out at my old job. He was alone in the playroom and I told him he needed to be with his mom. Kid: “F*ck you.” Me: “😳...That’s not nice, you shouldn’t say that to people.” Kid: “F*ck. You.” Me: “Go find your mom...now.” Kid: “Go f*ck yourself!” Me: *Storms back to the office while laughing in disbelief/anger* Coworker: “What’s wrong??” Me: “Someone needs to come get this child before I lose my job today.” Coworker: *Goes to talk to kid/find his mom* Kid: *Continues to cuss us out as his mom walks up* Kid’s Mom: “😱! Oh, I can’t deal with this right now!” *Walks away* Me and Coworker: 😐 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 3, 2019 Author Share Posted October 3, 2019 9 minutes ago, renjifan said: I had a kid, probably about 7 or 8, cuss me out at my old job. He was alone in the playroom and I told him he needed to be with his mom. Kid: “F*ck you.” Me: “😳...That’s not nice, you shouldn’t say that to people.” Kid: “F*ck. You.” Me: “Go find your mom...now.” Kid: “Go f*ck yourself!” Me: *Storms back to the office while laughing in disbelief/anger* Coworker: “What’s wrong??” Me: “Someone needs to come get this child before I lose my job today.” Coworker: *Goes to talk to kid/find his mom* Kid: *Continues to cuss us out as his mom walks up* Kid’s Mom: “😱! Oh, I can’t deal with this right now!” *Walks away* Me and Coworker: 😐 My nephew, when he was like 2. Would hold up his index finger at cars and say "Bee"!!! We had no idea for about several months that he was actually flipping them off and saying 'bitch!" Kids are savages. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doom Metal Alchemist Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 1 minute ago, InsaneFox said: My nephew, when he was like 2. Would hold up his index finger at cars and say "Bee"!!! We had no idea for about several months that he was actually flipping them off and saying 'bitch!" Kids are savages. I'm trying to think of that Jet Black (Cowboy Bebop) quote.... "Nothing is more pure and cruel than a child." Something like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneFox Posted October 3, 2019 Author Share Posted October 3, 2019 1 minute ago, Doom Metal Alchemist said: I'm trying to think of that Jet Black (Cowboy Bebop) quote.... "Nothing is more pure and cruel than a child." Something like that. There's nothing pure about those little fucking petty, demonic crotch goblins. (Will probably never have kids.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doom Metal Alchemist Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 21 minutes ago, InsaneFox said: There's nothing pure about those little fucking petty, demonic crotch goblins. (Will probably never have kids.) I think pure in this instance refers to what you see is what you get; there are no hidden layers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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