Skiles

This one really makes me laugh, actually.

That movie rules. Everyone always quotes the "GET TO THE CHOPPAH" line, but the most underrated part of the whole film is the most amazing and manly handshake in movie history.

Boo. I'm a big fan of historical shit like that. So while I'm not weeping in the street like some folks, it was kind of a bummer for me.

Now there's an itchy bump where the little fucker got me. I hate mosquitoes.

No better way to celebrate than banging a bunch of 6's that work at Denny's.

Full story here, for anyone who may give a shit: https://www.cbsnews.com/live-news/notre-dame-cathedral-fire-paris-collapse-live-updates-today-2019-04-15/ It's sad to see a historic building full of amazing artifacts go up like this. I guess a lot of the stuff they keep there was moved for renovations, so that's good at least. But even though I'm an atheist, I'm also a huge history buff. So it's still a huge bummer.

Fasterbation.

Just a shade under seven inches. FROM THE GROUND

*than

Sorry, Detroit already has Fight Tour. I must ask you to come up with a different name, or you will be sued.

I set my alarm earlier than when I actually need to get going, so I can spend a good half-hour laying in bed thinking about shit. Then I get up, have a little water, then crack open a soda. I used to have a cigarette immediately, but I quit smoking recently. If it's a weekday, I play with my nephew for a while. Then I go do what I need to do, whatever that may be.

Sweet, dude. I would've watched the PPV, but one of the fights is Halloway vs. Poirier, and I refuse to watch any fight card where two opponents have rhyming last names.

Ew, my avatar is like, a kid cat. Or a kitten, as I guess they're known.

How dare they make a mockery of my husband, Lord Beerus.

I don't disagree. And I don't think a lot of managers and district managers disagree. But you know how them corporations be. Weed is drug, drug is bad, that sort of nonsense.

Bite your tongue. Bucket is a good boi. I mean, I know he's a troll, but he's been a sweetheart to me, so, y'know... whatevs.

I guarantee you, even if it becomes federally legalized, a lot of jobs will still test for it. It's not like once it happens, every company in America is just gonna be like, "Welp, stoners are in now, fuck it." Nah. Businesses aren't just going to flip the switch on that. My point is, your pain will never end.

It definitely matters if you're actually making a dish with uncooked ingredients. If I'm just heating up a frozen pizza, I just eyeball it anyway, so I guess it wouldn't matter. I still do, though. Because fuck biting into something that's hot on the outside and cold on the inside.

I respect that sentiment completely. And trust me, there is a part of me that looks at the state of my life and wishes I could just tell myself "Okay, this person is treating me like garbage, but I just have to suck it up and deal with it and make this money." But I can't. I just don't feel like being talked down to like I'm an inferior human being for $9.50 an hour is something that I've "got to do" anymore. Or maybe I do have to do it, and I'm just being selfish in the wrong way. I'm not sure.

He's been doing well for a while, but he's getting more mainstream coverage lately, which is cool. I'm pretty sure they ran a story on him a few months ago on 60 Minutes, or some such national news show.

He's great. There are a lot of great comics from that class of comics who cut their teeth in Chicago. Pete Holmes, T.J. Miller, and Kumail Nanjiani are a couple favorites of mine from that time and place. But shit, I'm constantly absorbing comedy of all types so it's hard for me to pinpoint specific guys. John Mulaney is always great. Chris D'Elia is a funny comic but I really like his off-the-cuff stuff, like his podcast and when he's on other people's podcasts. Same with Theo Von. Jay Larson is a phenomenal storyteller. I also like going back and watching comics that are no longer with us but were amazing, like Patrice O'Neal, Greg Giraldo, and Mitch Hedberg. Going back to Chicago guys, Sebastian Maniscalco is awesome and he's finally starting to really catch on with people.

AND THEN THE POLE TURNS HEEL AND WINS IT'S A SWERVE, BRO

https://twitter.com/nihilist_arbys - It's exactly what you would imagine. https://twitter.com/Wendys - Occasionally fun when their social media person decides to get sassy. https://twitter.com/billwurtz - Maker of hilarious music and videos on YouTube, and also does funnies on Twitter.