As we speak....
Helps has already created an alternate history where he and Pat fought with maces in full chainmail, where Pat roundly smote him upon the helm and in the ensuing dream vision in which the villagers of Detroit petitioned him to travel to the Jerusalem, New York to seek the Holy Rood. At which point, Sir Mix a Lot asks "Who amongst you would accompany this valiant knight on his divine quest? Not 10,000? Not 1,000?" Of the those in that place, 500 men came forth....