mthor

Buy SPAM by the slice.

Sorry, I should have checked first - The Incredible Journey was the book, which I read in like 6th grade, and which did not make me cry. Homeward Bound was the movie, which does.

The end of The Incredible Journey, when the golden retriever finally comes running out of the woods. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. Jurassic Bark. Not a movie, but can anybody watch that without at least sniffling a little?

Clips his nails with a hedge trimmer.

Sometimes, it's a state of knees.

Dude. Please. I'd give my senior discount at Dunkin' to be almost 50 again.

You're younger than both of my kids. I think I need a nap now.

It ain't the years, it's the mileage.

Brings a large pepper grinder everywhere, grinds pepper on to random people's food, and, when they beg him to stop, asks for a tip.

Contests his parking tickets using interpretive dance.

Spellcheck motherfucker! Can you use it?

Wears white after Labor Day.

I don't remember the first one I got, but I remember the first one I used - my mother's single blade. I used to cut my fingers changing the blade almost as often as I cut my legs actually shaving.

Isn't sure what he's going to do with an ambulance once he actually catches one.

Is there such a thing as vegan animal crackers?

So much for St. Malachi...

Benedict? Traditional? Surely you jest - the former Grand Inquistor traditionalist?

Starred in an infomercial for the Squatty Potty.

Christ on a crutch, SKEET! Also, i doubt that your particular neurodiversity disqualifies you from gun ownership. That's usually reserved for people like me, who have a history of involuntary commitment.

Live long and prosper. 🖖

Carved a window into the door of his refrigerator to see if the light stays on all the time.

Buys trucks from ferrets.

Happy birthday 🖖

Niagara Falls....Slowly, I turned....

But you can read, and I cannot believe that you looked at that and said, "Oh, yeah, that's close."