-Ninja_Jesus-

Nope, it’s me and the car. *kisses your car*

I like kissing the car instead, keeps them on their toes.

I can make it easy for you and say only one side is backed by the US and is currently committing genocide.

Fuck the Israeli government, and fuck those who support apartheid. Free Palestine. And also, fuck Hamas.

We didn’t I don’t think. I was also 15-16 at the time so it wasn’t about being realistic. Just being in the moment.

I used to long distance date this girl in Kentucky. I wonder how she's doing now. Haven't talked to her in like 15 years. I don't even know how to get on my old YIM anymore.

Hit my shin too hard on a flat bed shopping cart, probably needed stitches at the time. Took 3 weeks to actually start the healing process, it was an open sore (with bandaids and whatnot!) for a bit.

I have family on Maui, so unfortunately this joke isn't funny.

I bought so many souvenirs.

Does anyone want souvenirs?

Y'all are adorable.

It was the first time I ever sang at a public bar setting. A lot of places I went to in Hawaii had rentable private booths for friend groups, which was my whole experience for karaoke parties. But I gotta say, there’s nothing like belting “When You Were Young” three drinks deep and getting applauded by total strangers.

I remember all the Facebook shenanigans we all used to get into. RIP Saddy

“Due to extenuating circumstances I was unable to respond to phone calls” ”I will be unable to comply with training out of state” neither of these things are true, I just forgot that I did an interview and got a job offer and didn’t know what the phone calls were about, and I’m a coward 😭 how do I bounce back from this?

Nah, this is what actually happened.

You think you’re alright and then BAM there’s the taste of dick in your mouth and you don’t know how you ended up in a skirt and crop top with scraped knees. Also the high sucks. Does anyone want the rest of my gummies?

Adulthood sucks. One day groceries will be cheaper.

Dead by suicide. That fucking sucks. Everyone’s got their demons I suppose.

I’m very happy, I’ve never had a proper bookcase before, I may buy one more!

Coconut milk, almond syrup, chocolate sauce, espresso: almond joy latte.

.nɒM-ǝH ʇo ɒǝbi ǝʜɈ ǝʞil Ɉυd lɒniϱiɿo ǝʜɈ ʜɔɈɒw oɈ Ɉnɒw Ɉ'nob oʜw ƨlɒinǝllim ʇo nǝɿbliʜɔ ɿoʇ ƨi ǝno bnoɔǝƨ ǝʜT .ʜɈimƧ nivǝꓘ γd ǝbɒm ƨi bnɒ biʞ ɒ ƨɒ woʜƨ ǝʜɈ bǝʜɔɈɒw oʜw ƨlɒinnǝX ɿoʇ ƨi ǝno Ɉƨɿiᖷ

With these new Batman tie-die t-shirts! Available now wherever you see the Batsignal! Now in blood red, joker green, midnight blue and crowbar!

How much whipped cream will you go through on a daily basis that you need 240 canisters of the stuff? Paintball guns I didn’t know about until recently.

But you tell me what else someone’s gonna do with 10 boxes of 24-count nitrous oxide cartridges if not to huff the ever living fuck out of them. I’m not even saying it’s a bad thing; sounds like a fun time to me. But no one needs a fuckton of those.

True enough! I’m certain there are plenty of monogamous couples on OnlyFans. Then I suppose it is the confidence issue I have, and projecting that onto another person unfairly. Body positivity is something I’ve been working on for a while. I do think I’m okay looking, but I suppose the solution to that is to work on myself, haha. Maybe I’m just more of a prude than I though, then!