Mix

I tried, but they said I was too handsome. I was like, "whaaat," but they were like, "yeah, sorry, bruv. It's like the opposite of disability. It's like steroids in sports. You have an unfair advantage." I was blown away. I mean these guys were very complimentary. A couple of them tried to fuck me, much like you're doing right now, but I was like, "nah, i'm good." I still hang out with those guys. We play poker on Tuesdays at Phil's house. His wife hates it, but he makes it up to her by falling asleep drunk while trying to eat her box.

If they recover anything, it'll be twitter. That's the Roman graffiti of our time.

A minute later she texted, "Sorry, wrong person" I replied, "Mom, just go back to the old phone, you're ruining lives"

he never retires

Some people say it oddly, so it sounds like they are saying "taint worth much" so, of course, you have to respond, "taint?" And even though you were questioning their use of the word, seriously or humorously, they took it as genuine disbelief in their valuation process and the universe punished you with a long, comprehensive break down of antique furniture appraisal.

I tried immunizing at work too, but they said "heroin" is a "drug" and not a "vaccine" and we're calling the "cops"

That's not what I was referencing, but those superbad cops are dead on what I would be if I got into law enforcement...

I have never heard that question asked without the answer being drugs. It's like a math equation. Hell y'all doin' + in here = drugs drugs = hell y'all doin' + in here

I go to a different strip club every month. Not as a customer, but as a dancer. Not for the money, but for the attention. They kick me out pretty quick '>.>

Even if I was law enforcement, i'd be the awesome kind of law enforcement... Like, i'd give you the keys to my car so you could make a run for it at the end of the movie... Then, i'd switch sides and join you as a criminal for the next fifteen to twenty sequels....

Well there goes my theory. I'm starting to think your screen name is aspirational.

You think he's wearing green yoga pants?

oh, my adorable little honey gobbler, you don't use the devil....you simply summon it 😈

If you had a dick? If you had a dick? IF? You don't know what you would do. You don't know. Your.World.Would.Change. You think this shit's a game, Pooh. With your honey and your naps. Wait till you're bouncing on your tail, day and night!

DISPENSARY WHORE! I'm sorry, i'm just jealous. That was more about me and my situation and less about you and your whoring ways.

Not unless you also sell that pot. This is a great opportunity to test my theory though. Would you get vaxxed if your drug dealer was vaxxed?

I don't think we get everybody, but I know a lot of people who trust their dealer over their doctor. The government should start getting drug dealers to administer vaccines. You come in to re-up and you get a shot. ... - "Remember that shit I sold you last week? That shit that had you get in touch with your inner child." - "Yeah, you got more of that shit?" - "Nah, I got some better shit. This shit will get you in touch with your grandma. Your actual grandma." - "Word?" - "Hell yeah. Best part, it's free." - "Yooooo, my man with the hook up!" - "You know I got you."

I heard some wild stories coming out of Brazil. It's the wild west down there.

"Seagrams gin, proud to be America's spirit, since always." You don't have to drink what George Washington drank. He had wooden teeth.

He could have a regular pussy, it's fine.

You kept sending me unsolicited dough pics

I was talking to my guy and it came up. Apparently he, and everyone he knows in the game, is fully vaccinated. 🤯 We need to gather more information first, but if this ends up being an established trend in the narco world, people need to know. Fuck the mandates, fuck Fauci, get on the news and tell everybody the drug dealers are vacced up and watch the difference in the response. You're not going to get the Aaron Rodgers of the world, but who cares, the millionaires can take care of themselves. Your boy down the street on the other hand. Suddenly, the jab will have credibility.