Cause of death? Heart disease, or simply just not giving a fuck.
Most likely murder, though.
Also, I thought your dumb ass was getting the fuck away from here? I guess that was bullshit, too. Just like the tits.
Realistically, ANY vacuum will do. I recommend bagless ones for pets. You don't have to spend that much. The one I use is like $45. The belts cost more than the fucking vacuum.
I recommend a shopvac, honestly, you can do wet and dry that way.