Virtual Satyr

Unhinged tweets never let me down

Since some asshat with my name had to go and kill a couple of girls, it's him I have to deal with now. And of course, not just on Google. Last year, when I was in the ICU getting treated for an infection, the nurse asked me if I had anything in common with the guy other than our names. I told her "of course not. I wouldn't have been caught."

Still avoids stepping on cracks to not inflict spinal damage to their mother.

Created a Looney Tunes character known as "Adolph Aardvark." It failed miserably.

I'll probably watch it out of a despicable need to satisfy my curiosity, but after falling asleep during Dominion in the theater, I'm not going to rush it.

There's a post on FB announcing Hugh Laurie has been cast as Dumbledore. The post then goes on to explain this is for a new batch of audiobooks they are releasing alongside the HBO reboot. I went to the comments and, of course, I found people saying they can't wait to see House playing Dumbledore or being confused since John Lithgow was already cast. There would be so much less confusion in this world if people learned how to fucking read.

Someone in Seinfrld group I'm in on FB suggested I change my name to O.J.

Had to go to the pharmacy to pick up my back pain medicine. Gave the pharmacist my name and heard an audible gasp from the person behind me. You see, I share the same name with a man who was recently found guilty of murdering 2 girls in a town near mine. This kind of encounter has happened several times. I think it's hilarious.

The best toppings for a pizza.

I am a Golden God Emperor of Dune!

Stopped Weird Al from making a parody of "Pumped Up Kicks" called "Plump Dumb Chicks."

Tuna Noodle Casserole!

At Walmart I: Do my own checkout and bagging. Have helped numerous people get stuff of the top shelves. Have more than once helped somebody make a decision on what to buy. Have been compelled by my mild OCD to put misplaced items back to their right spot. I really do deserve an employee discount there.