The_annoying_one

Is secretly a vampire.

I let somebody talk me into going out to eat with them. Mashed potatoes that tasted like instant, baked beans, asparagus (never been a fan), and the best rack of ribs I’ve had in a long time. Only problem was the family at the next table letting their kids zero in and completely terrorize me while they just sat back and laughed.

Thinking about what to do when all I feel like doing is absolutely nothing.

Helped Subway come up with the “$5 Foot Long” promotion.

Just went in my bathroom to find water all over the floor and a loose pipe under the sink. I’m not a plumber and all the ones I’ve looked up are closed for the weekend. Fuck.

Has released a collection of video tapes showcasing the many uses of a Shop-Vac.

I’ve been using Harry’s for a while now. Highly recommend them.

My sister and her family showed up at my house with a bunch of pizzas as a thanks for me watching their kids yesterday afternoon. Can’t complain about free food but I have not been in people mode at all today. Might just go to bed early.

Wants to take a stab at flying a real plane just because he’s put a lot of hours in GTA flight school.

I’m right there with you on shaving and clipping my nails. I’ll still shave 2 or 3 times a week to avoid the itch and fuzzy feeling. But I let my nails grow out way too long before I remember to do anything about them.

Justin Timberlake thanked him during his acceptance speech for his first Grammy.

Has an entire scrapbook filled with gold stars awarded for participation.

My heater has two settings: low and high. Low means I still freeze and high feels like I’m burning alive.

Knows exactly how many oats are supposed to come in a standard container of Quaker Instant Oatmeal.

Chicken salad sandwich & Doritos because it’s too cold to order anything and fuck cooking. I just wanna go to bed.

Leaves every room by saying “Th-th-th-th-that’s all, folks!”

Solves every problem with a strongly-worded angry letter.

Plots elaborate revenge against spam callers and bots.

I just woke up within the past hour from a nap that lasted almost four hours. Is it bedtime yet?

Hope I can catch a quick nap before all hell breaks loose later this afternoon.

Went on a months-long search for the Highway To Hell after listening to AC/DC.