schmahxgn Posted September 30, 2018 Posted September 30, 2018 So a pimp and one on of his ladies Are tallying up a John's tab for the evening. The "working girl" pulls out a calculator,and the pimp just stands around waiting.The client asks the pimp, "Aren't you going to check her numbers to make sure everything is correct?" To which the pimp replies, "I suck at math; it's the THOT that counts." 1 1 3
TrigunBebop Posted September 30, 2018 Posted September 30, 2018 What's a balloon's favorite candy? A Blow Pop >_> 2 1
schmahxgn Posted September 30, 2018 Author Posted September 30, 2018 1 minute ago, TrigunBebop said: What's a balloon's favorite candy? A Blow Pop >_> Gay dads, blow pops, another sucker. Oedipus was the 1st motherfucker 1
MasqueradeOverture Posted September 30, 2018 Posted September 30, 2018 What does a baby sound like in a microwave? Idk, I was too busy masturbating. 1
Mini_ghost420 Posted September 30, 2018 Posted September 30, 2018 you want to tell jokes? ~sets SCP-504 on table~ tell that tomato a joke 1
schmahxgn Posted September 30, 2018 Author Posted September 30, 2018 3 minutes ago, Mini_Ghost said: you want to tell jokes? ~sets SCP-504 on table~ tell that tomato a joke The current political ecosystem of the United States of America. 2
Mini_ghost420 Posted September 30, 2018 Posted September 30, 2018 Just now, schmahxgn said: The current political ecosystem of the United States of America. you saved yourself because that's actually funny
schmahxgn Posted October 1, 2018 Author Posted October 1, 2018 (edited) The police were investigating a murder at a convent .The police questioned the mother superior And she told them that all the other nuns had murdered sister Teresa Because she was smoking meth, whoring herself out to get said meth, embezzling money from the church, and selling assault rifles to Colombian drug cartels. The detective working on the case said, "Oh dear lord, that's horrendous." to which the mother superior replied, "On the contrary; we broke a bad habit." Edited October 1, 2018 by schmahxgn
schmahxgn Posted October 1, 2018 Author Posted October 1, 2018 In Great Britain, there was a zombie outbreak that only affected the women. As a result of the epidemic, All the women perished, communications ceased entirely in and out of England, and all trade and travel to and from the country was cut for 10 years. After 10 years a message from Great Britain finally reached United States. The message said "We've not known a woman's touch nor good tea for so long, please send THOTs and Pu'ers"
SwimModSponges Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 So a zookeeper is having trouble with his dolphins; they were behaving very badly. He talked to his friend, another zookeeper who had the same problem, but fixed it. In order to more closely replicate the dolphin's natural home, he put some juvenile seagulls in with the dolphins and they calmed right down. So the zookeeper takes his advice, gets the birds, and heads back to the dolphin exhibit. He decided to take a shortcut across the lion exhibit, since they had just been fed and would be napping. He got through safely, but was immediately arrested. Transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immoral porpoises. That joke is not mine; I wish it were because it is beautiful. But I read it online about a decade ago and it really struck me as a piece of art. 1
discolé monade Posted October 1, 2018 Posted October 1, 2018 a guy and his girlfriend go to a urologist. the guy says to the urologist my girlfriend wants me to have a bigger dick, so what can you do for me? the urologist says we have many options, this one's a 4 inch, this one is a 6 inch, and we have this new experimental one that is a baby elephant nose, and it's 18 inches and prehensile, and the guy says 'oh absolutely not!' and the girlfriend says 'hell yes!' so the the guy gets the surgery, and everything goes fine. several months later he's eating dinner at his girlfriends house and the whole family is sitting at the table. as a plate of potatoes is passed by him, her mother sees something snake out quickly and grab a potato and go back under the table. the mother asks 'what was that, and can you do it again?' he smiles and says 'i'm pretty sure i can do it, but i don't know if can fit another potato in my ass'. ta dum dum tsssss
schmahxgn Posted October 1, 2018 Author Posted October 1, 2018 This is not a joke, per say. however, it made me laugh my ass off for 20 minutes Spoiler
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