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UnevenEdge

Literally the worst thing I've ever watched


SlappyKincaid

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Netflix called it "anime" so I'm also referring to it that way, even though I think it's likely just "anime-style", regardless, I watched this yesterday and went in with low expectations, and oh lord could I have been still so unprepared...

It's being featured prominently on Netflax for some reason, it's just called "Godzilla" and it's subtitle is "planet of the monsters" or something, and also "part 1".  I expected it to not be very good, but I said, "Maybe I'll be surprised..."

It's like and hour and change long, and the premise is Godzilla and the rest of the godzilla-universe kaiju all rose up at once and basically destroyed humanity, and the survivors went into space and using the theory of relativity, fucked around in space for like 10 years their time, with the thought that it would be some other longer time on earth, allowing the planet to recover and the kaiju's to go back to sleep or die or whatever.

The criteria for getting to be on the space ark must have been based on levels of egdelord angst and/or "bad anime" stereotypes, because everyone is awful.  The main character is angst-ier than Shinji from Evangelion if he listened to Korn 24 hours a day, and is the worst voice over-actor I've ever seen in a long time.  The amount of overacting is nuts, it's so ridiculous, and that the dialogue is ass as well doesn't help.  I can't even believe I sat through the whole thing, but it was like someone found a lost episode of something, and then translated it into a language they didn't fully understand.

You could play "bad anime trope bingo", or a drinking game, and be fucking done before the halfway mark, before godzilla even shows up outside of the flashback in the very beginning.

Dialogue is awful and really boring.  Everything is bathed in blue light.  There are barely any other colors besides blue and gray.  The main character is terrible and has terrible lines.  The other main character is the stereotypical "blonde pretty boy with a soft monotone voice, who is sort of a secret bad guy", and also he's a religious fanatic and an alien for some reason.  Every other character is like they took a checklist of "earth-escape space anime cliche characters".

The action scenes are few and far between, and very short when they do happen.  I still can't even believe I sat through the whole thing.  It was riding the line between "oh wow this is so bad, everyone needs to see it so we can talk about how bad it is" and "holy fuck, this is literally aids cancer, and I am ashamed that I wasted precious minutes of my life watching it" for most of the movie, and then during the first godzilla battle, it fell off that line into aids cancer territory.

Fucking hell, people made money off of this, and if netflix DOESN'T have people that they pay to leave positive reviews, then I'm a superhero millionaire astronaut with a flying car and a superhot wife.

This was an abortion to godzilla and to anime.  The Matthew Broderick "godzilla" from the 90s had more redeeming qualities than this.

I don't want anyone else to suffer through this, but at the same time I almost need to know if anyone else has watched this so I can share my pain.

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10 hours ago, scope said:

Land of the Lustrous was sick this year.

The statement that all CG anime is bad used to be true, but is becoming less and less so.

As much as I hate to admit it, just like it already happened in Hollywood, CGI in anime is getting closer and closer to matching the quality of hand-drawn animated movement. :(

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1 hour ago, elfie said:

As much as I hate to admit it, just like it already happened in Hollywood, CGI in anime is getting closer and closer to matching the quality of hand-drawn animated movement. :(

None of that matters if the writing and the dialogue is diarrhea dogshit, though

Edited by SlappyKincaid
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On 1/24/2018 at 11:47 AM, imchapp.in said:

Screenplay by Gen Urobuchi.

Yup, that sounds about right. The Knights of Syndonia money must've come in handy to bring him on board for an edgy Godzilla movie.

Also, this is the first in three planned movies, so get ready for the sequel this May! 

nah, I think I'm good.  What's he gonna do?  Have another 2 hours of people talking in a blue room, and one of them is mad about godzilla?  And then godzilla stands in a field not moving except for his head now and then like a chuckie cheese robot?

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35 minutes ago, naraku360 said:

flat,800x800,070,f.u3.jpg

 

 

the show later retconned it that Steven is never going to age outside of growing facial hair, so his current canonical adult appearance is going to be this

Steven_Universe.png

but with five-o-clock shadow

I'm not kidding, the episode "Steven's Birthday" has his dad tell Connie that steven hasn't gotten any older since he turned 8 years old (He's currently 14)

Edited by mochi
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