Skiles

I quote this line a lot in my life.

I get ads for dresses and skirts. I hardly ever wear dresses and skirts!

Masturbating to child porn somewhere, I assume.

Someone's been lurking on page 6.

Well, if you got some naturally fucked up teeth, I don't know what to tell you. But "brush your shit on the regs and floss" is never bad advice.

Not sure. I'm definitely friends with AstroCreep on Facebook. That's the only truly old person I'm friends with. Saddy is definitely not old, but she feels old to me because she has like 74 kids.

I dunno, man. I feel like if you brush twice a day and floss at least once most days, you're doing alright.

DarbyBoy is world-renowned actor Danny Trejo, duh.

I chewed holes into the sleeves and necks of my shirts from age 5 to about, oh, 26. I also still chew my fingernails.

Yeah, so let's never talk about that one time I called you DarbyBoy in bed. <.<

I can't even imagine having so much stuff that packing is an entire ordeal. When I helped my mom move many years ago, I was like "How do you have so much shit?" Even now, I can carry all of my worldly belongings in three, maybe four bags.

Every time I post anything ever, I'm like, "This is a lot of words for what I'm trying to get across." Then I hit "submit" and forget all about it until the next time I post.

It's possible I'm friends with her on Facebook, but I've long since forgotten which irl names coincide with the ASMB user. You are all strangers to me.

I occasionally have dreams that my nephew is in danger, and I always wake up in a minor panic. Then I remember he doesn't even live here, and is only ever here when I'm awake and helping baby-sit him. So my panic subsides and I'm reminded of why I will never have children.

Mmmmm... Bleach cheese...

I was fortunate to find one shelter that was actually pretty nice (for a homeless shelter), and fed us super well. But I didn't find it until nearly a year of being on and off the street. So I still developed an insane level of resourcefulness.

Not a ton. But my weight went from a healthy 135 to a super not healthy 125. I actually lost some weight but I got physically fatter. Fast food is fucking terrible for you.

Aw, that's a bummer... She was a really kind and sweet person, by all accounts.

Fast food is your friend. You won't eat three square meals a day by any means, but fast food is filling enough that two dollar-meal cheeseburgers around mid-day will do ya. One trick is to procure a large soda cup, and continue to use it, rather than buy one every meal. You gotta be sneaky about it though, because they would much rather not let you do that. But the few times I got caught, you can just tell them you're broke as shit, and they get it. They don't pay fast food workers enough to stop you from getting a free beverage. But don't use cups from a different place. Use a McDonald's cup at McDonald's. Because otherwise they will be like "Hey man, you can't do that. C'mon now." I realize this whole post makes me sound like a scumbag, but hey, when you're homeless, you gots to do what you gots to do.

Nice. Chyna was the shit back in the day. The stuff she did with Eddie Guerrero was some of the best stuff on wrestling TV at the time.

For example, I learned how to live comfortably on an incredibly small amount of money. If you hand me a $20 bill and say "Live on that for a week," I'll see you next week with change in my pocket.

The only streaming services I use are Netflix and the WWE Network. And I really only use Netflix for stand-up comedy, and cartoons for my nephew. WWE Network is great for watching old-school wrestling, which I do, because I'm a sweaty internet mark who uses insider terms like I have any credibility to do so. I'm considering getting Crunchyroll as well. But I don't know yet.

Along with knowing what fits me, I also don't use them because ew. Other people put that shit on, and you don't know what kind of hygiene those fuckers have (or don't have). That's like grabbing a shirt out of a stranger's dirty clothes hamper and putting it on. Only a maniac would do that. Take it home and wash it first.

I love that song! "I don't practice Santeria, I ain't got no crystal ball, I've seen a million faces, and I've ROCKED 'EM ALL!!" Def Leppard is great, man.

It's hard to explain my thinking on this, but I'll try. Here's some of the things I find funny about them. They have thick, often muscly torsos, and really skinny legs. The way they trot is really silly to me. I like that they all have mullets. They spit at people. Males have huge dicks, and sometimes they get boners for the whole dang world to see. Miniature horses = INSTANT comedy. When they're born, they just plop out and start walking around like "OH FUCK I GUESS I'M OUT HERE NOW HOLY SHIT."