Vamped

The same way anybody gets anywhere ... bribes or blow jobs

I just can't have nice things. This is my first new car because the other two cars I had were in bad shape and I ended up spending a bunch of money in repairs so I was like ... well fuck it I'll show you guys. He claims he didn't see it. He also doesn't have insurance

No idea. I'm still at work.

This is a new one. I got it in September. Then I parked it in my parent's drive way and my step dad hit my back bumpter IN the drive way

is it clearer now? That was my panic brain

I slipped really bad when I was my fancy apartment in midtown. So ... bad my glasses flew off and skidded across the parkinglot. Luckily they bounced off a tire and didn't fall over into the lot below.

My car is making this weird noise when I back into parking spaces. Last night when I left work I drove into this puddle ... well it was standing water. It was pretty deep so I stopped and turned around but I'm afraid I might have messed up something. I pulled back out and drove around the parkinglot ... didn't hear anything so I guess I'll test it again when I leave. Hopefully its just a rock or something caught up in there

Thats too racy ... fall asleep to MASH

They were about to demonstrate some sandblowing art. It just caught me off guard

Im sorry ill loan you my night light

My freshman year of college i was going to be antisocial in the library and a monk popped out of the mens bathroom .... and i was just like ... so this is college

Close the door. I cant sleep with an open closet door. I used to believe ET was in my closet

Thats why they're boring to me.

..... it looks like theres a ghost in your closet

You know the drill .... boring old married people sex directly after the news weather recap for exactly 6 mins. Set the alarm and go to sleep by 10:30pm at the latest

Do your boobs hurt? If your boobs hurt then you're definitely pregnant

Is trying to make it big in the fashion industry

We all have responsibilities now

Yeah ... she's become such a kiss ass lately

Probably just from the weather change. It snowed Friday and it was like 13 degrees all weekend. Its 65 degrees right now

accepts ass as payment, within 90 days same as cash

grape

works in a sex dungeon on the weekends ... mostly on the clean up crew

is all 5 of those love interests

I did ... looks like it got misdelivered lemme call customer service real quick