Grandpa- You're worthless as tits on a boar pig.
Grandma- As we age, we slip further into madness; a burden unto others until we die.
Grandpa- No matter what horrible things you do in your life, if you have enough money to travel out west, start a horse ranch, and become a Jehovah's Witness, everything you do will work out.
Grandma- You will be stuck in the world of manual labor all your life; it will destroy you body and leave you with nothing but the barest means of survival.