nameraka

so, since none of you are actually russian trolls, it's safe for me to say that putin has a very punchable face. you won't tell him right? no chance of me getting poisoned...

you can be honest. i don't work for the NSA.

you're too late. he got fired last week.

i had to pee like halfway through. i held it.

idk i thought that part was undercut a bit by the revelation that chewie had been a cylon all along.

idk what tastes like gallows humor and crippling self awareness? liver? let's go with liver.

wow. you were all right...

There now...

Don't spoil it.

Just kidding.

i have a coworker who is straight up obsessed with roxette. it's weird.

In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... when my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out! but the worst thing I ever done: I mixed up all this fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. And I never felt so bad in my entire life!

i've noticed that people tend to do stupid things because they are, in fact, stupid.

me, but it was supposed to be delivered back in august...

wow. somebody's being kind of a grinch.

do you do money?

for money to buy christmas drugs?

only with masks and guns.

you read my mind...

i have. many times. always exactly 25 years later. just to mess with them.

it's trying to help you get better at chess?

well it's 5am now. fat lot of help you people were.

oh. also i don't know how to read.

i need to fall asleep. now. how do make that happen?