nameraka

i'm a firm believer in people feeling completely comfortable before coming forward with their sexuality. i don't feel comfortable outing him like that. now seriously, where is he?

Heartburn

Waits patiently for you to ask questions

Holy shit! What the hell did we do with Steve then?

Are you sure? I always thought Steve was straight... Also that doesn't answer my question.

And what have you done with Steve?

married someone 4 years younger also the youngest i ever dated if i wasn't married... maybe ten years either direction? unless i was a vampire. then it wouldn't matter. also, i wouldn't pay taxes. because, fuck that. i'm a goddamn vampire.

i mean you can't just drink crystal pepsi without training you could die...

uh. because you all need the training?

uh well here's the crystal pepsi employee training video, so...

nothing. that's the problem.

it's not whether i win or lose...

i get choked up every time i watch this.

Do any of said reports include death? 'cause the flu can give you that...

Fudgemuppet

i don't know. but it sure as fuck isn't ironic.

who do you love? are you for sure?

Your momma. Wait... that’s kind of a complement isn’t it? Shit. I suck at this.

Oddly, my part time job is in a distribution center. They blast the music. There are a surprising number of injuries...

someone needs to stage an intervention for it.

expert in passive aggression, snark, and i throw one hell of a backhanded compliment.

So you people don’t have jobs where they force you to listen one of the 972 iterations of clear channel playing the same 30 songs over and over and over until you want to fucking off yourself? Well how nice for you.

santa had a bad year and needed a side gig.