Poof

Thank you Jackie. I'm sure those things for sex workers and trans will happen someday. Idk if I can rise above anything anymore tho. Honestly, maybe if I had the right drugs but I'm simply not keeping up w/my shit. Then it's like a snowball effect. Like I can't afford my drugs and I don't work to be able to get them. Then I don't want to do anything even fun things. And I start hurting myself as a substitute bc it stops me from crying. I have to leave here in 2 months too and idk where I'm going yet. Thats another thing I hate. I hate moving so much. I have options but it's not going to be easy.

It's like there's nothing inside me but hate sadness and anger

exactly !

you might be you don't know yet

all the greats have done it on the street. either thru hardship or choice. it doesn't get more pure than that

It's like 100 different reasons. Some obvious. Like how I am. I hate having a dick and looking like I do. I hate how expensive it is to fix everything. I hate how none of my family cares about me and won't do a thing to help me. I hate how I got punched and my jaw/teeth still hurt sometimes. I hate all the bad memories I have. And I hate how it's all politicized now so I can't even get thru the day without thinking about it and so many ppl are saying terrible things about trans ppl all the time now. I hate that the beautiful talented amazing rapper I met won't ever look at me as more than a fetish experience even tho we click so much and he admits it. That's probably the obvious stuff. Less obvious probably is how the world is now. I still hate how the dvd I made and had producer credit on didn't make like any money despite the scenes being viewed like millions of times now. I've never bothered with another. There's no point. Nobody respects pornstars. And I get that. But nowadays ppl respect people who do even less than us. Ppl who fucking play videogames all day or bitch about things on social media. Ppl are like "Oh we need to support these content creators" but then they're still like "lol don't pay for porn" and the sentiment carries over to my actual work. Like ppl are so fucking entitled. They want me to do so much for free and call me a bitch or worse if I don't send them free shit on snapchat. And I wish I liked taking selfies and having a following. I don't really like it. I wish I could be like the other girls who bask in it and just love it. I don't even know what it is. I like doing scenes. I like performing. I just haaaate fucking interacting and being all smiley on social media and shit. I wish I had a smaller dick honestly. It wasn't as bad before porn. I presented myself differently and I was in control of the shows so I'd do more bottoming stuff. After the porn, where they presented me as just like huge cock bitch, it's like at least 70% demand I do that shit on cam. Whereas before it was probably reversed. idk

Everything is always negotiable

Back when I liked food I ate lots of healthy fish. But now I want to punish my stupid physical body and make it suffer. I want to feel it start to die

I have nothing but I got my T-blocker pills again so I'll be done w/my tranny PMS now... after a short acclimation period of about a day where it will get much worse before it gets better

Yes! Like that

That's ok. Idk if anybody outside the boards or [as] really likes me

I only look good when I'm sickly. That's what I'm aiming for. That and the catharsis

No! The food is a lie. This time I mean it. I'm going to will myself to live off sunlight air and water. Like a plant

Let the hate flow thru u

Ew I hate that industry plant biiiiiitchhhhh. I want to cut open her stomach and steal all her vegetables

I don't like you anymore...

You seem awfully chipper lately

I run off sadness

^ She gets it

I'm going to have water and ice for dinner tonight

it's a conspiracy

no!

there there

where the trust fund at?

Idk if it'd be very filling