GuyBeardmane

Whores are like vampires. Once they're invited in, they can materialize inside your house at anytime.

I wish I had a jean jacket.

hothothothothothothothothot

I'm a sucker for a lady when she calls me "50 feet, mother fucker."

Put it on a chain and wear it as jewelry or use it as a weapon.

AAAUUUUGhhhhh Sorry, I've just never been told to shoot sperm like that. I've discovered something new about myself.

I get that from my mom, but the opposite. "I need a grandbaby" "You have four, mom." "Well one that'll carry on the family name." "Your oldest granddaughter has our last name." "But I want you to give me grandkids." "No, I can't afford it and there's no one in my life I wanna knock up."

I'm sorry. But at the same time that means there's only ONE uncle you have to avoid at family gatherings.

That's Uncle Grabby Hands. Drunkle is a completely different uncle.

Oughta try eating five dozen eggs a day.

He was a sk8er boi.

Try jerking off with the other hand. It's weird at first, but after some practice you'll be spanking it ambidextrously and then you can brag about it to all your friends like I do. That's why I'm never invited out anywhere.

When they go digging through dirt and and stuff with their nose. Usually at the roots of trees. Looking for truffles and shit.

nice

If they were capable of offspring, the resulting cub would be adorbs.

Like, the video is bad. Pretty damn bad. But Christopher Lee singing metal is goddamned amazing.

MORE KITTY <3 <3 <3

Could be. There's a lot of layers. Like onions.

Roadhouse IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR HOUSE

Gonna throw up. Ham Mullet.