Doom Metal Alchemist

I'm sure you were wearing a mask so you could've said, "Maybe I"m ugly... maybe I'm the hottest guy you've ever happened across.... but you'll never know."

A girl I've never seen before with very pretty eyes (the rest covered with a mask) sat down "across from" me at work in the breakroom last night (at another table, as close to across from me could get due to social distancing). I wished she got something to eat or drink like everyone else does at break so I could see the rest of her face, but alas.... No, I did not talk to her. Chances are very low I'll ever see her again.

I think you guys are missing the point of my protesting here.... "she's interested" and "you're friendzoned" are mutually exclusive, aren't they? How will it ONLY work on someone who is interested AND I'm in the friendzone with if there's no such thing as being SIMULTANEOUSLY friendzoned and her being interested? It's one or the other, not both, even if one after the other with the same person. And another point of my protesting is if she's interested already why would I use a corny line and not be genuine? THIS WAS A JOKE THREAD, DAMMIT

But then I'll have to give her milk too.... what if I have cookies but no milk????

I'll pull a Robot Chicken Dick Cheney and just start saying "Go fuck yourself" to every retail employee.

Not doubting you, but technically I don't think Dracula X was ever released on SNES. At best it was released on the Super Famicom (which I guess is close enough for this book). I know it was released on PC Engine though (Japanese version of Turbo Graphix 16). Oh wait, am I thinking of Rondo of Blood? Or is that the same game? Bah, confusing shit.

For a second I thought you wrote 'pizza' in a New York accent.

Yup. My thoughts were he's kawaii desu anime Toucan Sam.

What's with these titles / captions / whatever... Smooched by a vampire? Destroyers of rice balls? I never actually beat Castlevania, but I doubt the ending involved Simon Belmont and Dracula making out. Oh wait this is SNES, and I did beat Castlevania IV... I definitely don't remember Simon and Dracula making out.

Was Hi-C considered juice? I thought it was more like Kool-Aid.

Das racist.... but with an extra 'p'... and towards the wrong people...

And damn how do you piss off a customer so bad they call you ugly. In all the times I've overheard angry customers yell at the store employees I've never heard that one. I've never had much customer facing jobs myself, but the one I did have, I was terrible at in part because I was so terrified of angering the (potential) client (I.E. being persistent and rebutting their refusals to buy with reasons why they should buy anyway).

"Your taste in video games is infantile."

I barely drink milk anymore. I try to have mostly water to drink, with some soda to treat myself. If I decide to have coffee, I'll put whatever milk my parents buy to put in it, which is regular ol' whole cow milk. I don't eat cereal so I got nothing there.

Gotta get that obligatory salad in there with all your artery clogging, diabetes giving junk food to not make you feel like a huge fatty. 😜

I feel this is extremely universal and by no means limited to seniors.

Also it's Rudolph's head. ......I never saw the Godfather.

The musical fruit.

What have I posted here makes you think I have any fucking idea how any of this happens? 😆😭

But what if I just ask this person out in a more natural way? Again, the way my brains works, is if I'm in the friendzone, doesn't that by default mean she isn't interested? Also my reply to buddy.

The way my brains works is, if someone is already interested in me, why would I need a cheesy pick-up line?

I know everyone's commenting on the squirrel, but I'm more interested in the what looks like Attack on Titan cosplay.

So hold on... are you guys saying, that it's not a good line to use on a stranger, but could work on someone I already know? BTW I wasn't planning on ACTUALLY using this... I'm not a pick-up line guy.

I think I got it... I like all things sweet. Cookies, candy, ice cream and those sweet, sweet tits.

I'm a boob man though.