Reeling from a breakup

[Real_AirCooledGirl]

Late last month, "Charlotte" dumped me. We had been together for four months. I had told her I loved her and she has trouble saying that phrase back. Says she has baggage over the death of her wife. Off and on, I've been crying a lot because of it. Last time I saw her was at a meeting with our trans group. She came up with the idea of discussing dating within the LGBTQ+ community at that meeting. When the conversation came to me, I passed. I would have broken down crying if I'd said anything. At the same time, I wish I had said anything, even if to call Charlotte out without using her name. She's had ten years to grieve, mourn, and move on from the loss of her wife; why would she have any problems committing now? Why would she still be afraid of losing another lover the way she lost her? Meanwhile, I'm afraid I'll never find another girl like her. Afraid to be single forever. I'd rather be with her than be single. And if not her, then who? Was I just a summer fling to her? I had seen Charlotte as a potential long-term lover, a potential wife, even. And then she goes and casts me aside like moldy pizza.

Charlotte isn't without her flaws, though. She's chronically late to everything. All our date nights were late at night and I often had to wait upward of two hours for her to arrive (She lives across the state line in Maryland and it does NOT take two hours to make a one-hour drive either way). I was always the punctual one in the relationship. I don't know if it's her upbringing, something to do with having ADD, something else, or what. I had noticed she'd become less affectionate with me sometime in September. It coincided with her starting a new job. It felt like she was trying to push me away.

This is the first relationship I've ever been in as myself. I'm scared to be single forever. I don't want to end up as that woman with only a parrot and no wife to call my own. I'm 36 and not getting any younger.

[Insipid]

Maybe she just was never that into you.

Also, I think you're a masochist, but whatever. I'll be civil.

[Real_AirCooledGirl]

16 minutes ago, Insipid said:

Maybe she just was never that into you.

Also, I think you're a masochist, but whatever. I'll be civil.

We had been together for four months. The night of our first date, Charlotte told me she had a crush on me from the moment we first met. Another night out, we were making out on the beach and she said she wanted us to last. But for her to break up with me, it makes me feel like I was lied to.

[Insipid]

2 minutes ago, Real_AirCooledGirl said:

We had been together for four months. The night of our first date, Charlotte told me she had a crush on me from the moment we first met. Another night out, we were making out on the beach and she said she wanted us to last. But for her to break up with me, it makes me feel like I was lied to.

Does she show up late to the LGBTQ meetings though?

[Real_AirCooledGirl]

3 minutes ago, Insipid said:

Does she show up late to the LGBTQ meetings though?

She does, but not to all of them. Our group is scattered all over the Delmarva Peninsula with a few meetings a month. She mostly attends the ones in Maryland (Read: Salisbury, just over the state line with DE). Other groups are a bit more of a hike for her, more so the further north they are.

[Insipid]

1 hour ago, Real_AirCooledGirl said:

She does, but not to all of them. Our group is scattered all over the Delmarva Peninsula with a few meetings a month. She mostly attends the ones in Maryland (Read: Salisbury, just over the state line with DE). Other groups are a bit more of a hike for her, more so the further north they are.

Well I dunno then. At least you got a relationship experience since you've become trans now. It's a step up from the unrequited love you had for your doctor. Just think about the positives, accept that your time with Charlotte is now over, and move on. I know it's easier said than done, but it's best to avoid unnecessary heartache.

[André Toulon]

I like how you know exactly how long grief takes and kudos to you for not falling for that "I'm sad and don't ever want to feel this pain again" bullshit

You're you ...doesn't she know that.

[Vamped]

Sorry that you're hurting but you need to be comfortable being by yourself. Be fulfilled in your own right.

 

From my outside perspective, seems pretty unfair to be waiting on a date for 2 hours. That seems real inconsiderate if I actually cared about this other person's feelings. 

 

Also ... four months isn't that long really. Dating is one thing and being in a relationship is another. I don't know how long y'all were friends before dating but saying I love you in 4 months might have been too quick for her. 

[scoobdog]

Ten years isn’t necessarily long enough to get over a lost significant others.

[Poofy]

You committed your first t4t

[StarPanda]

4 months is way too soon to say I love you to anyone no matter the situation 

[Mix]

 

[Real_AirCooledGirl]

On 11/17/2022 at 7:00 PM, StarPanda said:

4 months is way too soon to say I love you to anyone no matter the situation 

It was going to come out at some point.

And now here I am, single during the holidays. I had hoped to, among other things, have a steady girlfriend to spend the holidays with. While I've been hanging out with this other girl, "Kylie", I still have trouble letting go of my feelings for Charlotte. Kylie and I have gone to board game nights hosted by our trans group. And we've also hit bars for karaoke and drinks. A couple beers in me and I'll belt out anything.