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I remember in my prep class, they asked us what motivates us


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Everyone in class had good answers, working to help their family, working hard to get a good job, or some other reasonable answer.

And I remember thinking, "Nothing motivates me". And then I remembered that my hatred for my family motivated me to work hard and hatred for myself for being weak in the past, but I couldn't necessarily say that out loud, >__> so at the time, I sad "Working hard to prove others wrong".

But I've been like really hating camo guy lately, like I can't even stand how much of a jerk he is. Like after I confronted last week, I went home and solved 3 problems from the project that weekend while he did none. Flash forward to yesterday, and I was in extreme pain and couldn't finish the last problem due for the extra credit deadline. He got upset, which just made me hate him even more, long story short, I had an engineer friend in my student housing that helped me finish it.

But today, I knocked half of our lab assignment in 2 hours just because I'm so fucking mad at him. 🤣 I just don't want to pass this class, I want to fucking humiliate him. I thought I was bad at understanding CS, but now that I'm back on my energetic anti depressants, I feel WAAAAAY more focus than I have my whole time here at this school. I want to do better on the midterm just to rub it in his face, I want to rise above this guy, and honestly, nothing motivates me more than hatred for those who undervalue me. 

Maybe that's why I love Regina from Once upon a time so much! 🤣


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