Trunks Thread 19.1: A New New Frontier

[EmpressAngel]

Lazarus is fun and that's all that matters.

Lazarus- Don't do drugs, kids. I don't trust Popcorn Wizard. FAT CAT SIGHTING. I give it five minutes before Axel does something stupid but awesome. Yes hello we're just normal cleaners here to clean. Your old boss retired to give handjobs on the street, shouldn't be that hard to find. It's fine, Homeless Jerry is here to help. Jill is cute. Aww, that's sweet. I'd take a bullet for Jill, zero questions asked. Ooooh you just know there's some anti-woke douchebag making a Youtube video about this as we speak. This guy looks uncannily like an anime version of my high school biology teacher. Axel is either about to go bankrupt from basketball or swindle that boy for everything he has, there's nothing in between. Istanbul is Constantinople, you know. We gotta track down Granny Belinda for her recipes. Great job kid you don't stand out at all. CHEESE IT. Aw yeah the smooth jazz is starting we're in for some fun. Aww that little girl's adorable. He said the secret word! Well Boruto just got his hand chopped off, so we could be doing better. Gorge on your snacks now because we're all gonna die in a month. I'd die for you, Granny. I love Axel there are no brain cells in that skull of his. We just found a clue!

Exorcist- He's just barfing up a gallon of blood, that's probably fine. Surprise, your grandpa's a senile old dick. Meanwhile Mephisto's just here having a good time. Yukio is real dumb in this arc. Huh, guess you should have learned to control your powers too. Hey guys maybe you shouldn't have opened a portal directly into hell. No seriously what is the deal with Puppet Kid. "Hey kiddo, I fucked your mom." Double surprise, your grandpa's even more of a senile old dick! She was busy playing with the Animal Crossing snowmen. So anyway, I started blasting.  "After he killed my entire team, I decied to hang out and see how it'd go." Kids, your mom was really fucking stupid. Yeah, crazy how "I fucked Satan and he isn't so bad" didn't go over well with the church. This all could have been avoided if you'd taught that girl about condoms. And then she died, Star Wars style. So are y'all just gonna ignore that priests and cardinals aren't allowed to have kids either? We're gonna have to put Yukio down like a dog.

One Piece- God bless Zoro and his complete inability to think anything through. Pica's voice, still hilarious. Oh right, the marines are here to get in the way. Maybe should have evacuated the roof before you called him over to squash you, my dude. I hope that big guy can aim for the right direction because Zoro sure as hell can't. You're all very nice but very very dumb. These insults would hurt a lot more if they weren't coming out of the most ridiculous voice possible. YEET. And now Zoro will read a poem for our enjoyment. He's fine I'm sure he didn't need that torso. Dividing him up like a Kitkat bar. Pay no attention to the thousands of pound of debris falling from the sky here. We've reached the Dick Measuring phase of the fight. Hey, Mihawk. Remember that time Zoro got murdered. Barto, still having the best day ever. Zoro's so cool. Oh right, we're still in mortal peril. One Punch Egg, to the rescue!

I see that title and start screaming because how the FUCK are we not done with Bellamy yet?! Mihawk is so cool. Oh that's just cruel, sir. Zoro learned haki purely to support his drinking problem. Fujitora is a good dude I wish he was my grandpa. What factory. Good job little guys I'm proud of you. Why the fuck is Trebol still here. Mansherry is so goddamn cute I love her so much. Kyros is the best. By the way, the entire kingdom's on fire. Our only hope rests on a hyperactive glutton and a man actively bleeding out of his severed arm. I love Koala so much. Boyfriend get in there and help your girlfriend! You said the magic word and now he's on the way. I'm surprised Zoro climbed up the right tower. Oh right, the giant birdcage that's gonna kill us all is still there. Fucking christ can Bellamy just die already. I...I think I might actually hate Bellamy more than Foxy. Thank fucking god we're done with him, it's an Easter miracle. Meanwhile, Law's fucking dead.

[PokeNirvash]

Protip: whenever Toei says a character is dying this episode, 9 times out of 10 they don't, really.

12:00 - Lazarus #4 - Don't Stop the Dance - TV-14LV
12:30 - Common Side Effects #9 - Cliff's Edge - TV-14LV
1:00 - Blue Exorcist #24 - Satan's Spawn - TV-14LV
1:30 - One Piece #721 - Law Dies! Luffy's Raging Onslaught! - TV-14V
2:00 - One Piece #722 - A Blade of Tenacity! The Gamma Knife Counterattack! - TV-14V
2:30 - Naruto #16 - The Broken Seal - TV-14
3:00 - Ginger Root's SHINBANGUMI: A Music Movie - TV-14

Edited April 27 by PokeNirvash

[EmpressAngel]

And it's that 1 out of 10 times that comes back to bite me in the ass!

Lazarus- I bet this hacker is a kid in a squirrel fursuit. I'm here for that cat. I see this crypto douchebro on my screen and immediately recoil in disgust. We're banking that he's into 12-year old girls. No let Axel go offscript it'll be fun. No let her drink more it'll be fun. What, you're gonna cut his arm off for his tattoo? Well let's hope the fake girl plot goes better than it did for Ginro. I hope we see these crypto douchebros die. Now that's a hell of a drink. Oh no kid you're gonna get roofied. ENHANCE. I am deeply uncomfortable with this. BEAT HIS ASS. Damn girl you doin' anything later? They are getting good use out of every dime they spent on that John Wick guy. Please tell me he's gonna jump at the helicoptor. He jumped at the helicoptor! All women hate you and that includes your autopilot. There is a machine gun strapped to the drone and I'm here for every minute of this. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. Let them die. If your parents give you a name like that's it's 100% because they hate you. Oh no, the monkeys!

Exorcist- This is the least threatening demon I've ever seen. Grandpa continues to be the biggest senile old bastard. "Hey kid, I fucked your mom." Kids you are all very stupid. And then everyone died. It's fine, Boobs will save us all. Death by enormous boobs is exactly how I want to die, don't judge me. Snaaaaake. In a surprise twist Satan's actually really strong, y'all. Shocking how trusting Satan to knock you up didn't go well. "Hey, the chick with the cans is back" is also how the Starbucks across from my work recognizes me. Old man you realze 99% of the students have no goddamn clue about all this demon bullshit, right? Shiemi, real fucking dumb til the bitter end. Hey guys have we tried just asking Satan nicely to pretty please stop? I wonder how season 2 is gonna retcon all of this in a couple weeks. TFW you're naked and restrained by dozens of soulless mini clones of yourself as you try to escape from hell. Bro you shot me! Yeah sure this is what their dipshit mom dreamed of for her children. Oh right, Satan's still here.

One Piece- God I wish Bellamy was dead. Yes I know what that title says but this is not my fault. Law is still having the worst fucking day. I refuse to believe Trebol is the second strongest member of that crew. In case you forgot, Law has never had a good day even once in his life. I miss Cora. Hey I know you were trying to kill me but instead, how about you die to make me immortal? Man, Law is hot. That's some real big talk for a guy missing one limb and half the blood in his body. Ohhh now he's mad. I like that Kanjuro's shitty, shitty ladder is still there. Yes Doflamingo is an evil bastard but he's just so cool. Please tell me Bellamy is dead. While you were busy yelling at Bellamy, Law got shot like nine times and died. Fun fact, in real life if you try to fight the flamingos the cops come and you get banned from the zoo. Ah shit, string's moving. Law you know damn well that boy cannot follow a plan, save your breath.

Remember gang, if we win then everybody gets a rimjob from the newly-disposed king. You gotta save that giant gorilla at all costs! Fuck them kids, don't trip if you don't wanna die. We have to stop this, Baby 5's got a wedding to plan. It's hella cold that he's ready to dice up his own crew over a little tantrum like this. Fuck oooooff, Trebol. Luffy's only two thoughts are FIGHT and EAT, your evil monologue is wasted here. Big deal, I've been destroying my body from the inside out with hazardous amounts of energy drinks every day for ten years. The sheer nuts you have to get shot on purpose. Meanwhile, that random henchman is absolutely fucking dead. You've got about 30 seconds before Luffy throws your plan right out the window, make it count. BEAT HIS ASS. Now somebody please execute Trebol. Yes show I get it, I'm not allowed to have nice things. Can we take a second to glue Law's arm back on real quick? I miss you Cora you were hot.

[PokeNirvash]

ZA WARUDO!

12:00 - Lazarus #5 - Pretty Vacant - TV-14LV
12:30 - Common Side Effects #10 - Raid - TV-14DLV
1:00 - Blue Exorcist #25 - Stop, Time - TV-14LV
1:30 - One Piece #723 - A Collision of Haki! Luffy vs. Doflamingo! - TV-14V
2:00 - One Piece #724 - Unassailable! The Stunning Secret of Trebol! - TV-14V
2:30 - Naruto #17 - White Past: Hidden Ambition - TV-14V
3:00 - Sailor Moon #14 - A New Enemy Appears: Nephrite's Evil Crest - TV-PGV

[EmpressAngel]

A Bleach promo? On my screen? What year is it?

Lazarus- Man it sucks that this drug is gonna kill you and didn't even get you high. Sure we could have blown the whistle on the death drugs but we wouldn't have earned as much money, so really we had no choice. Oh, it's an eyeball. Eh, I've heard worse music. Maybe Skinner was just real into shitty EDM. Y'all should know by now that Axel will run off as soon as you take your eyes off him. Plan B, seduce the security guard...oh wait no, it's have a fight. Man really just went for it. Hands up, I've got a phone and I'm not afraid to use it. My dude we're all gonna die in like three weeks who gives a shit about money. Ohhhh, so that's what the whole eyeball thing is about. Okay guys new plan, we give the entire world false hope that they won't die and just cross our fingers it works out. Axel may just wanna fuck the doctor. We've baited the hacker with unsecured files of everyone's nudes. I do not understand a word of this explanation. We're under attack from arctic seals! The call is coming from inside the house! That poor man is just shitting his guts out in the dark. Boy are you gonna be pissed when you find out it's a fake. Teens are the fucking worst. The tachikomas have betrayed us. I hope you drive off that mountain and die. You just doomed the world to die, you stupid bitch.

Exorcist- Welcome to 9th grade English class, kids. Who culd have guessed that Satan was actually an asshole the whole time. Oh hey, this douchebag's back. I do like the derpy-looking snake sword. And then everyone died. The rest of those students have gotta be totally fucking baffled over this turn of events. Now kids don't fight, you both suck. The real strongest force in this show is whatever dark magic is keeping that bikini top on those boobs. Fucking zubats everywhere. Timezone bullshit, the ultimate evil that can defeat anything. Shouldn't your giant cat also be weakened by the sunshine mirror attack? Mephisto's just out here having a great time and I respect it. I don't understand, why wouldn't my kids want to destroy the entire world they love and have grown up in? Boys, even in death your mom is still a massive fucking idiot. Hey, Shiemi finally grew a spine. Where the fuck did Puppet Kid come from. I know I read Faust back in high school but gun to my head I could not remember a single thing about it. This would be very heartwarming if their mom wasn't rockfuck stupid and almost caused an apocalypse. Do you wanna build a snowman? Your mom died because she was dumb as all fuck and she deserved it. GHOOOOSTRIDERS IN THE SKYYYYY. Rin continues to suck. Can't wait to see how they retcon all this as a bad case of carbon monoxide poisoning.

One Piece- Cora and I could have been happy together but no I'm not allowed to have nice things. God I hope Trebol dies. Just go ahead and rub that tragic backstory in real good, show. This is why everybody hates you, Doffy. Hey Luffy maybe this would have gone better if you didn't spend two months dicking around in the basement with goddamn Bellamy of all people. Ohhhh that's an angry flamingo. Neat, gross. I would much rather just outright die than have to fight Trebol. Law buddy I think you might oughta just sit the rest of this out. An unexpected win for the foot fetishists watching tonight. Now that Bellamy's out of the picture, it's Trebol's turn to be the fucking worst. I'm gonna share a hot take here and say it's probably bad to crucify and torture small children. Okay maybe Tiny Doffy was a reasonable exception to that. I like that Tiny Vergo still had the food on his face. Man that was a fucked up childhood. Careful with those forehead veins or you're gonna give yourself an aneurysm. Luffy doesn't care about your tragic backstory he's just here to punch things. We've gotta get that boy some meat or this fight will never end.

Oh god it's a Trebol episode just shoot me now. He's so fucking gross. He's not a logia he's just disgusting. You're literally covered in snot, get off your high horse. I'll get revenge thanks to the strength of my new friends and also this gun I found. Fuck off, Steven Tyler. They really put all their eggs in one flamingo basket, changed their gang name and everything. Was Pica always that short? Nah dude, a real family gets drunk and shittalks each other on Thanksgiving then doesn't see each other for six months. Trebol you stupid bastard. Huh, I didn't think he could still move that arm. I enjoy seeing Trebol in pain. Awww the little guys are happy. Oh right, we're still in mortal peril. Good god, he's even more hideous without the slime. Aw fuck it's a murder-suicide! Shit's on fire, yo. It's fine, everyone not unfathomably disgusting got out. There's something very funny about catching the guy with the severed arm using a net made out of dozens of arms. Law's still having the worst day.

[PokeNirvash]

It may be a marathon, but it ain't no vacation.

12:00 - Lazarus #6 - Heaven is a Place on Earth - TV-14V
12:30 - Lazarus #1 - Goodbye Cruel World - TV-14LV
1:00 - Lazarus #2 - Life in the Fast Lane - TV-14DV
1:30 - Lazarus #3 - Long Way From Home - TV-14V
2:00 - Lazarus #4 - Don't Stop the Dance - TV-14LV
2:30 - Lazarus #5 - Pretty Vacant - TV-14LV
3:00 - Lazarus #6 - Heaven is a Place on Earth - TV-14V

[EmpressAngel]

Happy Mother's Day to all the milfs out there.

Lazarus- It's a cult! Of course it's fucking AI garbage. Yo gotta dress that boy up as a girl scout to get inside. It's dangerous in there, take this pipe bomb. That's definitely her ex girlfriend. You're gonna get used as a human sacrifice. I can't access my porn from here, this is bullshit. Meanwhile Axel getting the zoomies in the parking lot. That cult leader definitely knocked up your mom and probably half the women here. I'll trade you a basket of cookies for 40 minutes of pornhub. This boy is suffering and is about to get inducted into a cult. "Don't look at it and just open your mouth" is definitely a thing I've heard before elsewhere. Maybe we can ask his AI brain copy for a cure. Goddammit that lesbian is gonna rat us out. CHEESE IT. I hope you brought a gun. Yep you're getting human sacrificed. Ah crap it's one of them doomsday suicide cults. Shut up and kiss each other, lesbians. We're going full Wicker Man here and unfortunately it's the good one from the 70's. PIPE BOMB TOTHE RESCUE. It's fine, Axel's on the way to kick the shit out of everyone. Or we could just let the freaky cult weirdos die. Ah hell it's the feds. That's fucked up, bot. Well on the other hand, the cult losers are probably the only people not going to die from the drug bullshit. It would be a real bonkers plot twist if the gang failed and the entire planet just died.

[PokeNirvash]

The other prodigal son has returned at long last.

12:00 - Lazarus #7 - Almost Blue - TV-14
12:30 - Bleach: Thousand-Year Blood War #1 - The Blood Warfare - TV-14V
1:00 - Blue Exorcist: Kyoto Saga #1 - Small Beginnings - TV-14LV
1:30 - One Piece #725 - Anger Erupts! I Will Take Everything Upon Myself! - TV-14V
2:00 - One Piece #726 - Fourth Gear! The Phenomenal Bounce-man! - TV-14V
2:30 - Naruto #18 - The Weapons Known as Shinobi - TV-14V
3:00 - Sailor Moon #15 - Usagi's Panic: Rei's First Date - TV-PGV

If anyone asks, the filler ending was all just a weird dream Rin was having.

Edited yesterday at 02:41 PM by PokeNirvash

[EmpressAngel]

In the year of our lord 2025 I can't believe I'm watching Bleach on Adult Swim again.

Lazarus- The braincells do age you a good 15 years or so. On the flip slide, him not being 40 makes him less attractive. MEAT. I approve of the bbq flame thrower. NOOOO NOT THE MEAT. Are the polar bears okay? I respect him for still trying to eat those charred bbq remains. We almost got Wicker Man'd and nothing came of it? Look can we really blame god for hating us and wanting to wipe us out? Hey there smuggler lady how you doin. Might as well play the lotto with that code and see what happens.  Let's split up, gang. We're looking for Atlantis, guys. Beach week, go! We're all gonna die, go ahead and shoot your shot. Come on gang take off your shirts and get to work. Boruto's out of luck on that flight. Fuck it, buy a yacht. Meanwhile computer girl's just sitting here vibing. Wait you mean we don't get to stay friends after this? Sorry dude, being the only one smart enough to bring a wet suit does in fact make you look older. At least the fish are having a good thing. Y'know what guys, maybe humanity does deserve to die. I'm glad we can add Lazarus to the list of anime that still let the men have nipples. Art dude's really just flopping on this date. Oh shit they used to bone didn't they. Was this all just a scavenger hunt for that old man to get some friends? Surprise, you're all just here for this lady's convoluted plan to stick it to her ex. Place your bets is she her friend, sister, or ex girlfriend?

Bleach- Can't wait to see which terrible men fit into my standards now that I've gotten older and so much worse. Old man it's midnight I'm not doing math now. Good to know I still wouldn't fuck Mayuri no matter how low my standards get. It's been two minutes and I hate these kids already. It's one single hollow, grow a pair and cut it in half. Goddamn these kids are awful. Oh hey, Chad exists. Orihime getting her contractually-mandated 30 seconds of use per arc. Alright I'll admit the song has me grinning like a dumbass. Enjoy seeing Chad do something while you can, you know it's not gonna last. And Ishida is here too. Why did y'all even bother sending these kids at all? Fuck off, child. Petty bickering is the same thing as comedy, right? Who the fuck are you? Oh right, most of the characters in this show have a personality like a cheese grater. Oh hey, people I know. Everyone here got raptured and they don't have to be in Bleach anymore. Oh no that's so sad, that guy who never did anything and had no personality just died. Welcome to the Magic Ghost Nazi arc. What bullshit plot twist will Ichigo pull out to avoid this problem? Surprise, it's just the power of Fuck Off I'm The Main Character. Richard Epcar is here so at least he'll get to have fun.

Exorcist- Ignore the last 6-8 weeks, the campus just had a bad gas leak but it's fixed now. Since when do normal people know about exorcists? Look if a kid's that stupid you should just call it a lost cause and leave him to die. What do you mean nobody knows about this place, you're setting things on fire on top of a building in broad daylight. Rin still fucking sucks. I'm just here to stare at that lady's massive honkers. Okay Boobzilla got me. It's not that complicated, his mom was an idiot and got knocked up by Satan. And then Rin died of carbon monoxide poisoning. It's a trap! There's a window right there just jump out of it. You're right dude I won't remember in five minutes, family expectations are the worst. I would absolutely just let that kid die, that's a valuable lesson about being stupid. Mephisto's just here to have a good time. Fuck off, Rin. Field trip time! He's gonna fuck this up in five seconds. Hey she got a haircut. I forgot why they're mad at him and I don't care enough to check. Caustic bitch still sucks. That top is really holding on for its life. Shura could not give less of a fuck just let her get day-drunk on the train. She's not trying to be nice she's just garbage. In a surprise twist, caustic bitch is the only one I respect here. Oh gee how can I trust you when you're the one who saved our dumb fuck asses from getting murdered. Okay but regardless of having power or not Yukio is still the bastard son of the devil too. Priest Dad was too cool for us.

One Piece- We take a week off and I have zero memory of what's going on, there was something about a factory I think? Oh right, Trebol is here and I hate everything. God I'd rip my own arm off to be caught and gently held by Robin. Can somebody sew Law's arm back on if you've got a minute? Oh hey, thanks Cabbage. I forget what beef Cabbage has with Doflamingo but everyone hates him for a reason. I love this dumb idiot bastard. Mansherry is so goddamn cute I'd die for her. Bartolomeo continues to be a goddamn mood and the most relatable character I've ever seen. Bro get off your high horse your organs are being held together with literal string and the sheer power of being a hater. Previously, during the entire series, this. Hey, my OG fire boyfriend. Law, still having the worst day. If you die here Cora's gonna be wating in the afterlife to beat your ass for being stupid. I like to think Luffy believes they're friends because he only saw the middle of Law's finger tattoos and thinks it says EAT and they have a common interest. Barto's got his priorities straight, save Robin and no one else. Everyone loves Robin. Derp bird just standing there is unreasonably funny to me. The great thing about this show is you can have a fight that's just string vs rubber bands and have it be pretty fun to watch. Oh right, we're all in mortal peril here. 30 minutes, that'll only take 20 episodes! LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Genuinely hope Bellamy is dead in the basement. Nobody's having a good time here. I love Baby 5 so much, she's got her priorities straight. Oh my god no don't follow Zoro! Cabbage/Law is a ship I didn't expect and yet here we are. The shoes are off, he means business this time! Okay yes he looks ridiculous but let him cook. This show is a gift. Oh dang, the silly bouncey boy's got moves. Somebody just take one for the team and stab that guy in the dick. Also, he can fly now. Those marines are so fucking confused. Meanwhile Barto still having the best fucking day. Currently pictured: the world's angriest flamingo getting his ass beat by a bouncy ball. And now, the best kind of shenanigans.