fuggnificent Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 http://unevenedge.com/index.php?action=fanfics;sa=story;id=7 just enjoy it. its not meant be graded or become the WORLDS BEST SEX SCENE EVAR ..so dont even start that mess. i wrote a particular sex act into it ive never written before - that was ... unexpected. The guy was surprised, too. Everybody was suprised lol. Now i know most of you are gay and I probably should write a gay one but Id probably fuck up a gay scene horribly because ive never had gay sex. I write what ive mostly experienced myself..Is that gross? . so yeah - um anyway. feedback is appreciated but dont be an asshole. stilgar and buddy are ignored and their comments, if made, will not be read. can i ask a favor? It took me like 3 or 4 days to write this..so just do me a favor and dont quote those two either.. kthxbai SwimModSponges[/member] bnmjy[/member]
SwimModSponges Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 If it isn't graded, how will you know what you did right or wrong?
fuggnificent Posted October 4, 2017 Author Posted October 4, 2017 If it isn't graded, how will you know what you did right or wrong? just enjoy it. its not meant be graded or become the WORLDS BEST SEX SCENE EVAR ..so dont even start that mess.
bnmjy Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 Well, I have work tonight. I'll give you honest feedback tomorrow. I might also read a bit more of your fanfic sponges. I did read a little bit of it before and gave you feedback, if you don't remember.
SwimModSponges Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 Its a shame i. Not grading this, because ot was better than the last one. You switched tenses a couple of times but i was able to mostly follow it. He should have put the carrot in her butthole though.
fuggnificent Posted October 4, 2017 Author Posted October 4, 2017 Its a shame i. Not grading this, because ot was better than the last one. You switched tenses a couple of times but i was able to mostly follow it. He should have put the carrot in her butthole though. see i can take feedback. i worked REALLY hard on tenses.. i DO listen to you.. but this is just for fun and im not going to correct it - so why waste your time. thanks for the feedback. i will not waste anymore carrots lol um in what way was it better? hehe
fuggnificent Posted October 4, 2017 Author Posted October 4, 2017 Well, I have work tonight. I'll give you honest feedback tomorrow. I might also read a bit more of your fanfic sponges. I did read a little bit of it before and gave you feedback, if you don't remember. ah damn.. lol. i saw your post and jumped right into it.. it was painful.. daughter was in the room (makes it hard to write this stuff) and as i was typing it, she put her my little ponies next to my computer and said they "liked to read stories" SO THE PONIES READ IT! THEY ARE SCARRED FOR LIFE!! lol im jk.. its cool. take your time *twitch*
SwimModSponges Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 It was better in that the setup actually made sense and i could follow what was going on.
SwimModSponges Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 Shut up jibguy, go lol about how fearless leader is doinv such a great job fighting the lungenpresse.
fuggnificent Posted October 4, 2017 Author Posted October 4, 2017 It was better in that the setup actually made sense and i could follow what was going on. aw ok i thought the set up was kind of slow.. glad thats not a complaint.. it was also hard to heat things up and get them to fucking lol..
SwimModSponges Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 The setup was only slow in that a lot of it was pointless. Theres a writing principle, forget exactly what its called, "somebodys gun" essentially, if you have a gun in the first act it should really shoot something by the end. The boss man should have come over or walked in on them or aomething.
fuggnificent Posted October 4, 2017 Author Posted October 4, 2017 The setup was only slow in that a lot of it was pointless. Theres a writing principle, forget exactly what its called, "somebodys gun" essentially, if you have a gun in the first act it should really shoot something by the end. The boss man should have come over or walked in on them or aomething. true true i thought of them actually having dinner and them flirting and her barely being to walk etc, but that would have been pretty boring. im not good with short stuff...mostly write novels.
mthor Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 I was going to read it, then sponges said something about a carrot....I'm outta here.
Cau Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 I look forward to not reading this. Because I'm 12 and that would be highly inappropriate.
fuggnificent Posted October 4, 2017 Author Posted October 4, 2017 I was going to read it, then sponges said something about a carrot....I'm outta here. the carrot is not involved in any sex acts lol
SwimModSponges Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 I was going to read it, then sponges said something about a carrot....I'm outta here. A carrot in the bootyhole would have improved the work.
fuggnificent Posted October 4, 2017 Author Posted October 4, 2017 I look forward to not reading this. Because I'm 12 and that would be highly inappropriate. pregnant at 12? you probably could give me some writing ideas
Cau Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 pregnant at 12? you probably could give me some writing ideas No. That would make Jesus sad.
bnmjy Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 “Oh, you’re so vicious!” “Mmm, and you’re so delicious.” :it: It was okay, but your hooha was better. :painfap: I should write a fanfic about fucking an anime pillow, which will loosely be based on phillies.
fuggnificent Posted October 4, 2017 Author Posted October 4, 2017 not much can outdo my glorious pusspuss
Chapinator_X Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 I'm glad we have more uncomfortable sex stories in the fanfic folder. I need to add more depraved scenes to the Rukia/Renji story I keep procrastinating about adding more onto. It's been more than half a year, so it can be topical.
naraku360 Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 The setup was only slow in that a lot of it was pointless. Theres a writing principle, forget exactly what its called, "somebodys gun" essentially, if you have a gun in the first act it should really shoot something by the end. The boss man should have come over or walked in on them or aomething. Chekhov's gun.
Ric Posted October 4, 2017 Posted October 4, 2017 “Oh, you’re so vicious!” “Mmm, and you’re so delicious.” :it: It was okay, but your hooha was better. :painfap: I should write a fanfic about fucking an anime pillow, which will loosely be based on phillies. Fuggs should record an audiobook so can listen while staring into her hooha.
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